All Comments on 'The New Game Master'

I appreciate those who enjoy the stories. I am not a professional writer, I make nothing off of this, and it is a form of therapy for me to work with the Traumatic Brain injury I suffered from a car crash seven years ago. I have asked for volunteer editors but none have been forthcoming who did not wish to be paid for there services. I had one for a while but his college load prevented him from continuing. The size of some of my stories also puts off some editors.

I would love to find someone who enjoyed editing as much as I enjoy writing the stories but that is not the case. I will read anonymous comments but then they are quickly deleted. If there is something constructive in the comment then I try to address the issue l either resubmitting this story or making it better for the next piece. I have to put my id toward what I write I believe those who want a comment to last should put there name with it.

I check those with names to see what they have submitted for publication to get a feel for there writing style. To try and better understand where they are coming from when I am forced to guess by a vague comment.

Hope this is just the first of several chapters.

You do need an editor. I saw many issues with their, there, and they’re. I also saw issues with verb tense. The first drives me nuts but the story kept me reading. Please use an internet search engine and look up the location of the hymen.

The answer as to depth in the real world. The average is a couple of centimeters. The consistency is not fully solid. A woman could possibly get a six inch long finger through it without breaking it. It varies by the woman. Now factor in a 'deity' who builds your gaming body but likes to 'fuck over' some of the women of the world. The women in question was another player. However she started the game as a consort and personal cleric? Now tell me what a sadistic being of power who builds your game body could or would do in this case?

The first thing you have to remember is it is fantasy. If you really look at concept of the story all of the characters in the worlds; except for two, are a 'deity' having sex with herself. This 'goddess' spends a lot of time fucking themselves. At least this one did.

As to tense issues of the word and punctuation. I know that is a big issue. I will read over the story from twenty to a hundred times trying to find those problems. The problem goes back to brain injury. When I write I just let the story spill out onto the page. I then do all of those read through to try and fix these problems in my editing phases. If I published a first draft you would see the pain I put myself through. Everything from gaps in thought to what made it on the page to typing twelve letter words backwards.

Going from a guy who 'lived' for the game to one who has a hard time staying awake to hold a conversation some days is depressing. I had to give up running with other gamers to running older games on my computer. Games that will do turn based combat, pausing often and saving frequently. If I fall into a three hour spontaneous nap I have nobody depending on me to pull my weight. Yes I have a couple of sleep disorders and a long list of other medical issues.

I have made it known this is a kind of therapy for me. Trying to create something while your mind and body fight you. It is a challenge. I do not know where the stories will go. Often finding hooks from something I wrote to do a plot twist by complete accident or forethought. I spent almost two hours typing and editing this response.

But Meuryc is correct in that you need an editor for some of your grammar issues. It also feels like it was rushed. The first six or seven pages felt like a great story, where the last five pages felt like a rushed ending.

Still, overall great story. And if you are going to redo it or continue it, and want an editor, I've been thinking about editing stories here, so I'd be willing to volunteer.

I like this story, i hope you expand it... Yes there was some grammatical errors but who cares. the message and story got thru. I really liked it. thanks for another great read...

This is a good story but it's hard to follow who is doing what. It needs to slow down some and take time to specify who is who and who says what. Also, the ending was rushed.