All Comments on 'The Silver Arrows Ch. 02'

I will try to wait... Very hard... Retired 70 yr old ... good srory so far gave u a 5 ...

Really good story great start and characters so far cant wait for more

Hey again! Great stuff here again, nothing jumped out at me this time in error country. So nice one! I like Deandra. It would have been nice to see more aspects of her personality though. For example, when she finishes off the beast you could have shown her to be an incredibly capable warrior rather than just saying she stabbed it and moving on. I also think that the sex kinda comes out of nowhere which is fine since they're both just emerging from a tense situation and stuff like that happens but I didn't really feel like that was the case. It was more of a 'Yeeey! The beast is dead! Now let's fuck for some reason.' Just taking a moment to explore your characters motivations pays a hell of a lot on the reading end. Two hot characters having sex? Awesome. Two characters who have aspects of their personality that lead them to connect in a sexual encounter? Awesome and more believable.

Again though, these are very minor points and not things that you did wrong but that you could have elaborated on or done better. I personally would have spent more time on the hunt and shown the pair flirting and maybe even had the bathing scene before the fight but only used it for teasing purposes before finally building up to the crescendo in Deandra's room after the battle was over. That's just a suggestion though, sometimes a little tease goes a long way but you should proportion your teasing to the eventual result. Don't want you to think "Hey! Teasing! That's a great idea." Then have 90% of your story be titillation and 10% be actual sex cuz that would probably drive your readers nuts.

Anyhoo, those were my ramblings on this instalment. I hope you find them helpful and I'll catch you on the next one!

While I totally agree with the previous comment. I believe that plot driven stories usually do better than just sex with a little plot for fill. Thats not a criticism of your work just a general observation. I really like what I've read so far and am looking foreward to seeing more. I can already see fewer mistakes than in the first chapter and always like to remind people that this is a free service, editing and proof reading will make more sense when someone is paying you for your passion. It can happen, we've seen it more than once on this website.

loved it! looking forward to ch.3

Thanks

a very good story. Please continue.

Perhaps the two fall in love

She is directly related to the Baron

The son or ruffians from him try to seek vengeance on one of them or both

Teran does not forget his family

just some ideas off the top of me head which could be used to chase the story line

Very good tale BTW

Can't wait for next