All Comments on 'The Punchline Ch. 02'

More detail in the characters but apart from that it's a good plot you have here and please continue xxx

First off, I like the story and the characters so far but, the characters seem to be just a bit overdrawn. It would seem unusual for a relatively normal young woman who achieved a 4.0 gpa not to be able to find a job and become self sufficient, let alone be homeless for five years. Now Grayson on the other hand is a shattered wreck because the love of his life left him for another man. I agree those events are rather debilitating in the short term, but people move on. They may be very bitter and unable to form new relationships, but he is a bit extreme in my view.

That said, if you put two shells of people together, good thing will probably happen because clearly they need each other. I don't mean this to sound particularly critical, just comment about how real the characters come across.

She had a 4.0 GPA and no offers of a scholarship ?

Thanks for sharing.

Red hair--natural blonde??

She had long red hair but was a natural blonde.

I don't think you really have any idea of what you're writing or at the very least you don't re read it.

Okay, I've seen this go around twice now and I just wanna address this because people don't seem to think before commenting on it.

Long red hair but a natural blonde - What I mean is she dyed her hair red, but, she is a natural blonde. Not everyone keeps their same hair color. Literally, if you took two seconds to process what you are reading before jumping the gun, you guys would know that's obviously what the main character was saying.

As a teacher, I find this waste of high quality people, horrifying. Someone should have wondered what happened to the brilliant girl. Why didn't she go to school.

The nerd's case is fairly typical of literotica. As a reader, I find the story very interesting. Five star kind.

You tell a good tale. The characters are believable and the plot works well. Looking forward to more developments. Thanks

for the story to start.

He works part time.

she doesn't.

It has been months.

He bought her some clothes.

no one buys food.

the only thing they have shared so far is a wrestling program on tv

they have no friends

they have no relationship with family

and, oh yeah, he plays video games.

another "chapter" that is less than a single page

meh

The Penetrator was in Demon Souls. Not Dark souls. just thought I'd put that out there. Good story so far though.

Very nice progression of the description of the life of two broken people who need one another to survive.

5*

BJ