The Strangeness Within Pt. 01

* * *

Javier lay awake in his bed, trying to sort through everything. Something profound had changed with him and Esther, but what did it really mean? He knew he'd screwed things up badly with Clara. Though maybe it was just as well.

He kept thinking about that last look at Esther wrapped only in a towel. She had dried blood everywhere on her legs, her arms, smeared on her face. She had this oddly dense leg hair. Like she never shaved, not that he minded that. But it was so much lighter colored than the hair on her head. She was slimmer than he'd realized, but he hadn't mistaken the little rounding of her breasts under the top of the towel. She was a woman, of course, and he thought he understood women. He certainly knew why Clara was pissed off at him. If she knew what he'd run off to do, she'd be ten times as pissed off.

But Esther. She'd lost what seemed like quarts of blood, all over everything, and then she'd stood there in her towel and sent him off as though it'd been a paper cut. He really didn't understand her at all, and he wanted to. But for all he'd done, she still didn't seem to entirely trust him.

During breakfast Mamá gave him a few looks, the kind that said she was waiting for him to tell her something. But he didn't know where to start, so it was his mother who finally gave a grand sigh.

"Javier, you know I trust you," she said. "But mothers worry, and I want to know that you're safe and you're being respectful. Were you out with Clara all night?"

Javier colored, not able to meet Mamá's look. But she'd always been fair, despite her sixth sense about the sort of things he got up to.

"It wasn't Clara," he said reluctantly. "I mean, I did invite her over, and I'm sorry to sneak around like that, but nothing happened. Nothing much."

"All right," Mamá said, waiting for him to finish.

"It was Esther," he said. "She needed my help, so I had to go. I took care of her overnight, nothing more. She's OK now."

"Mmm," Mamá said, eyebrows rising. "Well, mijo, you know I'm here for you. For Esther too, if she needs it. You let her know I'll help if there's anything I can do."

"I don't know when we'll even talk again," he said. "It's confusing."

"Uh-huh," agreed Mamá. "Love always is."

Javier blinked surprise at Mamá, but she only smiled and piled some more pancakes on his plate. Well, he did have a game today. And he so loved Mamá's pancakes.

..........................*** Chapter 3 ***...........................

"But you could go anywhere," Javier insisted. "You're so smart. You should at least apply."

Javier found it strangely easy to talk to Esther again, now that she wasn't working to avoid him at school. He wished she'd talk more about herself, but he'd take what he could.

Esther nibbled at her bag lunch nervously. She didn't know why thinking about her future bothered her so much.

"It's just -- well, Grace College is what we'd always planned. Mother mostly, I guess. The admissions officer was one of the home-school parents, and they thought it would be a great fit. They've offered me pretty much a full scholarship already."

She didn't mention the way Father had pushed for her to attend this last year in public school, when she could have just taken an exam for the certificate. He had always given way to Mother on these things, and now she had the horrible suspicion he would in turn give way to her if she pushed. School was one of the last things he'd been truly decisive about.

"So," came a voice from behind them. "Is that how it is, Javier."

Javier turned around with a sinking feeling. He'd hoped Clara wouldn't make things ugly. He'd been as kind and direct as he could be, if not quite telling the full truth. But she'd been so angry. No doubt he deserved it.

"We're just talking," he said, hating how defensive he sounded.

"Whatever," Clara said, biting her lip. "If you want to spend time with that weird-eyed wacko, you're obviously free to do so. Just don't come running back."

Javier took a breath, trying to think of anything that wouldn't be equally petty. But Clara was turning away already.

"That was unkind to Esther," he eventually called.

Esther was watching him. As usual, he couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. And as usual, she surprised him.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Esther said.

"Clara?" Javier asked. He felt utterly off-balance. "Uh, well, so I thought. What she just said was pretty ugly, though."

"Why did you break up?" Esther said.

Javier couldn't come out and tell her how it had happened. Ester would feel so guilty, and it really wasn't her fault.

"I guess I realized she and I weren't as close as I wanted. That it wasn't going to go anywhere." He needed to change the subject. "Anyway, I mean it about applications. You're brilliant. Surely you could win scholarships to other places. Like, that big math exam next week. There's oodles of scholarship money attached to it, and I bet you'd ace it."

A high-tech company sponsored the exam, and Javier planned to take it, though he didn't have much hope. He'd heard it was incredibly difficult. But there were smaller prizes as well, and every dollar counted, as Mamá said, even for the state university he hoped to get into.

Esther thought about that. Mother had always insisted she should never show off. But Father was so proud of her strange skills, and telling him about school was one of the few things that got a smile from him these days. Maybe she should take this exam. She'd always loved mathematics, and it had always come so easily for her. And perhaps she should keep an open mind about college, the way Javier said. It felt like a little betrayal of Mother to think that way, but Mother was truly gone.

"All right," she found herself saying.

He had such a beautiful smile. She wouldn't mind seeing more of it.

* * *

It wasn't the best morning. He'd woken with a pounding headache like he got sometimes, and now Javier felt as if everyone was staring at him. Some girls whispered when he walked by, and when he smiled at Samantha before History class, the cute redhead just shook her head and turned the other way. Something was up, but no one would tell him what it was.

It wasn't until practice that he found out.

"Seriously, Javier?" Tony said as he passed. Javier wanted to ask, but he was starting to dread what the answer might be. Finally Billy walked by.

"Billy," he said. "Just tell me what it is. What the hell is everyone saying about me?"

Billy shook his head. "Did you really cheat on Clara with what's-her-name? Esther?"

Javier slumped on the bench, groaning. Clara had hit the mark a little more closely than she realized. But it still wasn't true the way she meant it. "No, that's Clara being spiteful. Esther and I are just friends."

"Yeah, well, I believe you, but you know how these things are. Anyway, you know it'll blow over."

"Sure," said Javier. "Just like this headache. Can't wait for corner-kick drills!"

Billy laughed in sympathy as they headed out.

* * *

His headache and his mood were no better after practice, though. Mamá was in one of her own cranky moods, owing to an expensive new problem with the roof. He needed to get out of the house. What he really wanted was some company, though. It was depressing to be reminded that the people he thought of as friends were really just people he hung around with.

Feeling a little foolish, he dug his tattered green frog out of the closet, placing it prominently in the window.

"I'm going out back, Mamá," he called. "Some fresh air for my headache. I'll be back for dinner."

He immediately felt better when he entered the cool, dim woods. He used to love it so much. Why had he stopped going?

He knew perfectly well, though. He'd been so upset about Esther, and then he'd gotten used to avoiding their old places, until he'd nearly forgotten about them all. But of course he hadn't really forgotten.

He found their favorite log and sat down, pondering their strange friendship. They talked at lunch every day now, mostly about schoolwork and Javier's worries about college applications. And then came yesterday and that odd exchange about Clara.

They'd never talked about what had happened during the night two weeks ago, and Javier tried not to speculate too much. He'd somehow assumed they would naturally get closer again as they spent more time together, and he supposed it was true. But he longed for whatever the adult version was of their time in the woods all those years ago. That easy closeness.

He sighed. He hadn't really expected her to notice his signal, or to respond to it if she did. But it was still a nice place to wallow in might-have-beens. A lot of good memories here.

"Hello, Javier."

He jumped. She was so quiet, exactly like the old days, and of course she was wearing another of her simple dresses. She always wore them at school except for gym class. For all he knew, she didn't own much else.

"Hi, Esther," he said nervously. But she smiled a little, sitting down on the other end of the log.

"Thank you so much for coming," he said. "To tell the truth, I was really just lonely. I had a terrible day. And, well, I miss you."

Now that he'd said it out loud, Javier felt kind of pathetic. But she looked right at him with those beautiful, mismatched eyes.

"Me, too," she said. But then she got nervous again, her eyes flicking away.

"Are you really OK?" he asked awkwardly. "I mean, we never talked about that night. I didn't expect to see you at school again on Monday."

Esther swallowed uncomfortably.

"I heal fast," she said. "It was all right in the end. But I'm still so grateful you came."

They sat in silence for a while.

"Want to play stick-zu?" he asked.

A smile lit her face, and he set to breaking up some sticks while she scratched out the little board in the dirt.

She won, as she always did, but he didn't mind. They laughed a little, and for a golden while it was as though no time had passed at all.

The sun hadn't quite set, but it was getting darker in the woods. He'd have to get back for dinner soon. But he didn't want to leave.

"I'm sorry," Esther said suddenly. "I'm so sorry, for all those years I kept away from you. I miss this so much."

"It's OK," Javier said, though of course it wasn't really. "It was your parents. It was wrong for me to push you to bend the rules."

"That's not right, though," said Esther. "Not entirely. Father was never so strict as that, and even Mother was getting a little looser. The last couple years I could have pushed and found a way to spend time with you properly. In the library or something. Supervised at my house."

"We were kids, though," he said. "Growing up fast. Who was to say if we'd get along after some years, anyway?"

But he didn't really believe that, and obviously Esther didn't either. Her hands were starting to shake a little.

"I was scared," she blurted. "I'm so strange, Javier, and every year I'm changing into something stranger. I didn't want you to find out, or be worried, or ... I don't know."

Javier sucked in his breath. Of course. It all fit. She thought she was a freak or something. It didn't matter if it was ridiculous. He knew girls could work themselves into the strangest places about their bodies, and Esther hadn't really had anyone to talk to at all, to tell her everything was fine. He doubted her mother had been much help about that.

"But you're not strange, Esther. Not the way you think, no matter what those idiots at school say. I like your eyes. I like the way you're weird and brilliant. Maybe you're not a totally ordinary girl, but who cares? You're still not a freak."

Esther was shaking a lot harder now, and she quickly wiped one eye. Javier reached for her hand, but she jerked it away.

"I am, though, Javier," she said softly. "You know how I said I heal quickly? It's more than that. I've never been sick, not even with a cold. But then why am I so weak? I can't run, or even walk a long time without a break. I get overheated so easily. You know how strange my brain is, but you don't know how strange my body is, the parts you can't see. My mother told me never to go to doctors, and the older I got the more I understood."

"Are you sure, Esther? I mean, I read about this girl who could only see an incredibly fat person in the mirror, even though she was dying of starvation. All those things you mentioned are a little unusual, but --"

"Javier," Esther said icily. He shut his mouth at once.

"I'm not anorexic, or anything like that," she continued slowly. "I know exactly what I look like, and it's not like an ordinary woman. Not where it counts."

She started to do something with the top of her dress, and Javier realized too late what it was. Suddenly he was staring at a perfect little ivory-colored breast, crowned with a tiny areola and a very strange-looking nipple. There was something odd as well about the skin towards the center of her chest, but he'd already looked too long.

He quickly looked up to see Esther starting to cry.

"Yes, they're purple," she said. "And before you tell me that's not so weird, there is much more that I could show you."

He took a deep breath, and shook his head.

"No," he said. "I believe you. Please, don't do that."

She quickly rearranged her bra and dress, but she didn't stop crying.

"Do you understand now?" she choked out. "I'm sorry you had to see that much."

"But you're beautiful," he said without thinking. "So beautiful. I'm positive the rest of you is beautiful as well, however unusual. It's just you were so nervous. I didn't want you to get undressed just to prove a point."

Esther started to cry harder, so he did the only thing he could think of, scooting over to give her a hug. She put her arms around him with a kind of desperate strength, and he gently stroked her back as she cried.

Finally she stopped crying, but she didn't let go right away. She shivered for a while, every time he stroked her, but she didn't seem to mind. Suddenly she coughed uncomfortably and pulled away.

They sat there for a minute, not quite looking at each other.

"I should probably tell you," she said nervously. "There's something weird with the skin on my lower back. There are these really sensitive patches. The way you were stroking me was, uh. Arousing."

Javier's mouth hung open. And then a crazy little giggle escaped. A moment later they were both laughing.

"Well," he eventually said. "That's good to know, I guess."

He felt a warm hand take his. He was starting to have trouble seeing in the dark, meaning it was past time to get home.

"I don't know what I am, Javier," she said. "It's terrifying. I can't believe you're taking it in stride."

"You're Esther," he said slowly, realizing the truth of it. "A shining star. You're whatever you are, and that's fine."

When he got back inside, of course Mamá knew somehow. Probably it was the stupid look on his face.

"So," she said tiredly. "Are things all right with Esther?"

"It's fine," he said. "Better than fine." And Mamá smiled a little, despite everything.

..........................*** Chapter 4 ***...........................

Esther took a chair next to Javier, outside the classroom where they'd taken the big exam.

"It's all right," she said. "I was confused too, on that second-to-last problem. It seemed like something was wrong with the proposition they wanted us to prove. Anyway, like you said, there are a lot more places to look for scholarships. I'm so glad you pushed me to start."

Javier shook his head. He'd barely understood any of that test, and she was confused about one problem? She had no idea how brilliant she was. "I'm only worried that you'll scoop up all the money and leave none for the rest of us," he said.

Esther looked horrified.

"I was joking," said Javier hurriedly. "Anyway, at least the exam's over. And I'm really more worried about meeting your Dad. Are you sure he's not going to just throw me out of the house or something?"

Esther smiled. "No, Father would never be so rude. When I told him about you, he wasn't really upset. More resigned, I think. But you should probably be as polite as you can."

"That was my plan," said Javier. "Would you like a ride home?"

"Best if I walked like usual," said Esther.

Mamá had one of her later shifts, so he only caught her on his way out.

"Don't you look fine, mijo," she smiled. "I know Mr. Thompson will like you right away. And do extend an invitation to both of them for dinner over here. Past time for us to finally get together as neighbors."

His palms sweating, Javier walked the short distance and rang the doorbell of the neat little house.

Esther's father was a tall, severe-looking man Javier had only seen from a distance. Lately he'd gained some weight, but it didn't exactly make him look friendlier.

"Javier," he said. "Good to meet you finally. Won't you come in?"

He'd only seen Esther's bedroom, of course, but the rest of the house looked about as he imagined. Spare, severe furniture. Not much decoration. But welcoming, in its own way. Kind of like Mr. Thompson, who seemed to be doing his best.

Esther was moving around in the kitchen, and he glanced over at her.

"Now, I'm only going to tell you this once," said Mr. Thompson in a low voice. He didn't look friendly anymore. "Esther is my little jewel, the one I'd do anything for. She's of an age now that I can't and I won't prevent her from making her own decisions. But you had best be honorable about your courtship, and always treat her like the most precious person there is."

Javier swallowed and nodded. "Mamá raised me to treat women respectfully," he said nervously. "I would never do a thing to hurt her."

Mr. Thompson stared at him a little longer, and then gave a small nod. Javier felt he'd passed, at least provisionally.

He thought maybe he'd overdressed, but Mr. Thompson was still wearing his suit from work, and of course Esther had one of her nicest dresses on. She really was pretty, Javier thought, smiling at her as the three of them helped bring dishes to the table. It was strange to let himself think of her like that.

After bowing his head nervously while Mr. Thompson said grace, the dinner went surprisingly easily. Esther's father had all sorts of questions about Javier's younger life, about school and soccer and his plans for the future, but it was the kind of thing he'd been prepared for, and Mr. Thompson was friendlier about all of it than he'd expected. He didn't even seem surprised when Javier admitted he didn't go to church much. But of course, Esther and her dad didn't go at all.

At the end of the evening, Javier shook hands with the older man, and even got a hint of a smile. Esther was beaming, though it was oddly awkward when he shook hands with her as well.

When Javier was gone, Father took Esther in his arms, the kind of big hug he hadn't given her in a long time.

"I know I've been a poor father lately," he said. "All wrapped up in my own grief. But I see the way you look at him, and I remember what that's like. It means everything to me that you're happy."

Esther sniffled. Her father tightened his hug.

"Esther, dear. Do you trust him?"

She stiffened slightly, pulling a bit away from him.

"Yes, Father," she said seriously. "I trust him absolutely."

Her father sighed and nodded, patting her on the head. But he didn't say whatever it was he was worried about.

* * *

Esther and Javier joined the small huddle of students outside Mr. Langdon's room. The math teacher was enjoying a little theatrical moment as he unsealed the exam results from the whole region. A couple of the other students were glancing uncomfortably at Esther, knowing she had the best chance to place high enough to be on the list.