All Comments on 'The Slave Bride Ch. 02'

I really enjoyed this chapter of your story. I missed the first chapter. Will be sure to read that. Hope to see more of your story soon.

This is a review of the first two chapters (as I read them both at the same time). I'd also like to preface that the character building is solid, the story is well edited, and everything flows well. I consistently understand who is doing what, where and when, and that's a testament to your good writing, especially for dialogue. I also quite like Giselle as a character, which is always a nice start :)

But (and I fear this is going to come off a lot blunter than I'd intended) ...

I really hate the brothers. Something I've found not uncommon in the Non-Con genre is this idea of the switching brothers. I don't mind it in theory, but it always seems to work out in the same way, one is an abusive sadist who borders on the sociopathic, whilst the other is 'nice' but can't understand why their captive would ever not like someone who screams at and brutalizes them. For some reason, despite knowing she knew nothing of the arrangement prior, Benjamin thinks that she'll be ... what, happy with the arrangement? I mean, they tell her that not only is she not going to be a bride in the first chapter, but an enslaved housemaid and cook who they'll also fuck whenever they feel like it.

Honestly, I sometimes wonder why the female protagonists in most of these stories don't just immediately burn the house down with themselves inside. The biggest issue with the setup, is that Giselle has nothing to look forward to, no reason to hang in there. To her knowledge as she's been told, she's going to be abused and worked to an early death, friendless, alone, and in constant pain. And if she gets through it then what? Replaced as sex toy but still a slave maid for the house?

In my mind this is what the two brothers need to answer to make her submission believable, and sadly I think you went into it slightly too heavy to make an impression on the reader. What does Giselle have to live for? And, how will the brothers make her life bearable enough that she's willing to go along with them (other than having magic orgasm inducing cocks). I feel that even in Non-Con stories of this type, the relationship works best when both sides grow/benefit from the arrangement (at least if you're attempting a romance between them), so I wonder what does Giselle get out of this?

Anyways, I think this has been a good start, and I don't want to dissuade you. I truly do intend this as constructive feedback. Generally I think you've got a good framework in place, but if future rewrites were to ever occur I'd recommend toning down both the introductory dinner (and probably writing out their description of her fate), and toning down Benjamin's confrontation in this chapter so it seems more nuanced than him being a sociopath.

4/5 stars

This is a very interesting story, I can't wait for those two idiots to find out exactly what her father did to her and get hypocritically outraged :D

Found this and then went and read your other story and I.truly appreciate the differences. As you, yourself said your previous story was therapeutic and I feel like this could be an outlet for the darker side of bdsm/noncon.

Please keep writing, loving this story!

Thank you all so much for the feedback. I love getting to see what you think of the story, and will take your thoughts into consideration as I continue writing. Hopefully the story will continue to evolve and the characters will be more fleshed out as the events unfold. I liked the idea of toning down the dinner scene, and may do a re-write (no promises!). This story is also therapeutic and so the concept of the two brothers is something I have to stick with (overdone as it may be) but I will try to give it it's own twist.

Thank you again!

I know it’s non con and I know that there are aspects of historical incest, both are triggers of mine but I wanted to read this story. I’ve read some of your other words and enjoyed it, so I’m trying to do that whole “face your fears” thing.

I was pretty surprised to discover that they come across as Doms and not abusive bastards. I’m not entirely sure why they decided it was ok to buy another human being but perhaps that will be made clear at some point.

I’ve read or tried to read slave stories before and jumped to the wrong conclusions so in the spirit of facing fears I’m going to hold back my usual reaction. I should probably point out that I’m all in favour of BDSM and consensual sexual slavery.

I hope they take revenge on her father when they find out what he did.

Tess (UK)

Two chapters in and I still haven't found something to point at and say "this story is bullshit and badly written", which is more than I can say for the vast majority of the "slave" stories here. I still have a lot of questions, but also see the potential for them to be answered satisfactorily. Looking forward to future chapters.