All Comments on 'The Return Ch. 02'

Good read so far, Thanks looking foward to the rest.

I'm enjoying it a great deal and I'm looking forward to future installments.

This was a reasonable explanation of the seven year absence.

Though it does sound like cutting off your nose to spite your face. He didn't even finish school. Sure he is brilliant and well trained but he could have given more to his family.

On with the show!

Thanks

With two chapters down, we have no wife in the story. We have parents that disappeared, but in fiction, they always show up later on, after years at sea or on some island. We have a Navy Seal and an unworthy adversary. This adds up to some real melodrama. I'd prefer longer chapters, and possibly one wife someplace in the story. I will, however, keep reading.

so far. short, but interesting.

His sister is marying the pricks brother. Keep writing.

The first chapter was good stuff; a bit short, but a very nice job of set-up for the story. And indeed, the second chapter is quite entertaining....except for the minor detail that there is no segue between the two! The reader has to get halfway through the first page to figure out that this is a flashback. All it really needed was a short paragraph, or even a single sentence to indicate that this is what happened before he left, not what is happening upon his return. (Maybe "As his flight left Jamaica, Geoff was thinking about what led to his abrupt departure from home..." or something like that.) Really, the story is looking to be very good. Just give the reader some warning when you make a shift in points in time. I'm looking forward to #3.

-- KK in Texas

Just as you are developing character, you stop. It is not just the shortness of the chapters themselves, it is lack of insight that you give us. Sarah for example is barely developed as a foil in this story and the Armestead character is a paper cut-out. The plot has promise, but your endings are abrupt - I know the whole cliff hanger concept, but in this case because you take so slong between chapters and so not develop enough the reader is not left wondering as much as going "What the hell?"

Very well written, interesting story, but the time sequence is a little confusing and Sarah's screw up with villian is heartbreaking , but 7 year disappearance is too long a period to maintain any real continuity in the story. I have always found steotypical years long disappearance after couple split up to be very unrealistic and irritating.

60 year old George

once again, very responsibile guy to leave a business to except he can't call or visit his mon in 7 yrs cause a girl fucked him over. very mature. i guess the armesteds chopped the parents to get a steal on the business.

Your chapters are to short and leave to much to be waited on. I dont really care for serials at all as sometimes the writer gets into other things and waits for than a day to publish the next segment. Stories on here can be several pages long! One does not abandon family for seven years and not even return for parents funerals and such. It may sound base but one girl isnt worth this, half the world population is female or thereabouts. And for every one you lose, they are hundreds that can and will evoke the same responses if you open to them. It other words there is no such thing as only one person for anyone. The girl was stupid, why would anyone want a stupid woman to birth his children. His sister isnt much smarter, an apple never falls far from the tree and all apples and easily rotten by only one bad apple. Who knows maybe she is just a whore and the guy offered her enough money to marry him. In seven years, Sarah should have a lot of kids, and why get a guy to promise not to mess with a girl he wants to fuck if you are not there to enforce the issue? To many stupid subplots writer.

Well thought out story keep going.

Keep Writing!

It's a good writing minus the predictability factor (for me), plot wise. I have read more than few stories on the temporay long distance relations, with the GF staying behind, warned, rebellious and angry. I could never figure out why the sudden attitude from the supposedly love stricken GF in face of a very common threat to the future of any relations (the long distance challenge). Sure enough - she falls, due to her own vain pride. <P>

I wish someone would come with another reason to the GF (or the BF for a change) falling prey to others...

Hey this is a great story. thankyou.

Thanks for a 2 great chapters.

She may have been drugged, but she was placing herself in dangerous water. Not that she deserved to be taken care of, but he was justified in being angry with her behavior. She was an engaged woman, had been warned, even knew rumors were swirling, and still went to dance with the terd. That alone is justification for leaving her. Five stars.

. . . with action, drama and violence built around a common story theme. The pot is common but the treatment so far is really well done to my reading.

Good job!

Very well written. Five stars.

Another tale of work where to woman supposedly loves the man, knows she is doing something wrong, disrespects him anyway, and then destroys his life. Im going to keep reading but I certainly hope this isn't another story where the guy is made into the bad guy for having to deal with something out of his control or something he repeatedly warned her about.

don't see how anyone could think when you are engaged it is ok to date someone else.

But why would anyone who is in a committed relationship let alone engaged to be married think it was OK to date someone else. Worse yet after having been repeatedly told by your significant other that it is wrong.

I agree with the last anonymous comment. I certainly hope this doesn't become a story where Geoff is turned into the bad guy. None of it would have happened if Sarah didn't date around while being engaged. Anyone is better off without someone like this.

Good work on Bobby, he deserved more than he got. The silly bitch was probably drugged, but she should not have been there. Kind of what happened with my fiance, except she didn't need to be drugged. My Bobby didn't fare well either.

I'm very relieved that his absence wasn't caused by any arguments with his dad. However, if he and his parents were never estranged, then the lack of communication with anyone in his family just doesn't make any sense whatsoever. You don't reach the extremes like that if your relationship is still intact.

I have to drop your score to 4/5 because of this. He had no valid reason to totally disappear.

Are we to believe that women are really that stupid?

Lost me, mon.

When women had chaperones, they weren’t drugged and raped…

Sorry that she was drugged and sexually assaulted but she had zero business as an engaged woman to engage in dating behavior with another guy, especially a predator that her fiancee warned her about. She was not a mature person. Admittedly she was like 20 at the time.

Went from being so out of it she couldn’t distinguish who was fucking her, to absolutely aware of everything occurring. Not going to happen.