All Comments on 'The Pleasure Car'

No amount of editing would help you. Maybe you should stick to an Indian site. dickhead, as your story started off bad and I went straight to the end to write this comment!

There might be some niche for you--western readers who enjoy the awkwardly written grammar and unfamiliar names and terms you use. I'm not one of them. I don't mean to pile on the hate, but there was literally nothing redeeming about this story.

The story is easily intelligible, and straight from the heart. There's even something naive and charming about the author's wrestling with the English language. The core of the story has universal appeal--a boy is drawn to his own mother's cunt, the wonderful hole between her legs that he came out of. Mom loves that her cunt makes her darling baby boy harder than ever before, his big fat cock is practically busting out of his pants. The mother spreads her thighs and her son just slides his young cock up inside her--the closest most intimate connection possible between two human beings. A boy's penis and his mother's vagina. The boy fucks his mother, in the ancient sacred rite of holy motherfucking, and finally unloads his young balls, shooting his mom full of his semen. The young man is bursting with pride at his achievement, his semen is now where it belongs. And his mother is smiling and content that she has her own boy's sperm inside her, where it's safe and protected and loved as only a mother is capable to doing.

Writing in present tense is dumb. Seriously... give it up.

You might write in your native language for those readers exclusively. Or, you would benefit from a proof reading by a proof reader.

Your English is a lot better than my Hindi or Gujarati or whatever your native language is but you should have a fluent English speaker look over your work the next time, or write in your own language, Good effort, though.

There is a huge section of erotica dedicated to stories in "Indian English", some of which is very good indeed and some that is not.

That is of course just as it is with the native writers in English as well.

The only common language for the over a Billion Indians, is in fact English.

You will find that most young people and a majority of older Indians speak English.

All of the road signs and even legal books and the court proceedings in Indian judiciary all in English.

So ironically it may well be that his native language is in fact English, which has over the years mutated in to a slightly different language.

After all the Yanks have done unspeakable things to the Queens English as well :)

So if the powers that be here at the Lit could create a separate section for the "Indian English" stories it will surely prove to be a success.

PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO WRITE USING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO INTELLIGENTLY TRANSLATE FROM THE INDIAN LANGUAGE. YOUR MIND IS THINKING YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE WHILE TRYING TO INTERPRET IT TO ENGLISH. THIS IS DIFFICULT. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I SPEAK FOUR LANGUAGES

Please make this your only story, it's a garbled mess, I beg you not to waste your time and the site's space posting anymore of these horrible affronts to the English language.

and to Anon. ?? - QUIT SHOUTING!!!

Story has a few good ideas but not put together well. Keep writing, you have good potential

"It was an unmemorable birthday of mine."

This idea has been done over and over. Your English needs to be improved too. Oh and off topic, you should NEVER pour water into an automobile's radiator. It'll boil away when it's hot and freeze when it's cold and cause the car to break down. They call it radiator fluid for a reason.

Elutha muyarchi eduthathu ok. But athu correcta ila.. Try next time

Your efforts won't go wasted. Try better next time.

I do not think yor problem is poor English.

For a five-star story, you have to construct the story line differently.

If you are an Oedipal son, any contact with your mom turns you on, even if you just hug you. Anything is your dream come true, even if you just massage her neck & shoulders.

You must depict the son's inner world, what go through his head.

love the story, just need better expression and improve vocabulary. keep trying

I really tried to read this but it was unreadable. Get an native english speaking editor