The New Owners - 04 April

I figured that would be it for the night and I would just go home and get frustrated listening to them have sex, and then make it worse by writing about the day like usual, but before I left she told me she wanted me to go straight to bed. I thought, what, is she going to start telling when I have to go to bed every night now, too? If she wanted to, I know I would let her. But instead I had been lying in bed for half an hour or so when I heard them in their bedroom.

"Marilyn? Are you there?"

"Yes, Mrs Barnabas"

"Come over here."

"In my pajamas?"

"Yes. In your pajamas."

My mind started racing with what she wanted. It's like my heart went from zero to a thousand. It is this weird feeling of dreading what it might be but at the same time hoping it is something horrible. It was. When I got there she was holding this black leather blindfold and she had me kneel with my back to her while she put it on me. It has black fur on the inside so I could not see anything.

She said we were going to have a little slumber party and told me to lie down on the carpet. Then she raised my head and put a pillow under it. Then I was alone on the floor and I could hear them making out on the bed. I could hear them kissing and every little groan. It was so much clearer than through the wall! Pretty soon they were fucking and she was making as much noise as ever, but I could actually hear it squishing in and out. It was so hot! And I could smell it, too!

I really wanted to use my wrist but I just knew I could never do that if I thought they might be looking. But it was so hard to stop myself. I mean, that is what I do when they are having sex. I grind my wrist and feel lonely and pathetic. I was shaking I wanted to so badly, but I just couldn't.

Then they started going slower and she said pretty close to me, "Come on, Marilyn. Do it. Show us how you hump your arm. I know you want to. I promise I'll laugh at you. I'll tell you what a loser you are if you do." So I did it. I rolled over on my belly with my arm between my legs and started humping it like I have since I was little. And she did laugh and told me that I really am such a total loser that I can't even play with myself the right way and that I was never going to get laid if I kept wearing boring pajamas to bed. All the time he was fucking her so everything came out in angry one-word grunts like I was the most disgusting pathetic person on the planet and it all just made me grind harder so I was really hurting it.

"You're a fucking loser, aren't you?" "yes". "Tell me". "I'm a fucking loser" "again" "I'm a fucking loser" and then we were both saying it over and over together until I was crying and she came. I was so close to coming but I just couldn't do it. And then I heard him come and I knew I had to stop.

She laughed at me some more and told me I was a good loser and put a blanket over me and took the blindfold off. I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up to tiny, sighs. Hers. Definitely something I would not have heard in my bed. Something landed on my leg and she told me to put on my blindfold. Then I had to crawl around to the side of the bed and she grabbed a hand full of hair and brought my head up until it was on the edge of the bed and held it there while he went down on her. At first she petted me but when she got excited she just grabbed a hand full of hair and pulled it and pulled it, harder and harder until I was almost crying and she came. I could hear all the slurping sounds.

When they were finished she took off the blindfold and told me to make them coffee.

Wow, what an amazing day!

I am still thinking about yesterday. It is really starting to freak me out that I let them blindfold me and keep me in their room while they were having sex. I mean, it was totally hot and I feel like I should be totally humiliated that I masturbated and they watched, but I am not. But I am freaked that – I don't know, I think it just got that much more real. I guess that is stupid since we all knew what was happening when I was listening to them through the wall, but being in the same room makes a huge difference to me. Actually, so does her making me – okay, letting me – suck her breast. Those are HUGE changes. Listening to them before or rubbing in their bathroom was in a different room. I don't know why that makes such a big difference to me, but it does. It's like before it was all a big, silly game but yesterday it became ...

real? No, it became sex. The sucking her boob felt like actual sexual contact and last night they brought me into their private room and we had sex. Maybe not like if we had all been in the bed doing things together, but we were still all doing sexy things with each other in the same room. It feels like this has suddenly turned into some weird ménage a trois thing. I mean, they did not actually have sex with me last night but they watched me and talked to me the whole time they were and I feel like if they had wanted to we would have. If they wanted to they would have just done it and I would have just let them.

Maybe that is what is freaking me out: that they decided to make those big changes and I was not consulted. I just did whatever they wanted. So what else could they decide? That's it. I have this totally out of control feeling that no matter what they wanted me to do I would just do it, even if I didn't want to.