The Strangeness Within Pt. 06

Esther had finally done it. She'd used her abilities to help protect herself, and someone else. She should feel a sense of accomplishment, but mostly she was exhausted and terrified. Even with her abilities, hiding was the only real option for them. She'd sensed the intruders early enough this time, but she didn't know if she could rely on that yet.

Even Mark seemed unwilling or unable to go right back to bed. She patted the spot beside her and he sat down.

As usual he didn't seem likely to explain what was on his mind, so Esther guessed.

"Are you worrying about Nicola?"

He nodded. "I should be grateful she's safe," he said. "But I'm confused about how this group found us. Nicola would never have told them."

"Perhaps they have been watching Jacob," Esther said. "We should warn him, and stop expecting him to come up here. Though maybe it's not that. Lukas could have worked it out organically, from all the bits of information he has going through his head. We shouldn't underestimate him."

Mark nodded. "I didn't like the sound of these people. And the tale that Javier and Raj sent was not very encouraging, either. Nicola was so worried about controlling her abilities, but now she's with people who would want her to use her strength to hurt other people. She should be with us."

"Yes, she should," said Esther, stroking his shoulders.

To her surprise Mark turned and kissed her almost roughly, the way he had sometimes with Nicola. He'd never initiated anything with Esther before.

She grasped at him, this solid constant in her life. Before she knew it she was pulling off her clothes and helping him undress. He wanted to look at her a while, the way he always did, but she pushed him down on his back, grasping his penis and stroking until he was utterly hard. He was giving her a pleading look, and she still didn't know what he needed. But she could try. He deserved that much.

He gasped when she climbed over to straddle him. With a deep breath she lowered herself until the shaft of his penis touched the ring outside of her vagina. She was a little damp, and the tip of his penis was already oozing a bit of lubrication. Slowly she rubbed herself along the length of his penis. Back and forth, the shaft meaty and satisfying against her sensitive skin. She leaned forward to give him a kiss, and when she closed her eyes she could almost imagine she was actually having sex. She locked lips with Mark and pulled him tighter, grinding against his penis, his body was a furnace underneath her.

They'd never touched like this before. Esther hadn't wanted to make too much of her needs, and so she'd only asked for the minimum that would reliably give her an orgasm: his tongue, and his fingers. And of course she'd given him pleasure in return, but this was something different. Pleasure for its own sake, not in service of another goal. Not as a transaction between friends. This was making love, and Esther was beginning to drown in the joy and the guilt of the act.

Mark was squeezing her butt incredibly tightly with one hand, while the other stroked her sensitive back with a maddening lightness. She wanted to devour him, or to be devoured. She wanted him to lose control, to hurt her the way he'd worried. If he just pressed his penis into her too-small opening, she'd discover it had miraculously transformed. She would be a real woman, someone to make a life with. Someone to have children with and grow old with.

She was crying now, in between her gasps, and she kissed Mark with a desperation born of all her fears and hopes, the ones she'd never been able to share with Mark or Nicola. The ones she'd barely started to admit to Javier.

She felt her senses expanding and she fought it, wanting to stay close to this warm, richly scented body rubbing against hers. Nothing but the two of them and their lovemaking, if only for a moment. But when her orgasm came, it tore her from her body, spinning her into abstractions far beyond her understanding.

Darkness, and a horrible sense of motion, like a body in space flying free to infinity. Slowly she perceived lights, all rushing past at horrible speed, resolving into lines and sheets and bubbles and all the generalizations of the glowing strands she'd thought she was beginning to understand. She was lost and terrified, and she called out with every ounce of her strength for the one person who was always there for her.

Her vision was fading, everything turning black, her consciousness falling back into her body through sheer exhaustion. And amidst the dying patterns, she imagined she heard Javier.

I'm coming, he said. You know I would.

* * *

Javier sat up suddenly, his heart pounding. Beside him, Kat murmured something and shifted.

That had to have been Esther. She needed him again, and he'd said he was coming, because of course he was coming, even if he had no idea where she was.

But that wasn't quite true. There was something pulling him, a direction and a dimly imagined place. It wasn't really so different from what Esther had described last year when she felt the urge to go higher in the hills. Except there seemed to be more details: a warm wood cabin with bunk beds. A place where they'd been — God, it felt as though they'd been having sex. He shivered. At least this time he hadn't come all over Kat.

It was three in the morning. He could leave Kat a note and disappear. Surely that would be the best. He didn't know how long he'd have this bizarre sense of direction.

And then Kat would wake up and be rightfully upset. Javier knew all too well how it would feel, and he owed Kat more than that.

"Kat," he said softly, stroking her arm. What would have been a casual gesture mere hours ago now felt awkward, as if he didn't deserve to feel so comfortable with her.

"Mmm?" she said, turning over and smiling blearily. She wasn't wearing a bra under her shirt, and when she sat up he reflexively watched the way her breasts moved. She knew he did that, of course. And he knew she paid a little too much attention to his shorts in the morning. Javier realized all that was ending now.

"I have to go, Kat," he said. "Esther needs me."

Kat rubbed her eyes and focused on him more carefully.

"You're not joking, are you," she said. "Did she get in touch somehow? Where are you going?"

He'd never told Kat about the other instances where he felt Esther reaching out to him. Now he wondered why he hadn't felt he could confide in her. He didn't like what it said about him.

So he told her about it, haltingly, with plenty of embarrassed pauses.

"I'll go with you," Kat said. Javier couldn't work out what her tone meant. Did she not believe him?

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," said Javier slowly. "And I'm not crazy. I promise I'll get in touch with you after I get there."

"You mean, unlike Esther," said Kat. Javier jerked at her bitter tone, and Kat obviously regretted it.

"I'm sorry, Javier," Kat said. "That was rude. It's just — Christ, let's be honest here. We're more than just friends, and I guess I've been letting myself hope for even more than that. I don't want you to disappear on me."

"I won't," promised Javier. And he felt oddly guilty, because the woman he was running to had done exactly that to him. But they'd both been so young.

The thought almost made him smile.

Fifteen minutes later, Kat dropped him at his car with his small bag of clothes.

"Tell Mamá I finally got the job I wanted," he said. "The job of my dreams. But it starts immediately. She'll understand."

"I wish I got along with my parents the way you do," said Kat. "So, is this job going to prevent you from starting school next month?"

Javier winced. In his singlemindedness he hadn't even thought about that.

"I don't know, Kat. I don't know anything. But I have to do this."

She nodded, wiping a tear from her eye, and hugged him. Javier turned his face to hers, and they shared the briefest kiss, lip to lip. Kat broke it off first, her mouth quivering.

"Just go, Javier. And it might not look it, but I really wish you the best of everything. Both of you. There's no fighting fate, is there?"

Javier shook his head and got in his car. Kat was still watching him when he rounded the corner and sped towards the freeway.

..........................*** Chapter 37 ***...........................

Breakfast with Mark was awkward.

There was no question that last night had been something different from any of their previous intimacy. Mark seemed to understand that as well as Esther, and in his own way he was more subdued than usual.

She'd wanted to sleep with him all night. She'd wanted to pour everything out to him, to explain why she was crying. But it was a lot to burden him with. And it wasn't fair to him either. After all, in that moment of terror she'd called out to Javier, not Mark. When she'd come to her senses, her body cramping with terror and pleasure and sadness, Mark had been holding her as gently as a baby, even as she muttered Javier's name. No, it wasn't fair to him at all.

"Mark," she finally said. "I'm so sorry about last night. I don't know what happened to me."

He nodded in that serious way of his.

"I know I'm not Javier," he said. "And you're not Nicola. Does that mean we shouldn't do anything like that again?"

She didn't know what to say to that. Finally, he nodded again and stood up to gather dishes. She grabbed his hand.

"I think we still need each other," she said. "It's not wrong. Maybe it's not what we each want, but it still gives me a lot of pleasure. And there's nothing wrong with that, if both of us want it."

"Yes," Mark said slowly. "Nicola has said similar things many times. I'm starting to understand how complicated it can be. Esther, it gave me a lot of pleasure as well."

"Good," said Esther uncertainly. But Mark took her dishes to the sink, seeming to think they'd satisfactorily explored the topic. And Esther was too confused and exhausted to bring it up again.

Some hours later, she was in Abuela's cabin, meditating with another of the sculptures. It was then she realized there was a car coming up the hill.

They'd returned. She gasped and opened her eyes, thinking furiously about what to do. Mark was out hunting. He needed to return so she could hide him, or else he needed to run far away quickly, beyond the reach of the sensitive one. But she wasn't sure she could convey a message like that to him. She'd never tried.

She was just about to call him back when something stopped her: it wasn't the same car as last night.

Desperately she slowed her breathing, trying to recapture Abuela's map so she could prune away everything but the node she cared about. Slowly the picture cleared.

It was the smell that she recognized first. It smelled of home: of a different kind of tree, a tent, and a rushing stream. Safety.

"Javier," she said softly, and then opened her eyes in wonder. It was Javier's car, and Javier's smell. It was impossible that he'd found her, but he had.

Could she have actually called to him last night? She supposed it was possible, though Abuela had never mentioned being able to contact those without enhanced sensitivity at any distance. Esther knew Javier didn't have the changes. She'd seen every square inch of his skin, after all.

She didn't call for Mark. Better that Javier meet just her, at first. She should be overjoyed about this, but instead she was worried. It had been nine months since they'd seen each other. Esther wasn't the same person she'd been back then. She was something far stranger than either of them had known at the time.

She was waiting by the truck when Javier's car came around the curve. Esther could see the almost comical expression of astonishment on his face when he saw her. As though he hadn't really believed he'd ever find her again. She wasn't sure if he really had, at least not the Esther who had left him.

He parked the car and opened the door so fast he almost fell out. She could see he was just as confused and nervous as she was.

"Javier," she said, trying not to cry. And then he was holding her, kissing her head, stumbling over words he'd probably prepared carefully the whole drive up. She didn't hear any of them above the roaring in her head.

When she could finally breathe and hear again, he was looking at her with concern. The same beautiful brown eyes, though his hair was shorter and his face a touch more round. Older. She wondered what he saw in her.

"I'm all right," she said finally. "Better than all right. Overwhelmed. I think I almost fainted."

"Yeah, I almost did that when I saw you standing there expecting me. Just as well I didn't, since I was the one piloting this ton of rust and bad design decisions."

Esther started to laugh. "I thought for sure you'd get rid of the car. You hated it so much."

"Yeah," said Javier, smiling with her. "But I loved the memories it was part of."

Esther hugged him tighter. He really had gained a little weight. But some of it was muscle. He'd always been thin around his chest, and now he was more like Mark. She swallowed and carefully stepped away from him.

"Are you the only one here?" he asked, trying to cover his confusion and hurt. "Where's the old woman?"

Esther shook her head morosely.

"There's so much to tell you, Javier. I'm so happy to see you, but I'm terrified for you as well. This isn't a safe place. Abuela's dead."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Esther," Javier said, reaching for her hand. She let him hold it, but she couldn't bear to talk about Abuela right now. There was too much grief bottled up, and she had to keep her head on straight.

Javier seemed to sense some of her mood, and he put on his thinking face. "Her death explains some things," he said. "She was doing something very important, wasn't she? Lukas thought she was standing between him and the Unit, trying to keep the conflict from hurting people. Whatever she was doing seemed to have stopped, because it's terrible out there now. You know, at first Kat and I liked to think we were trying to do the same thing the old woman — Abuela was doing."

"How about we sit down before we get into all that," Esther said, leading him towards the dining cabin. "I think we both have a lot to say. You know, Javier, however nervous I probably seem, I'm incredibly happy to see you. It was just so unexpected. How did you find me?"

"But you called out to me," he said. "Surely you remember? It wasn't the first time, but this time it was so strong that I could feel where you were. The direction, anyway. I can't tell you how much time I spent driving, staring at a map, trying to triangulate, and then backtracking because that stupid car can't handle half the roads up here."

"Oh," said Esther, thinking rapidly. Had he heard her every time she'd called out before? Could she really have reached so far, without even meaning to? No wonder Abuela had been nervous about the shout she'd sent out during her first orgasm.

And then she'd done it again last night, with Mark. As they took seats at the dining table, she felt herself blushing terribly.

"This is a nice place," said Javier. "So it's just you, now?"

"No," she said. "There's another person. Mark is out in the woods hunting for food."

The two of them sat awkwardly in silence.

"Javier, how much did you gather of my circumstances when I called out to you? I didn't realize I was doing that. I didn't know I could, not to someone without the changes."

Javier nodded slowly. "That makes sense. It was usually at night, when I was asleep. A few times I wondered if you were calling me in your dreams, because — well. Probably it was just me projecting things. I've missed you so much, Esther. But I didn't realize — so you weren't in danger?"

"No, I was," she said. "At least once. And maybe last night as well, though a different kind of danger. But it's hard to explain."

"I'm not going anywhere," Javier said.

As Esther told the story, she found herself getting steadily more nervous. This should be a happy reunion, and yet she was having difficulty focusing on anything except a looming sense of danger. And worse than that: guilt. She found herself editing events slightly here and there. Javier didn't need to know about what she'd done with Nicola and Mark. It wasn't really that important, was it? And he didn't need to know yet about her odd requirement for physical release to stretch her abilities.

Javier had an appalled look on his face by the time she finally finished.

"I'm sorry, Javier," she said. "I didn't mean for it all to happen like that."

"What?" Javier asked, confused. "What is there to be sorry about, Esther? If you think I'm upset, I am. I can't believe what you've had to go through. And I can't believe the burden you're taking upon yourself. I'm terrified for you, Esther. There are deadly people playing this game."

"Don't you think I know that?" Esther blurted. She had no idea what was making her so angry, but the words spilled out. "It was my father who got killed. I was the one in the room when Abuela's brains got splattered all over. I was the one who had to hide both Mark and myself from Lukas's agents just last night. I know what I'm doing. I don't need you to tell me it's too dangerous, and that you'll protect me. You're the one who needs protecting, don't you see? I wasn't ready, and I'm still not. I wanted more than anything to have you here, but I can barely keep myself safe."

Javier took in all of her words with a sad seriousness that reminded her oddly of Mark. He didn't even try to interrupt her.

When she finished, he nodded and sighed.

"You're right," he said. "I'm picking up right where I left off: sure that you need my protection, despite all of your own strength and bravery. I'm sorry for what I was like then, and I'm sorry to imply you need that from me now. All I want is to help you however I can. I don't want to leave, but I'll do it if that's what you need to keep concentrating on your abilities."

"No," she said immediately. "No, I need you here. I haven't wanted to admit that, and it will be uncomfortable for me to explain, but I will. First, though, can you tell me your story?"

* * *

Javier tried to remember everything that happened, but of course it was impossible unless you were Esther. He left out his fling with Samantha, of course, but at some point he finally had to mention Kat. He wasn't sure he was as casual about it as he intended.

Esther looked really good, despite all the awful things that had happened. She'd cut her hair a little shorter, which he thought was pretty sexy. Her hair still wasn't as short as Kat's, of course.

She looked healthy, even athletic. Apparently she owed it all to Mark, who'd taught her all kinds of body-control techniques as well as acting as her fitness trainer. Javier was starting to get nervous about meeting this Mark character. It wasn't the way she talked about him, but the way she didn't talk about him quite enough. Just as he wasn't saying enough about Kat.

When he finished his tale, Esther sat there thinking, her eyes not quite focused on him.

"So it was Janelle I sensed that one time," she said. "And you. I knew there was someone else in the room with her. I must be really sensitive to you, and you to me. Abuela said it worked that way for her with Jacob. Javier, did you know she was the reason Janelle hurt her knee? Did anything seem odd about it from your point of view?"

"Wait," Javier said. "It just looked like she made a mistake while she was showing off, the same as I did before senior year. You mean Abuela reached two hundred miles and caused Janelle to land badly? Esther, that's unreal. How could she have that kind of power? I know you told me the thing about the butterflies, but I can't see how anyone could do that. Did she cause a little earthquake or something?"