All Comments on 'The Picnic'

There are several verb-tense and spelling problems you missed, even if you are using British spelling conventions.

But it was a good story just the same.

The only thing that threw me off a bit was the anal sex. Sometimes, it seems to me that anal is thrown in the mix too soon. This was their first time, and it was very wet and wild in the midst of that storm. I really liked everything, up until the moment he says "I want to cum in your ass." Only because that's something I never do initially -- I've got to build up quite a bit of trust in my partner and a second date wouldn't be time for that.<br><br>

Other than that, it was a nice story of two people who feel they are not desireable finding each other. Rach is indeed a good friend.

fuck the rest of these "editors" you had a great story. as an author on literotica, i commend you for your work. please disregard those other comments. your story is not a midterm paper for a college professor, it is an erotic story. I personally loved it and i hope you continue to write, I'll be checking your page daily to see if you have written more!

Very nice story... an absolutely great attempt for your first submission too! Congrats on submitting a story!

I didn't like the use of abbreviations (uni) and there were a few mispellings (at least here in the US, kerb is spelled curb!)

The flow of the story was great... interrupted slightly by the anal sex, but not too much that it made me want to stop reading!

I hope you'll continue with your submissions! I enjoyed reading your first one!

All I have to say is that this story was so hot I didn't even notice any editing issues! I know I don't come on this website to check spelling errors. Thank you for a very hot and steamy story, let's just say it took care of my needs a few times over in a short span of time! Keep up the great work :)