The Sins of the Fathers Ch. 23

Jennifer examined her daughter thoughtfully. "Jack saved me, Nikki. " She paused, then continued, "But, no, he didn't stop my father."

"Why?"

Jennifer was uncomfortable, but she continued, "I think that Jack has always had a problem with his moral compass. He can find his way, but it takes him too long to think about it and look at it, before he recognizes something is just right or wrong. I told him in a fight once, 'the truth is always simple and obvious and does not require any proof'. I don't know if he ever got that."

"In fairness, he was younger back then; and, I don't know if he could figure out how to handle my dad. My dad was an important, powerful man with secret needs no one knew about. Jack did the best he could. That's all that matters. He did something. That something saved me. Well, it saved most of me ... "

Dr. Sam spoke up, "And, Jennifer fixed the rest herself."

"Are you mad at dad because he didn't stop Grampa?"

"No."

"Are you mad at him because he didn't turn his face away, when your dad did that to you?"

"No. I was embarrassed that he saw me like that, but not mad. And I'm not mad now. I just didn't understand how he could watch my dad do unspeakable things to me and still want to marry me. Then, I finally understood. Your dad wanted me. Even after that, he still wanted me. I think he still does."

Tearfully, she turned her eyes tearfully to Dr. Sam. But, he wanted me the same way my father wanted me.

Samantha thoughtfully appraised Nicole.

"Was what Grampa did 'unspeakable', because it was against your will? I mean. because he made you do things you didn't want to?"

Jennifer glanced at Sam who just nodded, almost imperceptibly. Jennifer took Nikki's hands in hers and leaned forward to see her daughter's eyes. She shook her head, No.

"It was 'unspeakable', because he--Grampa--taught me to want him to do those things. Do you understand? I was embarrassed, but also excited when Jack watched us. It wasn't against my will. That made it even worse. I wanted it. But, my dad had never done anything like that with someone else there. It was like what we did was a secret. It was 'special' he told me."

She locked her eyes on Samantha Green. "I wasn't embarrassed, because my dad came in me. I was embarrassed because, when he did--when I felt him shoot inside me--I came too. I hated him for showing Jack that about me. He showed Jack I was a slut. He showed him I'd do anything someone told me to."

Dr. Sam joined in, "Do you understand, Nicole?"

Nikki shook her head, hesitantly, Yes. Then she added, "Maybe. I do understand being embarrassed for someone to see you naked and someone seeing you having sex."

Dr. Sam corrected her gently, "No, Nicole. This is important. It's not about being seen naked or someone seeing you having sex. There is nothing wrong with either of those. They may even be a healthy fantasy or part of a healthy sex-life. It's not even about a dad who has sex with his daughter. It's about controlling a daughter, just to make her want sex. And it's about creating an environment, where he can do anything to her he wants. It's about teaching a girl that all she's good for is 'fucking'. It's about teaching a girl to want sex so much, she'll do it with her father in front of her fiance. It's about control. The wrong kind of control. You may not understand that, yet. Just trust me for a few minutes, okay? It will get clearer."

Nikki nodded her head, Yes. Then she asked, "If you aren't mad at my dad for his part in what happened to you, then does it have anything to do with Uncle Spencer?"

Jennifer turned to Samantha again.

Dr. Sam said simply, "She asked. She needs to know. You've already talked this over with Jack; tell her about Spencer's place in all of this."

Jennifer got up and got another bottle of water. When she sat back down, she continued, "Just after Kayla, Spencer's wife, had MacKenzie, she passed away. It was a hard time for Spencer. He spent a lot of time at our house; we spent a lot of time at his house. One night, we were hot tubbing--the three of us."

She took a sip, slowly screwing the cap back on to gain a little time to put it in words. Samantha listened as Jennifer told the whole story of that night. To her credit, Jennifer left nothing out.

Dr. Sam sat by, merely observing as Nicole took it all in. Then Nikki asked, "My dad loaned or gave you to Uncle Spencer for sex! They both had sex with you? At the same time?"

Jennifer glanced at Samantha Green. "Yes."

"And he watched you having sex?"

"Yes."

"Did you cum with Uncle Spencer?"

"Yes." Oh, yeah!

"And dad saw you cum? I mean, he knew you were cumming while he watched?" She hesitated and added, "That's almost like Grampa."

Jennifer interrupted, "I thought that too, and it is sort of the same. That's what I'm mad at your dad for; but, and you have to hear this Nikki, it's not all your dad's fault. I'm certainly not entirely innocent. Maybe no one is. I wanted to be with Spencer; I was curious about what he'd be like in bed."

Jennifer stared away for a moment, then back. "He was a friend of Jack's and mine. He was black; and, I knew, from talking to Kayla, that he had a big cock. It was a fantasy. He was like candy." Chocolate candy!

Jennifer stood and paced. As Dr. Sam followed her with her eyes, Jenn knelt down in front of Nicole and took her hands. "But, no one can give another person to someone else. No one can own you in the sense of 'she's mine and I will do what I want with her', and no one can 'win' a girl, a daughter, or a young woman in a card game." Jenn shook her head, sadly. "Jack's such a guy about all of this. I love him, but he had a big part in this. He meant well, he meant to help; but, he's such a guy, in terms of his fantasy life that he got some of it wrong. I don't know if I'll ever forgive some of what he did. It doesn't mean I don't still love him. It's just that I've finally managed to forgive myself for some of what happened. I haven't finished the process of understanding my life; but, I'm not reopening the chapter on Jack right now. I'm happy." With that, she locked eyes with Sam. "I'm going to enjoy that. Happy seems like enough to me, right now."

"This is all me, Nikki. Some of it's not nice; but, it's me or, at least, a part of me. I'm not perfect. Maybe, I'm still damaged goods. I'm just a woman. Not much more." For the first time, since their talk had started, Jenn finally smiled. "I'm also your mother, and, I love you. You're the best thing of all this mess. I'd like to be a part of your life, and I hope you'll want to be part of mine ... of ours."

Nikki responded, squeezing her mom's hands. "I'd like that, too."

Dr. Sam broke the silence. "So, your dad said that all of this info might help you, because you were going through some changes. What do you think he meant?"

Nikki pulled her feet up under her. She looked down for a minute, then started, "I've been asking him a lot of questions about guy stuff. And, MacKenzie and I kind of had a date that turned into a disaster with Spencer and my dad. And, we used fake ID's to get into The Inferno and go dancing. "

Dr. Sam stopped her. "Whoa! Okay, this is a list of concerns. Let's start with the easy one, 'You're asking your dad about guy stuff?"

"Yeah, he told me about young men; and, he showed me how to not get so excited that I forget to keep my eye on them. How they have wandering hands and how sneaky they can be when they want sex. He gave me some rules about how far I could go without having real sex. It was a good talk."

Next, Jennifer asked a question, "The date with MacKenzie?"

Nikki laid out the details, including Tammy's advice to tell the truth. Dr. Sam laughed heartily about the misunderstanding about the 'boy'. And Jennifer laughed out loud at the picture of Uncle Spencer naked, screaming out the window at the imaginary 'boy' who had just escaped naked.

"So, you've seen Uncle Spencer naked?"

"Oh, yeah!" I have, indeed, seen Uncle Spencer naked.

"Was he ...?"

"Yep, he definitely was. And you're right, Mom, he's really big." Really, really big!

Dr. Sam asked the next question; it seemed innocent enough. "Tell me about the toy."

"Daddy bought it for me," were the next words out of Nikki's mouth.

Jennifer came totally unglued. "Your father bought you a dildo?! He picked it out just for you? I'll fucking kill him!" Son-of-a-bitch, Jack!

Nikki retreated hastily, trying to defend her dad. "No, I asked him to. He refused until I said, 'Fine! I'll just go the porno store and get my own, because I'm eighteen and you can't stop me'."

"So, he took me and bought it." Nicole finished.

In a heartbeat, Jennifer was on her feet again. "He took you to a porn store?" She had her phone in her hand before anyone could stop her.

"What the fuck, Jack? You took her to a porn store? You picked out a dildo for your own daughter? Does any of this seem like déjà fucking vu?"

Listening to Jennifer, Jack's life flashed before him; he knew that voice. "Jennifer, you have to believe me or, at least, give me the benefit of a doubt; I was trying to be a good dad! Yeah, okay ... maybe not a great dad, but I didn't want her to go to a place like that by herself."

He was interrupted as Dr. Sam took the phone from Jennifer. "Jack, I'll call you back. We're hitting a few rough spots in the mommy-daughter conversation. I'll call you right back, I promise."

"Okay, Sam."

She turned to both mother and daughter. "Okay, the doctor is officially in. Everyone to your corner. I'm calling a timeout. Both of you get some water. And, no talking till I say so."

After about three minutes, everyone had sort of calmed down; at least, everyone was sitting instead of pacing. The phone lay on the table between Nikki and Jennifer.

"I'm including Jack in this little session, okay?" Sam inquired.

Both Nikki and Jennifer nodded a slow, Yes.

She hit speed dial, set it on speakerphone, and laid it back on the table. "Jack, I have you on speakerphone, okay?"

"Yeah! Thanks, Sam."

"We have questions. It's about the dildo."

"Okay, shoot." Unfortunate word choice, Jack thought as the picture of a firing squad formed in his imagination.

Jennifer cut loose again, "You took her to a fucking porn store!"

Dr. Sam intervened, "I didn't say 'talk' yet to either of you two. I'll ask the questions, because I'm less involved, less impassioned, and because I'm the fucking doctor here."

"Jack, did you take Nicole to a porn store?

"Sort of, she stayed in the car."

"She never went inside?"

"No."

"And, you bought a toy for her?"

"Yes."

"You picked it out?"

"No. I brought it out to the car, and she picked the one she wanted."

"You bought it?"

"Yes, she had no money."

"What kind of toy? Describe it."

Dr. Sam did not miss the blush on Nicole's face.

Jennifer eyed Nikki.

There was a distinct pause, then Jack cleared his throat, "Sam, I'm gonna plead attorney-client on that one. Nikki's there, you can ask her."

"Okay. Hang on, Jack. Jennifer, do you have any questions?"

"Are you telling us the truth, Jack?"

"Yes." It is the truth, nothing but the truth; but, maybe not the whole truth!

"Nicole, is that what happened?"

"Yes, Daddy was incredibly embarrassed; but, he did it for me. I sat in the car in the parking lot, dressed like a boy, so no one would see me. Don't be mad at him, I had questions that a banana couldn't answer."

Jack smiled, safe in the awareness that they couldn't see his smile.

Sam's disconnect was short, but sweet. "Thanks, Jack, I think we get it. Love you, bye."

On Jack's end, the silence was all dial tone. Jesus, that was close.

Dr. Samantha Green turned to Jennifer. "I think it's safe to say Jack's 'trying' to be a good dad. Would it have been any different if she was living with us and asked you for a toy? Would you take her, let her go by herself, or send me with her?"

Jenn's legal training kicked in. And the pause seemed interminable, as she took her time trying to think her way through the question like a good attorney.

Jennifer's eyes were fire; and, Sam stamped her foot to get her attention. Samantha Green waived her hands wildly. "Hint: there's no right answer. It's the famous no-win scenario. Every answer is just as wrong as it is right."

Nikki sat up and watched her mom. Everything's okay, maybe. Nikki pictured herself drifting slowly away from the sinking Titanic. I'm safe. So many perished. In her thoughts, she was in the bow of the life raft, her forearm was over her eyes. So dramatic a moment in life. I must never forget this.

Then, Dr. Sam torpedoed her life raft. "So, Nicole, tell us about the toy."

Nikki literally sank into the couch. Jennifer thought for a second that Nikki actually appeared younger and smaller.

Nikki shivered slightly and took a deep breath. "It was very realistic. Soft to touch, but ... hard like an erection. Anatomically correct, you know, it had ... " she cleared her throat and held out her hands, gesturing. "Balls, big balls and veins ... and the loose skin on the end. It was kinda big."

"How big?"

Nikki spread her hands to just about the right size. Her mom's jaw dropped. Dr. Sam arched an eyebrow, but she didn't say anything. Nicole was holding back something, she could feel it.

She asked. "Anything else, we should know about it?"

Nikki tried to become invisible, like in the chair. She almost whispered, "It's black ... well, actually sorta dark chocolate, like molasses."

Dr. Sam cleared her throat, breaking the silence and tension that had fallen over the room. "Jack bought you a large, black, lifelike dildo. You chose it and he paid for it."

"Yes."

Jennifer laughed out loud. "Nikki, you're absolutely priceless. I bet he WAS embarrassed. Think about what I just told you about us and Uncle Spencer. Think about what Jack must believe you're interested in!"

Dr. Sam pointed at Jennifer, who fell silent. "Nicole, why did you chose that one?"

"Oh God, this is even more embarrassing." Nikki was now hugging the end pillow from the settee. "I chose it, because it was the same color as MacKenzie. If she wears it, it looks like it's really her. If I use it, she's with a black man not a white man. 'Cause she has kind of a thing about black and white."

"And you, what about it for you? Not for MacKenzie, but for you?"

Again a whisper. "I liked it, 'cause it is big and realistic. I don't care what color it is."

Sam leaned back. "And, the night at Spencer's house in MacKenzie's room, you guys were using it?"

"No, Mac was just kissing me. We were fooling around kissing each other."

"Have you used it?"

"Not really, I mean we only used it to pretended I was a boy on our date."

Sam arched the eyebrow in a question. Nikki saw it. "I put it in my jeans so it would seem like I was a boy when we went to the movies."

Dr. Sam's eyes drifted over to Jennifer. Jennifer asked, "MacKenzie had an orgasm from just a kiss? Your kiss?"

Nikki nodded her head, Yes.

Sam spoke, "Okay, in my professional and not so professional judgment, we've all had more than enough information. Shall we stop this conversation, so everyone has time to think about what you've heard and said? Can we have the rest of the day be normal?"

Two heads nodded in the affirmative.

"Do your dogs play catch?" Nikki asked quietly.

Jennifer answered, "Yes. And, if you take some tennis balls and walk up the bank about a quarter mile, there's a little beach. Just throw the ball in the water out into the river, they'll swim after it and bring it back ... forever, if you need that long. They'll swim after the ball, until you have to make them stop, because they are so tired."

"Where are the balls?"

"I'll show you."

An hour later, Jennifer lay with her head in Sam's lap. Dr. Sam lifted her head to see her eyes. "She's a beautiful young woman. Like her mom. She's doing fine. This stuff's all 'first summer as a young woman' stuff. She's trying to learn all the secrets of the universe in a single--never to be repeated--summer. Nothing more, as far as I can tell."

"I know." Jenn's eyes focused far away.

Sam turned her head gently back. "And, of course, there's Jack. He really is 'such a guy'; but, he's also really trying to be a good dad. He can't fix what happened with you. He's done a good job as a single dad, during what are some of the hardest years a young woman and her dad can have."

"Jennifer, he's not your dad. She's not you. Remember, he saved you." Samantha kissed Jenn softly on her lips. A lingering, gentle, 'till later' kiss. "What he did wasn't perfect, but it was definitely a save."

"I know."

"Jennifer ... " Sam looked into her eyes, really looked. She let Jennifer look back, then bent and kissed her. "I love you."

Jenn shivered. "I know." But this time, she smiled after she said it.

They heard the front door open and the skitter of doggy-nails on the stairs. Then the smell of wet Golden Retriever. Nikki was right behind them.

She went to the fridge and grabbed a water. Taking a place in the heavy chair across from them, she studied Samantha Green and Jennifer Grant. Dr. Green studied her right back. She had her hand in Jennifer's hair and her feet up under her. Jennifer had her eyes closed, lying with her head in Sam's lap.

"You guys are beautiful together," Nikki said with total sincerity.

Samantha's eyes lit up and Jennifer just smiled. It was a happy smile. "We know."

Dr. Sam fixed the dinner. It was simple, but exquisite. Mesquite-smoked salmon steaks with a hint of lemon, plus a salad with fresh vegetables and some kind of homemade Italian dressing with pecans and grated cheeses on top. Earlier that morning, she had made a loaf of sourdough bread. And, they had wine. A red, even though it was a fish dish, because Sam explained, "Red is okay with salmon."

After supper, Nikki made them all a coffee and they sat around the fire. No one talked much.

Finally, Samantha stood and reached down for Jennifer. "Nicole, we're going to use the hot tub. You're welcome to join us. You don't have to, but you're more than welcome.'

"Okay."

"We don't wear bathing suits."

"Okay."

There's a robe in the bathroom at the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks."

They waited for Nikki at the tub; she walked out in the white-cotton terrycloth robe. They stood for a second before Dr Sam laughed and simply said, "Well, someone has to go first. I guess that's me."

She slipped the robe off and laid it on the bench. Then she walked slowly past Nikki and eased into the tub. Then, Jennifer slid out of her robe. She stood for a second, facing Nikki and, then, climbed down into the tub with Samantha.

As Samantha and Jennifer waited, Nicole opened the robe and let it simply slide off her shoulders, down her back to her feet. Somehow it managed to fall slowly to her feet. Nice move, thought Sam.

She walked to the tub and sat down on the edge. She eased into the water. "I love hot tubs, because everyone can see everything."

Jennifer had to laugh. "Oh you do, huh?"

"I can see you both have hair down there." When Nikki said it, her nose wrinkled cutely.

Sam merely said, "I guess we don't need the bubbles then."

She placed her hand gently between Jennifer's legs, but not on her sex.

Nikki eyes were glued on Dr. Samantha Green's hand. You wouldn't! Not with me here!

Samantha Green liked being watched. She leaned in and kissed Jennifer's neck. She nibbled. She could see Jennifer's nipples go firm and felt Jenn stretch her legs, squeezing the hand trapped between her legs.

Jennifer leaned her head back, and Samantha Green kissed her. There was tongue.