All Comments on 'The One I Fell For'

Please take this further out, it can't end just like that!

Get an editor.

I stopped reading when the lead character described the laundry list of physical attributes. Learn to write, not narrate bad porn!

This read like a bad composite of so many other stories. Very mechanical and no passion.

Im assuming all three sisters are going to get knocked up and maybe mom. The long lost cousin too. I can see it all and im patiently awaiting it.

You are working with a good story just needs some polish. Their are a lot of people on here that would proof read and edit for you

Your premise is good a bit predictable but good. Don't let naysayers dissuade you. A bit of polish and tuning is an asset. A good start though.

Please continue this story line. There are sooo many ways this story.can go and you have a great start for a wonderful continuation. Please keep writing this story.

Wrong words, wrong idioms, weird spelling, by-the-numbers storytelling, there's nothing here that isn't in a million and one other stories on this site, not even any passion, just pedestrian plodding though a poorly told, rushed story. Spell-check is not infallible, nor can it correct your intended word use, and you obviously haven't proof-read this or you would have picked up on all those wrongly-used words.

The lack of effort taken to make a completely unoriginal story even lukewarm shows in every line and sentence. Sorry, 2 stars, you were so rushed to post you made the cardinal mistake, you posted gibberish, and I'm not rewarding you for being too hasty to care; do something quick, or do it right, you can't have both.

More please

Ok to the ones with negative insulting remarks grow BALLS and use ur name. Now as for the story I enjoy it so far can't wait to see how and where u take this. Please continue. And Ty for the good read.

LOVED IT KEEP AT IT. WILL. BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR SEQUELS!

I fucking loved this please make more😃

It appears you have "auto-fill" on. Puts in the wrong words if your not paying attention( just like your phone). You also need an editor, construction plus the auto-fill errors would have been caught. As someone before has mentioned, do a reread or better yet, have someone else give it a read. Have you ever seen someone with red eyes? It really isn't pretty. {Sorry to those out there.....}

Finally, I somehow lost the story in the story. You explained and mentioned a lot of things but never really gave an indication as to where you were headed. We have 3 hot sisters, a milf, a ninja kid, then an incest part?? A little direction would be good.

The story has some good bones, so pick it up and give the next go a little more care.

Hard to follow WTF Is going on bit all over the place Could be good story here but then again might be stupid Have to wait for next chapter

It's too bad that the cock-sucking tranny vastiesmith2 AKA bonnietaylor2 isn't around anymore to give you a 5 and bash the rest of the commentators.

Yes, vastiesmith2 AKA bonnietaylor2 is no longer here. He/she's accounts have been banned. The bad part is he/she is now stinking up the place over at SOL.

Must agree with the other comments, you need to get an editor before you post your next chapter to this story. Your storyline was good and I'm looking forward to see which way this story goes. Just remember this is only your first story and you will get negative feedback as well as constructive criticism. Best of luck , kookaburra8

Thank you for your time in reading this, and commenting. To those that gave constructive criticism, you have my thanks, I will address those matters and do my best to correct them.

To those who commented but said nothing of little value, it makes me happy that you wasted your time.

I don't know when I'll write part two, I did rush this a little, because after writing and deleting so many different stories, I just wanted to get something out there even if it tanked.

And to the person who didn't like the red eyes, fuck you. I happen to like them, and since I'm the author they're staying put, and I'm going to put them on every character from now on just out of spite.

Thank have a pleasant weekend

Please continue

continue this story soon please.

I liked it. As far as I'm concerned the "Anonymous" bitchers don't know the basis of a good yarn because they can't get past their fetish of "it wasn't written like I would have", Continue writing and just do it. YOUR way... just don't be afraid to experiment and try something different. this is all about self fulfillment, and invoking emotions. Play with it.

As for getting an "Editor" that is an option, but some will make the story "their way" instead yours, (I don't use an editor personally). What you can do is set the story aside for a couple of days before submitting; re-read, and you will catch most, if not all of the major issues, and that is good enough.

Just dump the "bad reviews" in the trash where they belong.

Everyone can improve because nobody is perfect. All you jackholes saying this story sucks? Write a better one amd earn some cred before beimg a critical little asshole hiding behind "Anonymous". I hate signing up, so whatever. Damn good story, Apocalipsa. Hope to see more! (Btw, loved the ruby eyes. Beautiful.) Can't wait for next chapter.

Minor editing needed but still a great story. Looking forward to more chapters.

Maybe get this translated into readable English and re-post it.

very good, cant wait for more

I did like this story, in spite of the glaring errors in the writing. I suggest you submit your next chapter to an editor. That being said, I anxiously await your next submission.

Good story, but you might want to look it over next time and then have somebody else proofread it.

Felt like I was reading a Monster High fan fiction. Both because of the description of the sisters, and also the quality of the writing. Reminds me of the stories I used to come up with in high school with my autistic friend. I liked it. Can't wait for more. :)

this reminds me the stories "the party of five" and the story from mentalcase.plz continue it

I love harem story's like this please do more and I hope you include the mom just please don't ruin it by adding other guys in the story 5*****

Overall a wonderful story, but I would recommend having somebody proofread it. I can't wait for part 2

I couldn't get the voice of the policeman from Allo allo out of my head. But other than that thumbs up

I love the story and hope that there will be more chapters soon.

Maybe the other sisters will get involved?

What I'd like to know is what the ladies were whispering about?

More chapters

What were their secret discussions? Are you going to "service" each one of them? Three new babies in the house and many Mommy also.

u'r taking way too longand wellwe r kinda on edge here. its agreat storyline dude. pls hurry and post .

or u cud just send the rest of the series and the storyline to ; richgreg777@gmail.com. pls

Reread the story and enjoyed it as much.

Hope you have another chapter

It's an amazing story! Hope a continuation comes.

Like there's more to come. It felt a little pre-planned, what with all the secretive whispering that stopped when he walked in. Those ladies are up to something. Also, there's the unanswered issue of a possible long lost sister. More to come (he says hopefully).

But you need an Editor to keep from writing stupid sentences. 5 stars keep this story going...

this writer is just 'one and done'. Not surprised after reading all the negatives.

Only the one chapter, what a shame this tale was never finished. Because it is unfinished scores 3/5

A beautiful story.

Loved the way he protected his sister.

Please have more chapters!!!

Spelling errors to where the word was not even close to what it should have been. Story not told very well

Should have been more chapters. Love the story. AAAAA+++++

Good story, but what happened to the girl searching for her family? Why was everyone acting strange when he brought the ice cream and movie home earlier? This isn't finished. Need another chapter(s) to answer these and more questions. Develop the rest of the characters.

Good story so far but why, oh why, do so many authors apparently not read what they have written. If they do and have a basic understanding of English, so many of the spelling and punctuation errors would be omitted. Coming across obvious spelling errors detracts from the flow of the stories. If an author is writing purely for themself then fair enough. However, if this is so, then why bother submitting them? If one is trying to attract a loyal readership then submitting a well written story with grammatical accuracy makes a world of difference.

Lmao what a weird story in dire need of some editing