All Comments on 'The Right Choice Ch. 01'

I enjoyed it & hope to see the next chapter soon.

wheres the background and character development? wheres the plot? this sounds rushed and reads like a grade school dropout wrote it. delete and do a rewrite and use a GOOD EDITOR from now on.

Who are these people? Don't they have names? How did her marriage get into the condition it has? How did she begin to want to make love with her brother and not some other man? How did she let him know? How he respond? How does it all end? This is not really a story, just an episode in something untold. The writing is basically good; but redo it as a real tale, and it might turn out well.

You have chosen to begin almost in the midst of sexual activity, ignoring the character development and plot demanded by other commenters. This can work but the sexual action must be interspersed with asides, comments, vignettes, etc. that continuously contribute to an understanding of the characters and their predicament. We want to know why this hot sister is fucking her brother and we want to know who these people are. Please continue and I'll read the next installment.

Reading this story was like jumping in halfway through a movie and watching 20 minutes of it and then changing the channel.

This is only my opinion, mind you. It would not hurt to have a little bit of background on your characters. I know it is not easy to find an editor, I know, but there are an immense amount of basic grammar mistakes in this that makes it difficult to read. Don't stop writing by any means, but I think that you could do better before you even send it to an editor just by knowing the difference between past and present tense. I don't want to sound like an asshole, I still liked it.

Some good comments there, and some not so nice ones. You have a fair command of the written language, and that's a big start. An editor is helpful, when you can find one. That lack can be a big stumbling block. A person to give feedback is best for most of us. If you can't find anyone, there are books on writing. If you can't find an editor online, do you know someone who writes well? Alternately, look at the stories that you yourself enjoy. Look at how they are constructed, how much description is used, and how the phrases are put together. That's just for starters. Names aren't mentioned right away, and it is even late in the story, considering its length, that you casually reveal these aren't just adulterers but also siblings.

Richard Bach described writing as wordsmithing, and like any smith, the craft demands work and effort in order to improve one's skill.

The story hints that the sister turned to her brother and initiated this liaison, and that it is less about the sex than seeking simple affection through the sex. What motive does she have for this? The issue of pregnancy is thought about by the protagonist, but he doesn't talk about it with his sister. Why not? The sister, the trophy wife is a medical professional, hints of a nurse? You never come right out and say things directly. Hinting and subtlety work better when a lot of other parts are discussed directly; they can add nuance. Most readers can make the leap for things, but your story is written as if we should know these people already, and that indirect approach makes the story weaker because of all the unanswered questions. These may be vibrant people in your head, but we've just met them.

For example, why hasn't she discussed birth control if the brother is too shy to ask? A man who is willing to stuff his cock in his sister's pussy but is too embarrassed to ask about birth control is possible, but it stretches credulity, so it should be explained. When he asks where she wants him to come, she can preface it with, "I'm on the pill, come anywhere you like." Even if it later turns out she's lying, it handles the issue directly and you move on. As a nurse, she would know that you can become pregnant even if you do pull out; there is a small amount of sperm even in pre-cum. She can also get it if any sperm land on her labia, as the little wrigglers are designed for one thing and they will try. If she doesn't care where he ejaculates, is it because she's on the pill? Is she avoiding discussing it because she's not on birth control and wants to get pregnant without asking her brother about it? If so, that would indicate a serious lack a maturity on her part. Education (nursing) doesn't always translate as intellect or wisdom. And if she is so neglected as a wife and woman, why is she staying with the unnamed husband? Do she owe her husband some debt? Is he forcing her to stay?

If her husband is a surgeon and makes a lot of money, is he really too busy or has he secured the services of yet another adoring nurse to bang? Is he neglecting her because she wants kids? Or doesn't want them?

Possibilities here. Many more you can look at, imagine, expand upon -- and then use for more background, helping to set the scene and draw your readers in more effectively.

This starts in the middle of the story, and nothing is explained, so your readers are left with two choices; make up a preamble that fits what you've already written, or go find something to read that actually has a real starting point; I guess most readers will just take option 2, because why should they do your job for you? The whole point of a story is that it lead the reader through an adventure, a quest, a journey to a satisfactory conclusion; the prince wins through, the poor boy makes good, the guy gets the girl, but it has to start somewhere, you, as the writer have to illuminate the path those characters are taking, otherwise you might as well have a bunch of anonymous characters swapping meaningless dialogue in a blacked-out room. When no meaningful information is transmitted, the result is just noise; this story is noise, a meaningless noise, it has no beginning, no direction, no end in sight, just...noise.

if you finished the story. This could be a very hot sexy romp if you were to keep going.

I enjoyed how passionate you wrote their sex to be but i agree with most people here - You need a proofreader or you need to do your own proofreading because those mistakes in your writing reading distract the reader from the good points of your writing.