All Comments on 'The Next Town'

Dry impersonal descriptions of what's happening suck. Forget the he did this or that and keep it readable. Go with Michael slowed down and pulled into a nearby gas station instead of the cold impersonal dry description given in the story.

Seriously, no matter how good a plot you have if the story reads like a badly written instruction manual people are just not gonna relate to it.

Nice!

My, what a sweet story, but a difficult read.

First person. BE the story.

By all means, please continue throwing your opinions and criticisms my way. They'll be taken into heart for the next story I make.

For Anon - my apologies as I'm limited to a third-person view. It's a personal tidbit that I can't get over, nor would it seem I'll grow out of it any time soon.

For kjohns - Harsh criticism, but definitely needed it. I'll be sure to learn from it.