All Comments on 'The Minister Ch. 01'

Please keep writing this story

If he is catholic he would be a priest, not a minister.

Ms Dreamer, I felt that your story has the potential to develop into a really nice romance. I hope it does. I liked the uncertainties you wrote into the emotions of your characters which I felt made them quite realistic.

One very small negative. The way you placed dialogue in the story seemed a little stilted to me. I'm not sure about other readers, but I find broken sentences come across as more natural. For example a sentence above on Pg2 is:

"Believe it or not I had a life before this," he said drily.

Occasionally breaking the sentence gives variety:

"Believe it or not," he said drily, I had a life before this."

Not every time, but occasionally. A small thing, but I hope it's helpful.

Lue

3* You need to a write about stuff you know about or at least do your research. I wasn't sure if your "young" minister was Catholic or Protestant. Also, private schools have very strict uniform standards, very unlike a trashy restaurant with slutty waitresses dressed as schoolgirls. Also, you don't "major" in a subject in high school. That's only done in university. You need to work on your grammar and punctuation. Proofread!

Excited to read this! Thank you for sharing :)

Good beginning!

5

All the things the other comments said are true. Also, she said she took 'maths'. In the USA we call it 'math', never 'maths'.

You said he became a priest in 4 years. Standard seminary training in most denominations, in the USA, including the Roman Catholic Church, leads to a Masters of Divinity. He would need an undergraduate first. If you decide to rework the story, the military does have education programs that may have lead to a degree, or a big leg up on some. I know some denominations that have traditionally required a full 4 year masters program are training and ordaining ministers, mostly with undergraduate degrees, in shorter 2-3 year certificate programs, because of the shortage of qualified ministers in some churches. I have a friend who went this route and just was ordained. I do not think the Catholics do this though, for training fully qualified and ordained priests, who can administer the sacrements.

If you are from the UK, I know you have some sort of extra year before starting a university major. Maybe that caused confusion. I absolutely don't understand the British system.

Still the story is well written and fun. I will keep reading. I see there are mire parts! I am glad the comments didn't discourage you. If you are in the UK, or Australia, or France, or wherever, such a story would work just as well in the setting of a city familiar to you.

I am Lutheran, not Catholic, but I have friends who are. We are all old. I also attended a 'Christian Academy'. Dress codes are strict. Skirt lengths, at least in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up, were measured if any doubt existed. Opening a few butt9ns extra while on the school grounds was likely to get you a talk with the principle (the head teacher in the UK).

If I ever write a story about beinf in school, I will set it in the Philadelphia area, in the suburbs, and in the 70s-80s. It is what I know, so I wouldn't need to guess. I love British school dramas, but I wouldn't try to write one.

Please keep writing. You are a good storyteller. I really do want to keep reading your stories!