All Comments on 'The Scarf'

The word florid comes to mind. But congratulations on "striations". I had to look it up. Not at all sure women have ridged vaginas though.

Out of all the women I've had, no other ones had a ridged one. They must be rare.I gave story a 5 just because no closet fag was sucking cum from his wife's pussy

You start many paragraphs with you. You use you in the middle, and at the end of paragraphs. You use you a million times, indicating that perhaps you are screwed up in POV and/or tense, you know?

I suggested a dip in the pool? Well, I do have a pool but it's winter. I'm fairly certain I wouldn't suggest any such thing. "I stroke, massage, pinch, tickle, squeeze, and tweak your shaft, head, crown, sac, and testicles." My God, I've become gay! Wait, my wife says I'm not. This is so confusing!

by the comments that I don't want to read this story.

This appears to be your first story on LIT. so I hope you’ll consider this comment as constructive criticism intended to help instead of a putdown. Two of your other comments showcase a problem with your choice of writing in the second person. (BTY you did a very good job of 2nd person writing. It’s just that that POV has too many weaknesses for a novice to handle.) The “I’m confused “ comment couldn’t suspend belief and become the character in your story. This is a major problem with 2nd person. He’d have no problem becoming the “Bob” of a 3rd person or even the “I” had you written 1st person.

I suspect the “You write a story” comment stems from the reader having not read very many 2nd person stories, therefore not understanding what is required in 2nd person.

So where do I think you can improve? Be sure to preview your submission before you hit the submit tab. See how long some of your paragraphs are? That makes for hard reading on a monitor. Keep them short if possible.

I did not score this story since I don’t want to be unfair. To be honest, I had a hard time staying interested, and soon found myself skimming it. When I realized you were new I went back and reread in order to offer these comments. Don’t let the comments, mine nor others, discourage your writing. I’m betting you could rewrite this same story in 1st person and have a winner.

Just a married couple having fun by themselves...And that is refreshing in LW...3*

Just a married couple no btb, no cheating, nothing. Very good story. They should separate these stories. The husband and wife the btb the cheating, cuckold, hot wife ones. It would make it easier for fans of each to only read those.

"I was looking and waiting for you."

No you weren't. You were waiting for your wife, not me.

Writing a story in the second person alienates all your readers but one. It takes a much better writer than you to carry it off.

I guess you didn't bother to read the category description and that gets you a 1* for wrong category.

It belongs elsewhere.

Every time some dip-shit, so called writer posts a story in 2nd person they get hammered, yet time after time, writer after writer continues to do it.

It's so simple. If you want to write instruction manuals write them in 2nd person. If you want to write stories you write them in either 1rst or 3rd person. It's not rocket science.

An actual loving wife, the unicorn of LW-Lit. Even the use of some 2nd person was okay as written. It was very clear he was addressing his wife and not the reader. This was a very enjoyable story. Thank you.

See you can have a sexy story without someone cheating. keep it up.

Not bad if you didn't have lines like " my manhood is still inside the lips of your intimacy. " That just makes me cringe.