All Comments on 'The Sultry Sorceress Ch. 06'

Just skimming through at this point with the slim hope that she finally gets killed.

There were no pathetic losers, small cock miserables or inexperienced virgins in the first chapter. Everyone was confident, cocky and bold. That is the best chapter so far.

Writing Paris as that much of a weakling, it really ruins the story. Not to mention how much he loses, he gets the short end of the stick too much. Wouldn't Lily be happy to not be raped by some giant for once? Sure, she was forced by Nadia, but still. At least the dude in chapter two got a girl who (seemingly) liked him, even though he had such a tiny tool. Paris... gets nothing but a bigger cock (ok, so he looks better too, but nowhere near as much as his friends). I'm surprised Lily even did kick him, instead of just doing something sillier like showing her tongue at him, smile and then leave. Would have made for a better ending, though not as good as Paris actually getting laid for once.

And no tentacles yet? :3 That would fit right into a story like this (no pun intended).

There are some grammatical errors here and there, nothing too major, but it happens quite a bit. More so than in earlier chapters. Can you have someone proofread for you?

I think you can deliver better than this. The set-up is good, character descriptions are really good, but Paris being a whimp ruins a lot of it. In fact, shouldn't he be angry? He's losing the love of his life to his best friend (who fucked his mother, by the way), a pair of paladins use him as a trap or tool (he didn't get his reward from them, did he, even though he did his part and they failed?), and Nadia & co. does nothing but scowl at him. I'd be pretty pissed if I was him. Sure, he shovels shit all day, but does he really have nothing to show for it? Like, good knowledge of horses, strong arms (horseshit is heavy, I speak from experience), etc? I feel like Paris should get a second chance, or at least a different ending where Lily doesn't kick him in the groin.

I'll give you one thing, though. You're a good writer. Keep it up, I'll happily read the next chapter. I just hope the next "small guy" has more guts than Paris and that guy with the cute little succubus. And more of Lily, of course. I find her to be the best so far.

You can have that demon lord capture both chancy and Nadia when they meet up again and force them to team up wrestling against his demons and demoness losing or winning at your leasure with the lords daughter working as their second to revive their energy.

Paris is horrible. It would be a dramatic plot twist if he actually got castrated.