The Psychology of Submission

"So... Why have you come to see me today, Bri? Why do you think Sonya told you about me?"

"Well I have some issues coping with my anxiety and Sonya said she had been coming to you for years." Alicia smirked at my reference of Sonya.

"I definitely can help you. But only if you want to be helped, and except my guidance." Her phrasing was awkwardly put and mysterious. Guidance she said, kind of like the sway of her hips telling me to follow.

"Okay."

"Say it. Tell me that you want to be helped."

I sat awkwardly for a few seconds and then spoke. "I want to be helped."

"You have to convince me better than that."

Once again I spoke, this time louder. "Please help me, I want to be helped."

"Good. Now tell me, why do you think you have this anxiety?"

"Well I-" a buzz came from my purse. I let it ring in the silence that filled the room. When it was over, another buzz came, this one shorter than the last- a text. I really didn't want to seem rude and be on my phone during a discussion like other people...

"You may answer that."

I reached into my purse and received my phone which alerted me that I had one missed call and a new text. The text read in two parts: "(1/2)Hello, Bri Vesiliev. This is Julianne Redolph with F and R Accounting and Tax and I just wanted to let you know that there is no need to come in for the interview tomorrow. The (2/2)other candidate couldn't make it so you have the job. Congratulations! Call me back when you can."

I stared at my phone completely in shock. I got the job? Just like that? None of this made sense yet I didn't care. So far New Hampshire has been good to me.

Alicia's mouth formed a large grin as she stared at the wall behind my head, almost as if she knew what I just read. "So, why do you think you have anxiety?"

From there we had a long conversation about the origins of my emotions, and she still had an air of dominance around her, like she was purposefully keeping secrets from me.

"Do you want to know where I think your anxiety comes from?" She asked pridefully. "I think this world is too much for you. Your anxiety has nothing to do with your move or your newfound loneliness. You," she leaned forwards, looking deeper into my eyes as if trying to count each one of my eyelashes, "feel like the world has given you too much responsibility. Too much is expected of you, and that scares you. So you act out."

"How do you mean I 'act out?'" I asked.

"Well, you go to lesbian bars and have dates with other girls, even though we both know you don't swing that way. Am I right?

Her entire speech was accusatory and derogatory, yet I couldn't help feeling as though she was correct in some of the things she had said.

"How do you know I'm not gay?"

"Because Sonya told me," She answered immediately. "Sonya told me that she went out on a date with a straight girl who she recommended to me. Now I don't know her justifications for calling you straight, but was she wrong?"

I sat there staring at Alicia. I genuinely liked Sonya, as a friend at least, and this is how she talks about me?

"It's a simple yes or no question, Bri. Are you straight?"

"Yes." I sighed. Saying it outloud made me feel pathetic. I practically offered myself to women for free drinks and a free dinner.

"Do you think if you were given a little less responsibility, you would act out a little less?"

It made sense to me. "Maybe."

"Did it relieve you when you found out you wouldn't have to go to the job interview tomorrow? When you found out you wouldn't be expected to dress up and defend your professional image to random strangers?" Those words were supposed to sting, I could tell. But how did she know about my text? Then she turned her phone over to me so that I could read her texts with someone under the name 'Leaky.'

The single text read: "You have a job applicant for tomorrow. Her name is Bri Visiliev. She has the job, receive your treat Saturday." The text seemed cryptic. Was 'Leaky' my new boss, and how did Alicia know her?

"I have a lot of patients like you, Bri. You are not the only one who is scared of the world, and there is nothing wrong with that. I guide people like you so that they feel safe in this threatening life. Your boss is one of those people. She is just like you and now she is helping you. Do you understand?" I didn't. I truly, truly did not understand what she was getting at, but everything she said about me, about the fear and the responsibility, was so accurate, I felt compelled to go with it, and I nodded.

"It's okay if you don't," she clarified. "It's one of the reasons why you're here with me." The world seemed to stop for a moment. I couldn't fully understand her, but somehow she seemed to make sense to me.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Well, Bri, you have a fear of responsibilities. You had a responsibility to show up to F and R tomorrow. I took care of that responsibility. Now-"

"But how-" I was interrupted.

"Don't cut me off," she warned. I was just so curious. "As I was saying. Now I can continue to relieve your stress and mitigate the number of responsibilities you have if..." she trailed off the sentence as a suggestion that I guess her ultimatum. But I had no clue, and I let her finish it herself. "If you let me help you like you told me you wanted me to." She stared into me and I looked down at my feet.

So she would help me out if I came by for therapy every now and then? "How would you help me?" I questioned her.

She crossed her legs the other way and for some reason I was drawn to her action. "There are people- most people, probably- who live their daily lives happy, and sad, and angry, and mostly, boring. These people marry and have children with other like-minded individuals." Where was she going with this? "Then, there are a few people who don't marry because they realize that one partner will never be enough for them, and that they need control of their own lives. And I don't mean control as in where to eat or what to wear. I mean these people can control every aspect of their own lives because they are smart."

"How do you mean?" I was so lost.

"Imagine: there is a pretty young woman who moves to a new state after college, and she needs your help." Alicia was so creative. "Are you smart enough to position yourself in such a way that you can help her? You see I, throughout my life, have made discoveries about myself that are shamed by society, even though it's perfectly natural to have my desires. To achieve my desires I looked towards other people who have complimentary goals, and from there I find comfort." The more she talked the more confused I seemed to become.

"These people of whom I can depend on are scared of the world we live in. Reality frightens them; the universe holds too much responsibility for their sweet little hearts to bear, so I take it up for them, because these kinds of people were meant to give up control to the others who were meant to take control. Which one do you think you are Bri?" Now I knew what she was getting at, but I didn't want to give in to her games.

"I'm one of the normal people," I said in a way that was supposed to sound confident but came out more as a question than a statement.

"Really? Do normal girls submit themselves to the stares and thus the emotional validation of other women for minute gains like drinks and a dinner?" It was an accident that I ended up at a lesbian bar. Although, even after the supposed 'accident' I still did go into the bar and allow one of the women to take me out and treat me to dinner.

"What are you saying? I'm the anxious type. Isn't that why I'm here?" I was beginning to raise my voice and she began a soft shush, effectively silencing me. I understood her point, but what was her solution? How did she plan to fix me?

"So, Bri?" She didn't look at me this time, but instead looked down towards her feet in deep thought as though each word was a matter of life and death. "Knowing what you know now," she took a breath in and met my stare with the faintest curve of her lips. Her breathing lifted her chest up, forcing forwards her perfect breasts for my hungry eyes to soak in. She noticed my wandering attention and chuckled. "You really are a specimen aren't you?" I blushed at this, I felt like a kid who was caught sleeping in the middle of her english class. I think she saw my embarrassment and responded "There's no need to be embarrassed, honey. What you're doing is perfectly natural and it's part of the reason that you're here right now." But was it natural? Maybe I wasn't as straight as I would have previously believed. "As I was saying, knowing what you know now, about who you are, about who I am, would you still have me help you feel safe in this scary world?"

"How would you help me?" She smiled when I asked.

"That would be easy," she stated matter-of-factly. "Submit to me."

My brows furrowed involuntarily in the deepest confusion. How did she mean for me to 'submit?' At this point I considered leaving her home and cancelling my plans with Sonya. Who did she set me up with? And was Sonya one of the people like me? It was hard to imagine.

"What does submitting mean to you?" My stomach was nervous.

"It means giving me your person and trusting in me completely. Let me have you, give yourself to me for me to own and to train."

"You mean to train me like a dog?"

"If it helps you to see it that way then yes, like a dog." Again with her clever answers.

"I think-"

"Before you make any decisions, I want you to see something. Sonya! Come in here for a second, would you!" Now she thoroughly had my attention.

Half a minute went by in the most awkward silence, of which Alicia did not seem the slightest bit phased, before I heard hard steps against the cold tile outside the carpeted room. Someone rapped against the door.

"Come in, dear." The door opened with a lethargic creak. From behind entered beautiful Sonya in a strange outfit. She wore a lingerie rendition of the classic-black maid's outfit, complete with long white gloves that stretched to just above her elbows. Her dress pressed up her large breasts which were nearly squeezed completely out of her tight number, and I was sure I could see the border of her left areola. Her feet were housed in three-inch black heels which sunk a quarter-inch into the soft carpet. Above that, her thighs were sheathed in white thigh-high stockings with tiny black bows at the very top. They were held up by a lace garter belt. The hem of her skirt rode high on her hips, exposing the bottom of her ass. It appeared that she wasn't wearing any panties. As I gawked at her naked bottom, she adjusted herself so that she was adjacent to Alicia, and then I forced my eyes off her.

"It's okay. You can look. It doesn't have any shame, does it?" She asked Sonya.

"No, mistress." Sonya wasn't making any eye contact. "It is happy to show its body to your guest." Just then she gave a curtsy, sheepishly lifting up her skirt, displaying her shaven pussy to me before returning to an indignant stance. This was not the Sonya I was used to seeing.

Alicia rose from her seat and took a place behind Sonya. She began kissing her neck which Sonya bent for easier access. She slowly brought her hands from Sonya's waist up to her cleavage which she groped like she owned (which it turns out she did) before gripping the top of her neck line and abruptly yanking down so that Sonya's breasts hung freely. Alicia stepped back and unzipped the back of her dress slowly. Sonya let it fall to her feet and made no effort to hide her now-exposed pussy. She was completely naked except for her heels, her stockings, and her gloves.

"Get in inspection position," Alicia barked, making circles around Sonya.

Sonya then spread her legs shoulder-width apart and placed her hands behind her head.

"I think my guest likes you, slut." Alicia saw that I was staring at Sonya's sex. It was a soft pink with large lips on either side. The inside of her left thigh had a thick drop like drool rolling down its smooth exterior. "Tell her that you're interested in her as well."

"My mistress-"

"No, no. I'm not the one drooling because of Bri, am I?"

"No mistress, I'm sorry." Sonya looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes. She looked so beautiful naked, I just wanted to be alone with her, if not to have sex but rather to admire her body. Then she spoke with her equally attractive accent.

"It has noticed that mistress's guest has been looking at it." Why was Sonya talking like this? "It would like mistress's guest to know that it would be pleased if she used it in any way she saw fit." Sonya's pussy was wetter than it was a few minutes ago almost like she was standing in an invisible sauna. Did she actually enjoy this? She couldn't possibly find pleasure in this kind of degradation. Mistress Alicia- Alicia, I mean- didn't even call Sonya 'her' in speech. I looked back up to Sonya to see how she was reacting to this and I found a small smile on her lips. I couldn't believe this- Sonya, actually enjoyed being treated like a slave.

I opened my mouth to speak to Sonya but no words came out. I was shocked at what was before me. I kept on looking back and forth between Alicia and Sonya. Alicia spoke first.

"It's normal to be confused when first being introduced to all" she gestured to everything around her "of this. But this is what you need." I could think of no reason why I needed any of this. Alicia kept her eye on me when asking Sonya "Sweetie, how were you when you first met me?"

"This slut was taking many medications to help with its anxieties. It wasn't very happy."

"And how is it now?" It seemed Alicia called Sonya 'you' when she wanted to sound loving, and called her 'it' when she wanted to seem... anything else.

"It is happier than it's ever been, mistress."

"What made it happy?"

"Serving its mistress. This slut was sheltered by its mistress who took control of it and had it serve her. Serving its mistress has made it so happy, ma'am."

Sonya seemed to be getting emotional. She was taking this very seriously.

"So she's your sex slave?" I asked.

Alicia answered. "She is a slave but she is here by her own will, and she does more for me than just pleasure me." I was slow with all my words, picking them carefully.

"Sonya?" she looked up at me. "You really like this?"

She nodded anxiously like she was apologizing for something really bad she had done. "It does, it really does."

"And you would like me to do this?" I asked Alicia

"Obviously I want you. And I will have you, I promise. But what is up to you is when you realize how much you want to submit to me."

"I thought you said I was straight." I was doing my best to act angry even though at worst I was just annoyed. I don't know why I wasn't more upset though. Maybe I was a lesbian or at least bisexual. Though that doesn't mean I like to be treated like an animal.

"And?" She asked. "You will learn to love women, or at least learn to pleasure them and enjoy it when you're doing it." I had no more questions to ask, I didn't know what to do now.

"I can show you what it would be like," she offered. "I can have slut service you." Sonya took a step forward placing her naked body closer to my own.

I wanted to be 'serviced' in all honesty just to see if I actually was attracted to women, but I declined out of principle. I didn't want to use anybody for my own pleasure. "I think I'm going to go now," I said, rising from my seat. Alicia pursed her lips and asked Sonya to leave the room which she did without any response. When Alicia returned from the door she eyed me with a menacing grin and took slow steps toward me, speaking in a similar pace.

"You know," she took a step "Sometimes I find," step "that some people are scared," step "and all they need," she was standing in front of me now "Is a little," she was toying with the bottom of my tank-top "Initiation." She lifted my shirt up quickly, leaving me in my black bra with no top and started passionately kissing me. I didn't resist nor did I want to. It only took a second for me to return the affection. This felt right. It felt like something I was longing for all my life and assumed I already had. My most intense moments with any man had never felt as fulfilling as kissing Alicia did right now, even if she was some thirty years older than me.

"Take off your pants," she ordered. This was happening, I was going to have sex a woman. The rush was exhilarating.

I remember having a crush on a girl in 3rd grade, but that was just child's play I thought; I would mature out of that phase. As it turns out, I was wrong. Fifteen years later I would finally realize that I was gay, and with a woman as fiery as Alicia. There were many other signs as well: going to a gay club, the date with Sonya, gravitating towards other gay people in college... I suppose it should've been more obvious to me.

I did as I was told and removed my pants, nearly falling over onto the couch. When I was done I looked towards Alicia for further instructions.

"Now unzip my skirt." In hindsight, I should have known that this was not normal protocol for a casual hookup, but I was so over excited for my first time with a woman and I wasn't sure if this was normal discourse for lesbian interaction. After all, I thought this was all part of 'topping' and 'bottoming.'

I got onto my knees so that I was eye-level with her hips and slowly unzipped the side of her skirt so that it dropped to the floor around her ankles. Staring me in the face were her lacy red panties which somewhat resembled the color of her blouse that she was now removing. She could take her panties off herself, couldn't she? I don't think I had the courage to take that step, it was all going a little too fast for me. I looked back up at her from the ground.

"Well if you're just going to stare at them," She said relieving herself of her blouse matching bra and then moving onto her panties. She was completely naked now and I was still wearing my underwear, I felt a little out of place, but I didn't break my eye contact with her. She lifted my head up by my chin so that I was craning my neck and she was looking down at me. She began petting my hair and very lightly said "Go on."

I looked down towards her bare pussy and took in the moment. Alicia spent the last hour trying to convince me that she could help my anxiety and yet at this moment I couldn't remember ever feeling more anxious. Only inches away I could smell her sex radiating her fragrance. I wasn't sure if I was up to the task, if I could eat out another woman. Once again I looked back up like a confused puppy trying to learn a new trick. I think was starting to understand what she was talking about before...

"Oh for goodness sake," she exclaimed as she forced me off the ground and pushed me back onto the couch behind me. "Take off your panties." I was so relieved that I didn't have to what I was about to do before, and I slid off my panties eagerly. "And your bra." Now I was as naked as her.

She pulled my legs towards her with a surprising amount of force so that half my ass was hanging off the cushion and I was leaning far back on the sofa. Then, she spread my knees apart and just looked at me. She did it in such a way that I felt I was being scolded, so I broke eye contact out of embarrassment. She then looked back down towards my nether region and began.

I moaned at first contact even though her tongue wasn't even touching my pussy. She was instead grazing her tongue around my sex, teasing my eager body. The longer she was down there the hornier I became. But she never indulged in my desires and stimulated my pussy like I wanted, instead she persisted in her method, slowly but surely driving me mad.

I brought my hips forward trying to force her into my sex, but she grabbed me at my waist and threw me back before returning to the whatever game she was playing with me.