All Comments on 'The Nanny Ch. 01'

The structure of your story is quite appropriate but you need to run a spell check AND a grammar check to keep up the good work.

Needs a bit of a polish here and there, but that comes with time and practice.

Keep up the good work.

Tom D

It is not bad. There is Grammer and spelling issues as stated. Your story development is your strength. There was a few things that bothered me. You seem to over describe what is being said by adding what they intended to express. A little less of that and let the reader imagine it. You also seemed to rush to describe her. The details of her beauty should have been more spread out in semi erotic moments that conclude in serial awkwardness to build tension. You also had her climax when he shoots his load in her mouth... that's not how it works... and I am definitely curious how a 48 year old engineer is able to fucked like a teenager and get himself going moments after cumming. The sex was hot. I liked that. Keep writing you have the fundamentals.

Not bad at all. Of course their needs to be parts 2,3,4?

There were a couple spelling errors that caught my attention but other than that I loved it and can't wait until chapters 2,3,4 and so on keep up the great work

Good story but would be much more believable if the

age gap weren't so huge.

Your story was totally ruined by atrociously bad grammar and stupid spelling mistakes which is are a no,no even for a beginner. You need to get someone you trust to read your story. Don't, I repeat don't read it yourself because words and phrases become logged in your mind so that you read what you think it says because it will ruin your future as a serious writer. No-one wants to read a badly executed story .

Hi. Nice start. Don't let the folks who seem to read these for grammar 1st get you down. Run stuff thru MS world to catch the obvious stuff, and use an on-line voice to text reader if hearing it helps. Go find "Save the Cat" by Blake or look it up on line for story structure. It can be read in about 5hrs, and it will help you with how to craft stories. Keep going, cause that's the way you learn.

OKAY, LETS GET ON WITH THE ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS. i LOVED IT, Wish the age difference was not so great. I want to find a boss like him.

I look forward to reading the sequels to this. However, before publishing, print the story out, and read it the next day. Only publish when you have checked a hard copy. Things like spelling mouth as moth distract from the story, and break the flow.

A great start to a potentially wonderful story. I really enjoyed it. A bit of advice, however, in my experience it is ALWAYS a good idea to have someone edit your work for you. It is tempting for many writers to let their own hubris get in the way and believe that this is something that they are capable of, but, it is almost never a good idea. It is hard to see YOUR OWN story as just a collection of words and grammar that needs to be examined for errors and corrected, without letting your personal feelings interfere with the process. No matter how good you may normally be (or not be) at editing, it is always best to have someone else (as an objective third party) edit your work for maximum results.

I really did enjoy this story, and look forward to future installments (with better editing).

Good Luck!

I loved this story! It was pretty much perfect, little grammer mistakes but thats fine! The ending i wasnt so sure about just because of the whole not on birth control thing, not really part of my fantasy but damn this story made me horny! :)

I would love to hear more about her moving in and not using protection

Thank You for the feedback readers. I have finally found the courage to write chapter 2 so it is on its way, submitted for publication. I have decided to go down the road of making an erotic story, so future chapters are going to go much farther into the story behind it, but don't worry! There will still be plenty of the good stuff in the chapters. I am excited to keep writing and to let this story develop! Seriously readers, the support and feedback is fantastic and I am excited to keep writing.

For everyone who like the story, Chapter 2 is now published as well. Thanks for the support, and I hope you enjoy it!

wow, someone's insecure.

They seem to be made for each other and maybe they made a brother or sister for the kids. Wonderful story!