All Comments on 'The Pocketwatch'

I'm a fan of time stop stories so I'm interested to see where you take this story. So far I like the beginning and I'm hoping you don't skip over trial and error part! To many of these types of stories dive straight into the sex.

As for switching to the third person remember that we don't actually get to pay you for this, so write the story as comfortably as you can. If that means switching to the third person do it. I'd add a little authors note at the top with a quick explanation that chapter 1 was an intro to the main character and the rest will be written in third person.

Good luck and I'm looking forward to more.

I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to what follows.

Have seen the same story about a pocket watch stopping time before. Twilight zone, Simpsons, futurama.

Just from this first chapter alone the parallels with the unfinished Timestop series on xnxx are too uncanny to be coincidence. It's ok to be influenced by another writer but this is more like a sub-par ripoff than a tribute. Especially considering the poor writing style in comparison. Does your word processor not flag it up when you use the wrong your? Or make a mistake like 'lounged' instead of longed? Because if not it's time to invest in a better one.

Like your initial story start. Keep it up. Don't worry about the other time stop author/s.

95% of all stories written are some sort of "clone" of other peoples works.

Put your own spin on the subject. Whether the stories are Westerns, SCI FI, Mystery,

Adventure, etc there are only a few basic plots. For example look at all the Star Trek

series/shows/movies. Most of them follow about a dozen basic plots. It's the writers'

that ad/create the stories that make them unique, again KEEP IT UP!! Most complainers could not write a story so they become critics

There is a great series (9 parts) by AnthonyFiction I think... that you might have a look at. There is also an old movie "Somewhere in Time" about a pocketwatch and a mysterious second hand. You may find some interesting ideas in both. Like the rest of your fans, I thoroughly enjoy time stop stories. Thank you for sharing

You definitely need an editor, you use the wrong words and your punctuation is almost random.

Non is not the same as none

Your = it belongs to you

You're = you are

"This watch Kyle, Debra breathes another deep breath, This watch has the ability to stop time around...

Debra says that she breathes another deep breath ?

It has possibilities.Read a book years ago "The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything" (1962) is a science fiction novel written by John D. MacDonald.

You could have fun with this.

Don't just stop there, keep going!

I hope you plan to add more.

Not bad, you've set up a nice story here. Hope you continue your work