The Question with Many Answers

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A father realizes he can't let go of the past.
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Chapter I

Work had sent me away for yet another conference out town and I finally arrive home very late on Friday evening. Your mother is fast asleep and I don't want to wake her with the sounds of me cleaning up after my trip. I put my suitcase in the hall and pop into the master bedroom. She is resting comfortably so I kiss her on the cheek so she knows I am home safe. But this wakes her up just enough to recognize my presence and mutter something about having an appointment early the next day. At this point I know for sure that there's no chance of "Welcome Home" sex, so I head upstairs to use the 2nd bathroom to avoid waking her up any further. It's now after midnight and it seems everyone else is asleep as well.

I start up the shower and turn the lever as hot as I can stand it. Standing there naked, I can see just how much of a toll the stress of the trip and the travel has taken on me. I look exhausted and tense at the same time. Long days of meetings and lonely nights of cheap porn has left me sexually frustrated to the point where I am almost angry about it.

I step into the shower, hoping that the water will help relax me. The sting is actually pleasurable because at least it is a new sensation after a week of nothingness. Looking around the bathroom I see bottles of shampoos & conditioners, lotions & creams and even the shaving materials that you must be using for your bikini area since I know you get your legs and underarms waxed.

Sometimes I forget how much you have grown and developed physically. There are still times when I see you as the little girl you used to sit on my lap and lay her head on my chest. Then there are times like this where I realize that you are now fully grown and stunningly beautiful..

I pop the cap on one bottle of shampoo and breathe in the scent. It seems familiar-as if I've smelled it before. I just don't know where. Each of the other bottles causes the same reaction. I recognize each distinct bouquet but can't remember from where.

The last bottle in the corner is different from the rest. It's obviously older and nearly empty, but I can tell from the cap that it had just been used today because a little drop had spilled on the edge and not yet dried up. This scent I know, but I had not smelled it in years. In a moment of clarity, the scene played out in my mind.

You were barely 18 and had come home crying at 1am. I was sitting on the couch and you sat down next to me. I assumed it had something to do with the guy you were dating because you'd been complaining about him for weeks. You were too far gone to even talk about it, so I motioned you over and opened up my arms.

You scooted over and snuggled up against me. This was something you hadn't done in a long time and it was only at that moment that I remembered I was only wearing a thin bathrobe that wasn't even fully tied.

Your head was nestled against my bare chest with my arm draped over your upper back and my hand on the side of your ribs. I remember thinking that I should have felt a bra strap underneath your shirt but it wasn't there.

We stayed that way for what seemed like hours just holding each other in the silence of the moment. Suddenly you tensed up at the sound of your mother getting out of bed in the next room and walking towards the bathroom. You pulled away just a little bit, but I held enough for you to know that I wanted you to stay. A minute later we heard the sound of the mattress springs creaking as Mom got back into bed and you immediately relaxed.

You came back even closer than you had been before and nuzzled your head under my chin. Then you reached through the opening of my robe to wrap your arm around my chest. Your right leg was pulled up across my lap and was dangerously close to rubbing against my cock. It was all I could do to stay under control as you simply laid there and absorbed the moment. I was sexually excited and scared at the same time and I wondered if this was all some sort of game for you. I knew that if you would have been just a little bit older I would have taken you right then and there.

The scent of that shampoo took me right back to that moment and only then did I realized that my erection was raging. My balls were already aching for release due to the rough week and the combination made me as horny as I'd been in a long time. At the same time, I was angry and frustrated since I had no way to satisfy that craving. I needed more than masturbation would provide.

I finished my shower and stood there along for a few moments to gather myself, but I was brought back to reality by the creak of the hallway floorboards. The distinct sound of someone trying unsuccessfully to be quiet echoed through the upstairs and I knew that somebody in the house was awake. I gathered my clothes and wrapped a towel around my waist. When I turned the handle of the bathroom door it dawned on me that I had never fully closed or locked it--probably because I had thought everyone was asleep.

I dropped my dirty clothes in the laundry room at the other end of the hall and made my way toward the staircase. That's when the scent of that shampoo enveloped me as it lingered in the air. It was too strong to have been there for more than a minute or two.

You had been watching me.

And, I think you wanted me to know.

Chapter II

My mind was racing with a dozen questions that could never be answered and a dozen more that probably shouldn't be. Part of me wanted to follow the scent to your room while the other told me it was a path that would lead to a terrible place.

Unsure of what to do, I settled into a chair deep into the corner of my loft area that was completely shrouded in darkness. I needed to think long and hard about these desires and this was the most serene place in the house.

Was I imagining all of this?

Maybe you had simply needed to go to the bathroom, realized I was in there and had returned to your room?

Maybe you had been curious for a moment? But that doesn't mean you wanted anything beyond a moment of voyeurism.

If I approached you and was wrong, it would surely create a wound between us that might never heal.

I had been there for 10-15 minutes when I heard the door of your room opening and I could see your form as you walked down the hall. The tiny bit of light coming through the large window at the front of the house was just enough to silhouette your frame, but too dim to reveal my position. I expected you to make the turn towards the bathroom and thereby confirm my earlier theory.

But you did not.

You stopped in the hall just six feet away from me and I could tell you sensed something was off. I knew you couldn't see me, but my heart was pounding so loudly in my chest that I thought it would give me away. I could see the rise and fall in your chest as you inhaled deeply in an attempt to pick up the scent that was out of place. You turned in my direction and I held my breath hoping you wouldn't take another step forward.

But you did not.

As you turned away again, I could see the detailed outline of your body. You normally slept in an oversized t-shirt and it was obvious you weren't wearing it. Your nipples were at full attention and I caught myself licking my lips ever so slightly as the thought of what it would feel like to taste them crossed my mind. You took a few steps toward the bathroom and drank in the scent again, this time taking several huge lungfuls through your nose.

I saw you take a step back and then have a moment of realization. The laundry room was just next door but out of my field of view, but I knew you went in there by the sounds of your steps and I could hear you rustling through the baskets. A moment later I heard a quiet, but definitive, "Yes!" followed by the sight of you scurrying back to your room.

The father in me was thinking you had realized you left something incriminating in your own clothes and had gone to retrieve it--which would mean that I had just been confused by everything I had just experienced for the last 30 minutes. In order to prove to myself that this was the case, I went to the laundry room expecting to find a pair of your shorts or jeans was now at the top of the pile, but I instead noticed that the undershirt I'd been wearing all day while travelling was missing.

Or was it? Surely I was imagining things. I told myself that I must be mistaken and started rummaging through the baskets to find it. Of course, it wasn't there. You really had taken it. What I did find was one of your bras that I'd never seen before. It wasn't brand new, but it was obviously designed to get a serious reaction out of whoever saw you wearing it. It was a beautiful red see through with black trim that looked almost devilish. I held it up and realized that you had grown a lot since the days when I would take you to the stores for such things. Now my curiosity was piqued. I kept digging and found the matching panties and was shocked at how tiny they were. Just a thin string for the back and a tiny triangle in the front that was too small to even fully cover you.

I had known you were sexually active for a long time but I had never been confronted with the evidence before. Now I was confused about how I should feel. You're 23 and just because you live in my house in the same room you grew up in, it doesn't mean that you are a child.

I tried to shake off the thoughts and buried your clothes back in the basket before heading downstairs to our master bedroom. I dropped the towel by the nightstand and climbed into bed. My erection was still as hard as it had ever been and the tip of my cock glistened with pre-cum by the glow of the moonlight shining through the window. I ran my hand up and down the shaft a few times before exploding and shooting my load all over my stomach, chest and even a little that landed on my lips. This was the first time I had ever tasted my own cum and I loved it. I scooped up the rest with my fingers and devoured that too, wondering all the while if your mother enjoyed the taste as much as I did.

Soon after I fell into a fitful and restless sleep as I was tormented by the growing desire that I had for you and the self loathing that those longings caused.

The next week passed without anything out of the ordinary, but I found myself paying more attention than ever to the tiny details of your body.

The softness of your shoulders.

The curve of your waist.

The stunning fullness of your ass

And the scent of your shampoo. It was different every day, but never the one from that night.

Was I imagining things or were you standing just a little closer to me when we talked? Was the swing of your hips just a little more pronounced when you walked? Did you really mean to buy that new shirt that tight?

Chapter III

Late Wednesday afternoon, your mother told me she had received a call that a distant relative had passed and she was going to fly back to her hometown to be with her family for the service. She was going to fly out Saturday morning and then come back first thing on Sunday. I knew immediately that something was going to change that weekend. I just didn't know what or how. One of us would finally give a sign to the other or the opportunity would forever be lost. What was strange is that all the little hints I'd been picking up on for the previous week suddenly stopped happening. Had the same thought crossed your mind and forced you to recognize the reality that the moment would soon be upon us? Did you have change of heart?

On Saturday morning I woke up early like a child who had been waiting for Christmas. Unable to go back to sleep, I decided to go for a long run through Memorial Park in the hopes that the burning in my lungs would provide a distraction from the fantasies that were dominating my thoughts.

That turned out to be a poor choice.

The part was filled with young women of every shape, color and size who were also working out and it was impossible to ignore the way their outfits accentuated the curves of their bodies. I cut off the run early and headed home even more frustrated than before.

I came home to find the house completely deserted and a note from your mother saying that you were driving her to the airport and heading out of town for the weekend. I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or relieved to find out that whatever I thought might happen certainly wasn't going to anytime soon.

I surveyed the house and its emptiness and was immediately sad. In my younger days I would have relished the opportunity to live my life for a few days without having to worry about anyone else's needs, but now I just felt lonely.

After my shower I decided to call a few buddies to see if I could set something up for the weekend, but they were all doing things with their own wives or girlfriends. Not wanting to be anyone's third wheel, I declined all of their polite offers and resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be alone. Figuring I should make the best of it, I went to the store and bought a nice steak and a 12-pack of my favorite beer. A quick sear on the grill and a couple of bottles later, I was feeling pretty full and ready for a serious nap. There was no reason to be modest, so I stripped down to my underwear and stretched out on the couch.

I'm not sure how long I'd been asleep, but it was certainly far later than I would have expected. The movie channel was playing a cheesy soft-core porn flick and the first images I saw were of a young woman in the shower. She had that same long flowing brown hair and beautifully rounded cheeks as you and for a moment I was transported back to a fantasy I had long since repressed.

However, that vision was short-lived as another person joined the girl on the screen. He was young, skinny and had those pretty boy features that look good at first but eventually fade over the years. He placed his hands on the shoulders of the girl on the screen and she turned around to face the camera for the first time. She looked so much like you that I immediately became angry that this little boy was having what I could not It took a moment to realize that my hands were clenched into tight fists and I was shaking with rage.

The scene faded away and my tension soon did as well. As I calmed down, it became apparent that I was obsessed with having you. My hard-on was raging and swollen and my breathing was deep and calculated.

I needed a drink and simple beer just wasn't going to cut it. This was one of those times I was glad we installed the mini-bar because it meant that my favorite beverage in the world would be on hand at all times.

There was something comforting for me in the process of making it.

The cutting of the lime wedges. The clink of the ice in the heavy glass. The scent of the Bombay Sapphire as it pours from the bottle. The tingly sensation from the fizz of the tonic water.

I needed that sense of control back for a minute and the taste of the cocktail brought back the state of calm that had alluded me for the previous few hours.

By the time I finished my third one, I had just enough of a buzz to feel relaxed, but enough clarity to know that it was time to stop. I cleaned up the kitchen and living room and decided to head off to bed. I figured if I slept in late enough, it would kill most of the remaining hours until your mother came home and things got back to normal.

I laid down in the bed and was asleep within moments. My body was still too stressed to fall into a deep sleep, but it was heavy enough that I did not hear the key quietly slide into the lock and the front door gently open.

Finally I felt the mattress move as your mother crawled into bed with me. She wiggled into place and I instinctively wrapped my arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to me. It wasn't until my arm slid down the front of her body did I realize that she was completely naked.

And it wasn't your mother.

I'm sure I must have tensed up at that moment of realization and you felt my reaction. For the previous 25 years I have always been the man in charge and the primary decision maker, so this feeling of confusion and indecision was paralyzing. I had absolutely no idea what to do next and I was mortified that my cock was rising with an erection that would not stay hidden long.

It was as if the roles were reversed and I was looking to you for guidance. We were both on our right sides and my left arm was draped over your midsection. You took my hand and moved it up to your left breast and I found the hardest nipple I had ever felt in my life waiting for me. You squeezed my hand to guide it around your breast and I heard you moan with pleasure. As you did, your head bent back towards mine and I was engulfed by the scent of your hair.

And that shampoo...

Chapter IV

For the first time in a very long while, I finally knew what I wanted. There was no confusion or lingering doubt. Instead, I was overcome by a raw desire to consume every part of you and to answer all of the questions that had been running through my mind for so long. For years, I had repressed these feelings and the the first touch of your skin was like a dam bursting from within.

My lips parted as I was about to ask you if you were sure that this was what you wanted, but I stopped before the words were spoken because I already knew the answer. Even if you were to have changed your mind, nothing was going to stop me from finally having you.

All of this time, my hand never left your breast and my fingers had not stopped squeezing on your nipple and I could sense it beginning to swell as a result. The feel of it told me part of the story and the sound of your moaning told me more. The fact that you were shrouded in the darkness seemed unacceptable and I needed to see you. I removed my hand from your chest and heard you sigh with disappointment as I reached across to turn on the small bedside lamp. As the soft light illuminated your body, I came to appreciate just how truly beautiful you are.

I told you to roll over onto your back so I could visually take you in. Your chest was heaving with the deep breaths of a person who knows that something very dramatic is about to occur and I could feel my own heart racing in tandem. Your nipples strained against the cool bedroom air and seemed ready to explode with anticipation so I bent down and licked the tip of the one that I had played with before with the end of my tongue while using my hand to work the other one. The more intensely I sucked and squeezed, the louder you moaned and the more you bucked your hips. It was apparent that tonight was not going to be gentle and sweet.

This was going to be about making up for lost time.

Your hands grasped the side of my face as I alternated back and forth between each of your breasts. Every time I switched, I sucked and squeezed just a little bit harder until I reached that perfect balance between pain and pleasure. I wanted you to know that I was going to use your body in such a way that would allow you to know how badly I had wanted this. Apparently you knew this as well because the first works you spoke to me were "Bite my nipples, Daddy!" Of course, I was only too happy to oblige and the howl that escaped your lips each time told me that I was giving you what you needed too.

As much as I was enjoying this, I knew there was so much more I wanted to do. So I turned you ninety degrees on the bed so you were laying from left to right and I pulled you back towards me just enough so your head was hanging off the side of the mattress. I grabbed your hands and put them by your side with the simple command of "Don't move". My erection was raging and the tip was glistening with pre-cum. You knew what I wanted next and opened your mouth and extended your tongue. I laid the head of my cock on the tip of it and allowed you to taste the reaction you had caused in me. The moan I heard let me know that you enjoyed the flavor and I made a mental note that I wanted you to swallow when I finally came. I pushed the rest of my cock into your mouth until I reached the back of your throat. Then I pushed even more. I expected you to resist, but you reached behind you and pulled me closer by the back of my thighs, keeping the full length in your throat as I started to grind my hips.

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