All Comments on 'The Queen Inmate's Pet Ch. 01'

Keep it going

Great story, I'd like to see more

Alright this was a deliciously good read. But a few points (granted I'm not an author and you have shown quite a lot of skill with the keyboard so these are just my opinions):

- I really can't see where this story will go to in later chapters unless it's just the same as this chapter. The queen said she doesn't want to leave so the story seems to be confined to a prison with no room for growth and just lots of reluctant sex

- The human seems to be one with honor and I can't realistically see him keeping this secret from his wife and still pretending like nothing happened around her. And if he does, this part of the story will be cringe worthy. Maybe a guy that needs money, cause his parent's need an operation and this was the only job that could pay for the needed treatment, would have been a better option so the stress of having to keep a secret from his employer, rather than both his employer and wife, is alleviated...

- Couldn't he still go to the warden and say he was raped? He could demonstrate that his neuro-shocking thing doesn't work on those inmates Then show the video which would just be clips and not have the entirety of the occurrence - thus eluding to it being doctored, and also have his blood taken to show he was drugged, eluding to his innocence. Unless the warden was in on it too...

- Or he could just shot the inmates over what they did to him and still show the doctored video, and have his blood taken to show that he was drugged, as reason for shooting them. I'm sure the prison officials wouldn't mind having these "scum" eliminated, especially a drug lord, which would also give inmates for reason to keep in line, especially around the new human guard.

Ok, I know I'm VERY over-analytical, to the point of not being any fun LOL, and again this was a delicious chapter and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Thanks for posting!

As to your comment; first off, thanks for reading! To address your concerns, you do raise some good points, and you're right that a portion of the next chapter or so (I don't plan on making this an exceptionally long story. Just one more equal length chapter probably) will end up being more reluctant sex, plus guilty sex involving him and his wife as well. But rest assured I do have enough of a plan in mind to change up the dynamic of the story a bit down the road with Tevros. And I have a tentative plan for how this will blow over with the wife too, as well as a reason for his hesitancy to pick up and leave this prison and risk unemployment.

Secondly, you're definitely onto something with the Warden. I didn't want to give too much away, but let's just say that she is not as idealistic as she first passed herself off to be. And for that matter, Eric was not posted at that prison by chance, I'll say that much. This is sort of a concept (if not an entirely realistic one) that I wanted to explore since watching The Shawshank Redemption (one of my favorite movies); this being, the inmates are bad, but the ones running the prison are worse.

In any case, there will be a few reasons why he can't take this to the Warden, including what I just mentioned. And he is agreeing to do this at this point because he isn't quite thinking clearly. All he is thinking about right now is what he has to lose; it hasn't quite occurred to him yet that if he were to move quickly enough to go to the RIGHT people, he could probably gain the upper hand on Tevros and her gang somehow. But I am also going to change Tevros's interaction with Eric much later on down the line too (maybe there's a small sliver of her that is capable of redemption??)

Anyway, I can't guarantee that I will alleviate all of your concerns with the next chapter(s), but I have taken into consideration all the things that you have. And I'll be the first to admit that when I envisioned this story, I had the initial concept - a gang of alien female inmates claiming a human guard - in mind first and foremost over a logical plot. But in any case, I do hope that you will end up enjoying the rest of the story and that some of the pieces will fall into place :)

Thanks!

-Et2bruttus

A good read but a niggling concern,seeing as he went to the aid of a sick inmate and was in communication with base at the time,how come there was no rescue after going silent for several hours

There is a reason for that which will be explained in the next chapter. Perhaps I should have at one point had Eric ponder that, like "where the hell are the other guards while this is happening to me?!" so that that concern is at least addressed with the readers, even if that question is not going to be answered until the next chapter.

First of all, the word is not "mam", it's "ma'am", a contraction of the word "madam".

More importantly, I found it impossible to believe that the protagonist would not worry (if only to himself) about whether or not it was safe to have sex with aliens. Not only could there be STDs, but gawdawful alien equivalents of crabs, lice, and who knows what else!

Hell, for all he knew, their vaginas could be lined with razor-sharp teeth! And it HAD to have crossed his mind that the Praying Mantis-like insectoid alien might want to make a meal of him after coitus (something female praying mantises have long been rumored to do with male mantises).

And I felt that it showed a great lack of imagination on the author's part that the various alien women liked all the same things that human women always do on Literotica, and that they all had clitorises (clitori?) You could have given us some insights into their worlds and cultures by having them be different from humans in ways other than their looking like cats, lizards, spiders and such, but instead you took the easy way out by making them, in essence, human females wearing alien costumes (yawn).

Sorry you feel this way, and I appreciate any feedback, positive or negative. You raise the point that, yes, I could have gone into more detail about the aliens in this prison and their backgrounds and cultures, but as I said in an above comment, this was never intended to be a monumentally large story. I am by no means setting out to write a novel with this story, especially when I gain nothing of monetary value from this endeavor.

And, while you're right about the contraction "ma'am," I have seen mam used as a common variant of that, so it is not entirely incorrect here.

And in any case, I see no problem with giving aliens human-like mannerisms and even dialogue (I explained earlier that the dialogue was being translated into common Earth English via neural implants). There are plenty of sci-fi 'verses that give alien species very humanlike social and cultural habits, so I don't see what the issue with that is, even if you seem to feel that it "lacks imaginations." However, if you read closely, I did drop various hints that reference certain species' cultural backgrounds, such as Tevros' spiritual side (marking herself with tattoos for her sins), and the Kithars' tribal social hierarchy, etc. You have to understand that sometimes when dealing with aliens in sci-fi, if you make them so foreign that people can no longer relate to them in any kind of way while reading, the story can start to feel hollow and obscure to some readers. Even aliens need to be somewhat relatable, I feel.

So, sir, perhaps you are right and I do lack imagination. Thing is, I was trying to appeal to one specific kink with this story while in a slightly unique setting and situation. Could I have developed characters, backgrounds, dialogue, action and mannerisms more? Yes I could have. But this is the story that I wrote and I am proud of the way that I wrote it regardless.

But I do appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

Don't worry about criticism in regards to STD's, crabs, lice, etc... nor pay any heed to alien customs, anatomy, etc. This ISN'T fucking Star Trek! You are not writing some galactic alien compendium nor an encyclopedia of galactic cultures. You wrote a very hot and kinky sex story that involves aliens taking what they want from a male human. This in of itself is rare to say the least. I love stories like this where men are raped and forced to cum and I am happily awaiting the next installment! Maybe he could be introduced to a pseudo-pod, or a cum-drinking tentacle. =o) Keep up the great work and fuck the Trek. lol

Any chance we'll see inter species impregnation?

Wonderful story, any criticism would be splitting hairs.

I'm a bit surprised he didn't seem more concerned about pregnancy. These cowgirls aren't shy about riding bareback.

I really enjoyed this story and prefer to see the scope you've created rather than anything you might have done wrong. I enjoyed the characters, setting, and the moral dilemma you gave Eric.

I'd love to read a follow up to this, and perhaps toy with the idea of Stockholm syndrome. Eric might gradually find his feelings for Tevros becoming more romantic?

At any rate, excellent work.

I like this story a lot, with the exception of the ending which I felt was a little contrived. There was plenty of build up to set the appropriate tension, the back story was good, it. Old have been a bit more refined but it didn't bog down the story any. The character development was good and will undoubtedly improve over time but again the ending fell flat. The whole "If you don't do as I say I'm going to tell" piece just didn't work for me. Like I said it was too contrived, too convenient for the author. I've read your other stuff and this was softer pitch than you've thrown before. And you left some what I can only assume we're deliberate omission from this tale.

Personally I would have preferred a little more grit or edge, it is deep space after all. A major rescue attempt for their missing or captive fellow guard. I mean he was in communication with his fellow guards before everything went South, so some Administrative response would have been appropriate, I can't imagine their communications wouldn't be monitored, it is a high tech facility after all. A death or two, either at the rescue attempt or before would've been nice. Before it would help set the tone for just how dangerous it is to work in a Maximum Security Facility, not for the faint of heart. During the rescue attempt there could be something graphic like having one of the inmates blown away while she was in the middle of sexual congress, say our resident sociopath who was in all likelihood going to cause serious harm any way - a sort of saved by the Calvary moment if you will. There just seemed to be many other possibilities here to set a darker more true tone to this story.

Lastly the "Hook" which felt contrived. I would have bought into a more addiction based driver for continued fraternization. I mean you already had the Plot Device - Hesh - right there, a couple of doses of the drug to hook him, endorphins firing like never before, the thrill of further illicit sex, the desire (guilt) of wanting to experience the same thing with his wife, maybe some poor sexual results for him with the wife after his ordeal, or even a desire to get her hooked on the same experience. This could split off into his wife's addiction being the driver and him being pushed at both ends to be complicit in a moral conflict. Not to mention we have other guards on the take.

So four out of five for me, for the reasons I've mentioned. Your Aliens story was edgier so maybe I was hoping for some of that. Any way good job, didn't me to be overly critical here just attempting to point out stuff, I'll shut up now.

Very well put together, I would love to see some interspecies impregnation.

Please for the love of God, update this. By far one of my favorite stories m

I absolutely love the storry Bruttus so much so that I had to come back and read it again. Please update soon. Id love to see this become more and more consentual as time moves on and maybe even some interspecies pregnancy as noted in other comments. Please Continue!

-LNT

P.S. Its rare that I respond to a story in any fashon at all so that is an indication of how much I liked this one :)

Eric has got to knock Tevros up!!!

first, don't listen to those who complain about these details, they are the same who do so about my little pony, you had a good plot, a back story, a rising action, a climax, and a falling action, you had a protagonist and an antagonist.

this could be a story you could sell if it was longer. i would pay.

also if possible here are some ideas.

1. pregnation (as others has said)

2.cum eating tentacle?(not so sure on this one.)

3.them finding out his cum taste good,( maybe they even use it as a topping?)

4.have the warden be corrupt(how else did no guard come for him and also you said see was not all good.)

5.maybe the prison gets attacked and the crime tevros escapes and takes eric with her, the news being stupid says that they are in cahoots tougher. or maybe the person who did the jail break just spun it that way maybe even to kill tevros. and thus eric it shoved into mob life

Where are all the cameras and surveillance technology to keep track of the inmates and staff? How the hell could he captured for hours without someone noticing or staff noticing Tevros isn't playing Queen? It's far in the future and it should be practically impossible without precautions.

Other than that, awesome story.

You can't get us all hooked on this and then throw the story away, that's just cruel! ( ;~;)

Please keep going

Lets see how will things go.

Is it dead?

This and Halloween .....GREAT stories.....want more more more.

Great job

Damn this is awesome please tell me you have more pages in mind. I really want to see more!

""

The next couple hours were a blur to him, thanks to the wonders of Hesh

""

O.k., while poetic license is needed to make this sex scene happen (yay!!) you've gotta wonder wtf is up with this 'high tech' prison! Lol. Nobody wondered about a guard wandering off without checking in or being checked on for hours on end? There aren't cameras and sensors and sound recorders covering every square inch of the prison?

I'm guessing the guard that sent him to check on the sick inmate was on the take, heh. ...and the shock device, either his was faulty (doubtful) or these girls either have a suppressor or have had their implants bypassed. ...oh, and where can I buy a case of this Hesh?! Hehehe ;)

""

Then panic swept over him as he remembered Warden Hecula's strict rule against fraternization. He'd been here a couple weeks and he'd already been captured and forced into bed with a group of wanton female inmates. How could this have happened?! Had any of the guards seen him?!

""

Ok, just saying, what kind of backward ass thinking is that anyway?!? Had the guards seen him? Well you would think that if they did they would have realized he was in trouble, with the worst of the lot no less! The warden? Is he really that stupid, lol. Big difference between banging an inmate and being bound, gagged, drugged and raped, lol. Hell, first stop should be the wardens office! Lol (wouldnt that be fucked up if she was in on it? Hehe)

...me personally, I have a soft spot for big, furry kitties ;)

I guess poetic license with all their blackmail threats too since common sense would be for him to go straight to the wardens office while putting his wife on conference call so she could hear it all at the same time. Rip that bandaid off!! Hehe, hey if his wife truly loves him she would believe him when he tells her he wouldn't let an insectoid anywhere near his cock and balls! Rofl!

...and wow, a whole shift without anyone checking on him, lol.

...AnYwAy! The story is just awesome so far, lots of fun! I'm not knocking it above, it's just a fun pastime looking for plotholes in stories, movies or tv shows, hehehe!

Really looking forward to the next chapter!!

Good fic but I would love to see more

It hurts seeing a story this good called ch.01...

And it be dead lol

I think I might... copycat you a lil

This premis deserves more 😂