All Comments on 'The Pool'

You did a fantastic job with this story. Five stars, and you should know I don't give those out often!

Keep up the great work!

WK

Loved it. Want more.

The fleshing of this women, so wounded, weak, unfulfilled, desiring. Your very good at making a character. Amazing how you built her psyche with the mistakes of others. I hope you've already begun to make part 2. Please bring her brother clearer for us to enjoy. The date master doesn't wish to be like his cheater father. I wish to know if she's disgraced in her mind with the union or does she begin to live her lost sexual discovery years with him. If this is reflective of your personality, happiness doesn't have to come with a fuzzy sunset ending. Contentment and understanding can be just as happy. I am jealous of your ability, but thank you for such and engaging read.

Very long story and I don't like long stories

This was fantastic. I hope you continue with it.

You built Kate up very well and though the build up Jason isn't there, for a story from her perspective it wasn't necessary. I agree with the other poster who said that a part two from Jason's perspective would be welcome and would complete the story nicely. There was one small thing. The last sentence of the 1st paragraph on page two needs to be corrected. There's either a word missing or a thought that changed mid-sentence. Really great writing and story telling. This should be in a paid anthology.

Great build up. Going to read your others right now.

Just... wow.

This made my heart hurt and glow all at the same time for Kate and her pain and her love and desire with Jason.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

I, for one, like a longer story. Kate was a great character.

i just couldnt get passed the hillary clintonesque stand by your man while he fucks every woman he meets as long as he buys you pretty things.if you want a good love story then leave out the fuck around parent or just mention them in passing.the emotions between katie and jason were nice if they didnt seem like she was looking for a replacement for the gay husband.

This is quality stuff. Stunning, really. Lively and fast-paced, gleaming and deep, this story was a river of evocative images and delightful dialogue. You manage to merge introspection and lust, then infuse it with heavy, real emotion, and the disparate ingredients combine so seductively, only growing thicker and richer as the story proceeds, like some decadent sauce congealing in the mind of the reader.

It was absolutely beautiful, impressive and thought-provoking. So many stories on this site are built for speed: slick little numbers designed to be ripped through in fifteen minutes of light, lurid reading. Most don't come anywhere near this gorgeous piece, which was twice as slippery and ten-times as satisfying.

I will read this story again. Many times. Marvelous. I feel lucky for the experience.

slow making love, gradual build up, and at the same time wondering if they would have sex? Real doubts and issues -- real characters. Lovely!

The story has the psychological complexity of a Stephen R. Donaldson novel - seemingly bleak at times (Kate's portrayal as damaged goods) yet thoroughly satisfying (pleasure cannot be contained by arbitrary boundaries). The apparent truth behind the story, though, breathes life into the words, "It was sick, I knew it was, but it had been a bigger part of my sex life than my husband had, and I couldn't keep from going back to it when I needed comfort and relief." Returning to a fantasy, desire, need - regardless of its perception, solely to focus on the relief it will bring... oh-so-very true. Never better said.

And it is a testament to the stlgoddessfreya that Lady Catherine's bemoaning of the shades of Pemberley becoming thus polluted have been worked so cleverly into the story with the references to Austen's Darcy - priceless! Once again, the Goddess of Love, Beauty, and War has shown that a done bun (life's decisions, including those erotic) can't be undone (wish, though, we might turn back the clock) - nor should it be when, "My consciousness shifted three inches up and to the right of my physical body as my hands shook in Jason's black hair and I gasped like a fish, explosive release of tensions I didn't even know had built up giving way to waves of pleasure."

nothing that distracted from the story. If I were grading this like an essay, I would probably give it 95/100. Your ending obviously calls for a follow-up chapter or three. Do not disappoint, continue her story. Thank you.

Here's the thing. I kind of stumbled onto your story, and decided to read it, even though incest is not really my thing. But fuck! Your story is so beautifully told, so masterfully written, I could not stop reading it. And in spite of myself, I was rather turned on. Damn. Hot. But mostly because of the totally plausible, believable emotional investment and background of the characters.

I also think the ending was perfect, no other chapters are needed, it is a complete story. Unless, obviously, if you choose to do more. Really really well done. I will be reading the rest of your work asap.

so many different directions this could go. are they full or half siblings? do they care enough to find out and pursue a relationship? or, are they messed up enough that a relationship is not a healthy alternative for them. either way it could be a wonderful summer or one containing all the flaws they bring together and it turns out to be a long slog of trepidations and angst for a very long three months.

I loved things like "a bad tooth I couldn't stop touching," "teacup breasts" "chocolate freckles," the smells, the looks of things, etc. It was very intense and exciting. The characters and environments all seemed so real and vivid. Outstanding.+++ Hoping for more.

Nice imagery, realistic emotions and beautiful interpersonal conversations. This story should be read by other authors to get a feel for what it takes to create a real characters that readers can relate to/invest in.

Keep up the good work.

The loose associations here are like the tide that washes away the sand castles in my head. I need story cohesion. The bottom of a shirt is a tail. No one in the history of Earth ever said, TUCK IN YOUR HEM.

Rambling on & on about mom & dad didn't add much to the story development. For that reason, it probably could've been 2 pages shorter & get down to business of brother & sister tenderness, caring & love for each other.

1 star for the skim thru of this rambling wreck of a tale.

1* to go away on

I was astonished by the comments this story has received, considering that not only is it extraordinarily readable, but actually explores the way it's possible to justify and rationalise things into normality when they occur so regularly. I sympathised with Kate and found both primary characters believeable - due to the slow and careful building of their backgrounds! - and the secondary characters realistic as well. People come in all shapes, sizes and flavours and most of the time truth is a helluva lot stranger than fiction.

The development here was well thought out, pacing punctuated perfectly by memories and the pain of the past, each scene adding depth to the next. The flow was smooth overall and the descriptive narration was fresh and exciting, nary an expression to drag me from the story (the same cannot be said for authors who insist on their character's eyes "bouncing around the restaurant" or "lips crashing together" - mashed against teeth not being my style).

It's not an easy topic but as a taboo one, it evokes it's own excitement, and the trick is to provide a plausible reason - you did and I enjoyed this tale for the characters!

...about this story was how cleverly you weaved together three disparate stories. A believable main storyline as the base to support the two separate storyarcs in introspection.

And if you get the inspiration you already have the foundation to a much larger novella.

This story doesn't make sense. It's about sibcest apparently, but . . . the MC actually has incestuous fantasies about her dad. The author goes into that in two long scenes. And then, voila! All of a sudden, these are transferred to the bro. The reason for that is kind of lame. Seems to be just cause she's feeling vulnerable and well, he's there. Would she do any male relative? Incest fantasy doesn't transfer like that.

The pool is some kind of symbolic thing connected to the dad. Hmmm. Should we puzzle this out?

And what about the bad marriage? Why did she accept such a bad situation for so long? Hmmm should we puzzle that out?

Or are these meant to be fluid atmospheric illuminations of character?

On top of that the MC is so unlikeable. Self-absorbed. Flat, Cynical. Bitter. Seems to be introspective but isn't really. (Avoiding her dad problem for one thing.)

It's a well written, confused mess of an incest tale.

Loved all the tendrils of tension in this story. Not normally an incest fan, but this one drew me in with multiple placement of questions that the reader wants resolved. A realistic human story in which characters move through stages of development toward the conclusion. Very well written.