All Comments on 'The Original Sin Ch. 01'

please write more

Hope you will write soon

Please continue.....I really like this story. Very well done!

Maybe she needs to trust her instincts.

Can't wait for the next installment. Just terrific!

This is reallllly good and I can't wait for the next chapter! But maybe get an editor? There were a lot of mistakes.

At the beginning she says she just turned 22 and then when she calls her sister she says she's 19 so how old is she?

A few grammar errors. And is 19 or 22?? Other than that great story line, please continue!!!

keep on writing...loving this!

This is a good start, but you need an editor to go over your chapters. I would recommend having someone look over this chapter and then repost it, as the errors make it difficult to read. But the story line is good and i'm looking forward to see where this story leads.

Retards aren't sexy. Since hes stslking her that much he has to know being jealous of random guys is completely fucking stupid. He acts like a moron redneck wifebeater, not a sexy stranger with a taste for dominance.

Hey guys sorry about the age thing, she's supposed to be 22, lets just say that the sister had one to many to drink this time ( you know to help with all that stress preparing for a wedding and all) . I will get an editor thanks for the suggestion, I thought I should but I always feel bad for pushing my story on to someone.

I loved your story and am hooked please keep writing!!!!

Excellent first submission! I like how you set this up. This has the makings of a first rate non con story. I am very eager to read the rest and hope that you are hard at work as I write this comment!

The characterization was well done I think. You painted Evie as a loner but the exchange with her sister filled in some of the blanks and rounded her out a bit. That was a good touch!

Couple of nit pics... Simple editing is needed. Too, to, and two... a few words misused or autocorrected incorrectly such as PART for PARK just annoying little things... At least you don't have an annoying habit to over use or incorrectly use elipses. ;) If you go to the forum here, you will be able to hook up with an editor.

Even with these little nit pics, it's still a very good story that I enjoyed tremendously so thanks for sharing it!

More more more pleaseee

Please don't stop write more

Please continue

damnn pls write more.... y do u hv to do this to us..uhh i was so hooked!!