The Strangeness Within Pt. 06

"Maybe," said Esther. "It would have been easier to search for a moment when she could fool Janelle's senses briefly, with just the right movement of air, or something similar. If it was an earthquake it would have been an infinitesimal one specifically for Janelle."

"Like Franklin," Javier said unhappily. "That's how he does it, I guess."

"NOT like Franklin," said Esther. "Maybe she used some of the same tools, but she hated the idea of hurting people with them. Abuela only did that to Janelle because she knew she'd recover, and she needed something to get her under control quickly."

"I guess I'm glad for that," said Javier. "And you're right, I suppose. It's all in how you use the tools. Given the sudden spree of the murders, bombs, and arrests since she died — obviously she was doing tremendous good, so subtly that no one even knew it. And I guess that's what you want to do?"

"Yes," Esther said. "Abuela wanted me to take her place. I can't, of course, because it will take years and years to develop the skills she had. But surely it's my responsibility to try. What other reason would there be for me having these skills?"

"That's very Spider-Man of you," said Javier. Esther gave him a confused look, but he was too tired to explain. "Look, I don't think there has to be a reason. These abilities are part of who you are. You still get to decide what to do with your life. You said Jacob decided not to use his talents, and you obviously respect him. If you want to go study math and not use your abilities at all, I don't see anything wrong with that."

Esther was shaking her head, but suddenly she stopped.

"Wait," she said. "That's what I'm missing. I've been so busy trying to see the world like Abuela, but she told me herself that my mathematical training should give me an advantage."

When she didn't say anything for a while, Javier took her hand. Esther blinked at him and looked out of sorts.

"You don't have to solve this right now," he said. "Maybe you could show me around? If you want me to stay, I should figure out how to make myself useful."

What he really wanted was to lie down with her and hold her tight until he knew everything was all right between them. Javier was still waiting for her to explain why she needed him in this strange place, and in truth he was waiting for any sign she still loved him. She seemed so distracted and terrified, and she certainly had enough reasons. But he was starting to worry there was more to it than she'd said.

It was a small camp, but it seemed immense and vacant for just two people. Apparently Mark didn't like going into Abuela's old cabin, but Esther did much of her meditating in there. She still slept in the cabin with Mark, the same as before Nicola left. And she hadn't explained anything really about their relationship.

"It must have been hard getting used to bunking in here," he said.

Esther nodded and bit her lip. Obviously she wanted to tell him something. Well, he was used to this dance. When she sat down on a bunk, he sat on the opposite one.

"That was Nicola's bunk," she said slowly. "I miss her. I'm really worried about her."

"She sounded pretty tough," said Javier. "I bet she'll be all right."

"That won't help her make peace with what she did. It might make it harder."

Javier had to nod to that, and anyway Esther would know best. She'd lived with these people for the better part of a year. Javier hadn't had nearly so much time with her. Of course he was jealous of Mark. That was all it was, surely. It wasn't about sex or whatever they might have done together. It was all that time they'd had hidden away together, with Javier on the outside.

"Javier," Esther said, looking at him squarely. "I want us to be like we were. I want it so much, but it's more complicated than that."

Here it comes, Javier thought. He nodded and tried to hold an encouraging look on his face. He'd wait for her get it all out and then tell her none of it mattered. And he wouldn't let her run away the like she had the last time she'd admitted something difficult.

He waited, but of course, being Esther, she couldn't get it out. Maybe everything was just like old times.

"Esther, whatever it is, it's all right. I love you. If this is about Mark, or —"

Esther turned red and he realized he'd guessed right. But she couldn't seem to say anything.

"Do you need some time? I can go wander about. Figure out what kinds of things we could cook. Maybe we'll be having venison tacos soon."

Esther smiled slightly and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll need a little time," she said. "You can come find me in that bath cabin I pointed out, say in about fifteen minutes."

"The bath cabin," Javier repeated, not quite believing what she was saying. A hint of an embarrassed smile touched Esther's lips, and in no time Javier was grinning like a fool. It was still her body she was so nervous about, that last secret she'd never been willing to reveal.

He walked out half wanting to start singing. But she'd said Mark had really good hearing even at great distance. He really didn't want the guy's first impressions to be based on Javier's terrible renditions of Mexican pop.

* * *

When he judged the time right, he walked over to the cabin. The water was running, and some steam emerged from the vent above. It really was a beautiful little design, but the way Esther had talked about it, clearly it meant more to her than that.

He knocked softly on the door.

"Come in," Esther said, obviously nervous.

He closed the door quickly and waited his eyes to adjust.

Esther was naked in the tub, waiting for him. It was a dream. The indirect light was perfectly sufficient to make out her exquisite small breasts and all the exotic features he'd dreamed about for so many months. She was slouched low in the water, her hands blocking the parts of her he hadn't before seen.

"Would you be willing to join me?" Esther asked nervously. "Perhaps sitting behind me? There should be room."

Javier nodded vigorously and began to strip off his clothes. Esther watched him with a frank hunger that he found immensely reassuring. She even stared at his dick unashamedly, smiling a little as it began to come erect.

Carefully he stepped into the tub. The water was much warmer than he'd expected Esther to be comfortable with. She always overheated so easily.

No, that wasn't right. She said she'd gotten good at controlling her temperature.

She leaned back against him, her back rubbing against his dick, and he moaned.

"I've missed this so much," he said.

Esther nodded but didn't say anything. Javier realized she was incredibly nervous. He stroked her shoulders and ran his fingers through her hair. He wanted to see the rest of her body, but she had something to say to him, and for whatever reason this was the place she seemed most comfortable.

"I had my first orgasm in here," Esther said softly.

Javier's dick pulsed against Esther's back.

"Wow," he said. "That's great. What was it like? Apart from the obvious."

Esther sighed. "I felt as if my mind had exploded. Abuela later told me I was seeing the entire universe at once, but I've realized that it's still just another representation of it, like her map. The human brain is tiny compared to the universe, so of course it can only hold a tiny fraction of that complexity."

Javier frowned. That was the strangest description of an orgasm he'd ever heard.

"So it was like your other sensory orgasms, but much more so?"

Esther shook her head and laughed slightly. "No, it was a real orgasm all right. But I wasn't conscious of my body for most of it. It was as though I was unmoored and drifting away from anything I could recognize. I called out as loudly as I could for help, and few seconds later Nicola came crashing through the door like a firefighter."

Javier laughed. "That must have been awkward," he said. Esther didn't immediately respond, and he wondered if he were missing something.

"I didn't call out loud," she said. "I called with my mind. Exactly the way Abuela did when she tried to call me to her. Abuela said I'd shouted so loudly that she had to do a lot of work to distract all the people I'd unknowingly called to."

Javier started. "I heard you," he said. "It was around mid-morning, right? I had a free block and I was in school. Oh, that seems like ages ago."

"Yes," agreed Esther.

Javier didn't know where this was going.

"I've gotten much more adept with my abilities," said Esther. "But I still get a giant boost when I have an orgasm. It's probably an accident of my old hangups about my body. Abuela said I'd probably grow out of it, but for the moment it's a necessary part of the process. And Javier, it's still difficult for me to have an orgasm on my own."

"Oh," Javier said, rapidly filling in the detail. "So you and Mark —"

Esther interrupted.

"No, it was Nicola. Until Abuela died, anyway. Nicola was so comforting to be with, despite everything. Mark and I, that's only because we were in such danger, and I needed to have every advantage. I'm so sorry, Javier. I know you probably —"

"No, I don't," interrupted Javier. "I don't get to be jealous. I am anyway, but it's because of all the time you three had together, with me desperately wishing to be with you."

"I'm sorry, though," said Esther. "I didn't realize you were waiting for me. It didn't mean that much, really. They were just orgasms. Mostly."

Esther started to sniffle, and Javier hastily spoke up.

"I wasn't waiting for you," he said. "Not when it came to sex. I'm glad you found people to give you pleasure."

Well, intellectually he was glad anyway. And he still wasn't sure he was processing what she'd said about Nicola. Was Esther bisexual, like Kat? His cock started to swell inappropriately against Esther's back.

"Same for you," Esther said, with rather more conviction. She really was a better person that he was.

"I love you so much, Esther," he said.

"I love you, Javier. So much that I don't even know what to feel right now."

Javier started to stroke her neck, part of their old foreplay. But Esther took hold of his hand and half-turned.

"Not yet, Javier," she said. "I'm too nervous. And I need to show you my body, so you have time to think about it properly. I never gave you that chance before."

Slowly she stood up, water sluicing down her pale buttocks and steam curling around her body. She really had grown some lean muscles, and right this moment Javier couldn't think of anything more erotic than the tiny bottom in front of his face. Kat's voice popped into his head unbidden, and he had to admit her butthole looked just peachy. If she didn't find the idea repelling.

And then Esther turned around.

It was like that day in the woods when she'd first showed him her breast. She was trembling, arms rigid at her sides though her hands clearly wanted to cover herself up. But why would she want to do that?

"You're absolutely gorgeous," he said, and he meant it. He smiled in delight at the fine fur, the strangely bare area with a bright bluish-purple circle of flesh, and the small hole right in the middle of it all. She was nothing like other women. She was Esther.

"It's like those fake pockets on women's clothes," Esther said. "The hole doesn't go anywhere. And it's too tiny." She was blushing and looking at his dick again, and Javier nodded.

"I don't care," he said. "There are a million things we can do that aren't penetration. Surely you did that with Nicola, right? I mean, if you get pleasure from that area."

Javier felt like an idiot, but Esther smiled faintly.

"Yes, I get plenty of pleasure from there." She sighed and leaned on the side of the tub. "I can't believe how impossible that was for me to show you back then. Right now feels like just an echo of that. I guess I've lost a lot of body shyness given everything that's happened. And Mark and Nicola were not exactly shy with each other."

"Oh," said Javier, connecting the pieces. He stroked Esther's knee. "You mean, with you in the cabin?"

She nodded, looking all the more embarrassed. "Nicola called this a fishbowl, that there was no real privacy anyway. They assumed I had abilities to theirs, and I guess now I do. But I, uh, learned a lot from them."

"I'll bet," Javier said, trying not to laugh. "Do you want to try any of it out?"

Esther looked tempted, despite what she'd said before. But she shook her head.

"Another time," she said. "I don't even know how all of this will work with Mark. Are we dating again?"

Javier nodded seriously. "I think we might be," he said. "So I guess this is a first date again. You have an ice cream machine in the kitchen?"

Esther laughed and reached for her towel, stepping out of the tub. And just like that, the two of them were standing together naked. Not touching, really, but Javier could be patient. The two of them were back together and everything was right with the world.

..........................*** Chapter 38 ***...........................

For much of the afternoon he helped Esther in the kitchen, canning berries and making jam. Mamá had done a little of this when he was younger, so he wasn't completely useless, but it was fascinating to see how many edible fruits and plant parts were hiding out in the woods. Apparently Mark was out gathering more, along with any meat or fish he decided to catch.

The more Javier picked up about Mark incidentally, the more nervous he was about meeting him. Esther said he was incredibly strong like Janelle, though he never showed off. He was like the perfect hunter-gatherer, and no doubt he was stunningly attractive as well. And seven years older. He hated to think of Mark as competition, not least because it was pretty obvious Javier would lose.

Finally Esther told him Mark was returning.

"I'm sure he'll appreciate the help you gave me," she said.

Javier nodded nervously. "Will he be all right with me being here? Honestly?"

Esther thought about that. "I don't know how he'll react. But we're all adults. It'll work out."

Javier found that hardly reassuring. He sat with Esther silently at the table.

When Mark opened the door, he didn't show any surprise. But then, Esther said he would have known Javier was here well before he got into camp. Mark examined Javier for a few seconds and then dropped his pack roughly on the counter.

Mark looked not so different from Javier's mental picture. A hair shorter than Javier, but with a powerful chest and arms like a wrestler. Javier found himself staring at a huge, old scar on Mark's forehead and scalp. Mark gave him a cold look, as though he expected as much, and Javier quickly smiled and extended his hand. But Mark spoke first.

"You must be Javier," he said carefully, ignoring Javier's offered hand. "I did not expect to meet you so soon. Esther, I have blackberries and elderberries and a trout. Are you busy?"

Javier opened his mouth. Esther was looking at Mark nervously, as though she hadn't expected him to be so rude either.

"I can help you with food if you like," Javier said. "I've been looking forward to meeting you."

Mark swallowed, and for a second Javier thought he seemed afraid. Mark took two careful breaths, looked at Esther, and made a strange choking sound before spinning around and running out the door with astonishing nimbleness.

Javier slowly sat down, looking at Esther in confusion. She was obviously upset.

"Oh no," she said. "Poor Mark. He'd been doing so well."

Quickly she explained what she knew of his past, and the violent fits he occasionally was still subject to.

"He ran because he was angry, and that frightens him terribly," she said. "He wouldn't have hurt you, of course. He might not even be sure why he's angry. But he'll work it out on his own, in the woods."

Javier felt a guilty relief over the next hour as they prepared the food together. Mark and Esther had obviously been a good team on their own, but Javier was beginning to feel the old comfort with Esther. A casual touch here, a little smile there. Mark had every reason to be jealous, and so Javier needed to be as magnanimous as he could.

When the fish was cooked, he looked out in the darkening evening.

"Will he be gone long?" he asked.

"He's something like ten miles away now," said Esther. "But he's stopped running. If I think he's in danger, I can call him back."

Ten miles, right through the woods, at a speed Javier could never match. Mark wasn't like anyone he'd met, not even Janelle. And of course Esther knew exactly where he was. She was so matter-of-fact about her abilities. They were an instinctive part of her now, and he had to get used to that, and whatever surprises might be coming. She implied she'd only scratched the surface of what she might be capable of.

After dinner, Javier half-hoped they could just get into bed together. After all, Esther said she needed to have orgasms for her strange practical reasons. And Javier was right there, desperate to be of assistance. But instead Esther helped him make up the bed above hers.

"No one was ever up there," she said. "Not that I know, anyway. It was waiting for you, I suppose. Oh! I just felt Mark. He's coming back after all."

They got into their beds and chatted for a while, filling in a few details here and there. Apparently Mark was coming back a lot slower. Finally the door opened and he slid in.

"Hi Mark," said Esther. Mark grunted in reply. After quickly stripping to his underwear, he vaulted up onto his bed with a gymnast's grace. He turned away from Javier, and within a minute he'd apparently fallen asleep.

"He does that all the time," said Esther from beneath Javier. "Goes right to sleep, no matter what might be bothering him. I've always been jealous."

"Do you need company?" Javier whispered.

"Yes," Esther sighed. "And no. Let's try to start things on the right foot tomorrow, for all three of us."

* * *

But the next morning, Mark was gone before either of them woke up.

"He's roaming one of his usual routes," Esther said. But neither of them felt entirely reassured.

Javier did however quickly recognize a skill he could put to use: driving. Esther and Mark were running low on supplies and didn't want to put Jacob at further risk by regular visits. After breakfast, he got into the truck with a long shopping list.

"I really have to teach you to drive," he told Esther as he left. "Not that I mind doing errands."

The truck turned out to be great fun. Apparently Nicola had tinkered with it as a hobby, and when he opened the hood up at the gas station he saw all sorts of aftermarket improvements. It would be something to talk about if he ever met her. Esther wasn't sure when they'd see her again. He was coming to realize Nicola meant a lot more to both her and Mark than he'd understood.

He enjoyed the truck so much that on his way back he took a slightly longer route on one of the terrible roads his sedan couldn't handle. It was the most fun he'd had in a long time, and when he got back to the camp he realized that was what Esther and Mark had been missing.

When Esther emerged from her meditations, he'd already set up a rough soccer patch in the most open area around the parking circle.

"You brought a soccer ball with you?" Esther asked with a smile, leaning against the truck to watch him do tricks.

"My favorite one," he said. "I never took it out of the sedan. Looking at it always made me think of that afternoon in the park with you in San Jose, before everything got too crazy."

"I almost told you everything that afternoon," Esther said. "I wish I had."

Javier stopped the ball and walked over to Esther.

"Me too," he said. "But you told me now. And in the long run, I don't think it made much difference. You couldn't have brought me here, and you needed all this time with others like you. God, I missed you, though."