All Comments on 'The Teammate Pt. 00: Prologue'

I made it to the 36 DDD's. I'm sure we'll have 12 inch cocks soon. Dreadful.

see where this shit is heading. Week after week all we get are stories of women who love to fuck around on their husbands and who just can't help how they feel and well they fought it, even used hubby as a dildo while the really fucked his friend. Well, I got news, that shit is cheating too. So I say I don't like this story at all. Sex was hot, but wasn't the husbands. What is he going to feel when he learns the truth? And she will probably fuck the friend right there, that day. So he not only gets dominated by his friend, in front of all of this other friends, but he loses what credibility he had to be able to play on their team. Pussies don't play with the big boys.

So I wonder. Are you trying to write a cuck story or are you going the way of several on here and just writing to piss of the maximum amount of people. Writing's not bad but boy the subject sucks.

and oh my garden the sex is amazing.

'oh my garden'? WTF? Who the fuck says 'oh my garden? Can't claim mistake, you used it a few times in what I did manage to read.

Please, don't be like EVERY other writer in LW, see where this is going after 2 paragraphs, if she's married to every woman's dream man, what the fuck is she doing wanting to fuck her dream guy of a husbands friend/team mate, no different to every other boring cuck story on this site.

Sorry...nothing new or interesting in here...nothing to makes us want the next parts, instead it make us fear how bad and sick this will become...1*

Why don't you have them all drive the team bus over a cliff and spare us the rest of the story.

Tell us why you come here if you hate all the stories??

If the husband isn't going to cut off his teammate's cock and serve a cock smoothy to his whore of a wife, don't bother.

1* women like this need to live in a brothel

Why so many haters on the comments critique the writing nobody cares about your content thoughts

Pappy is right , this story is so predictable and headed for tragedy.

embarrassed that your story made them wank... or that even with your story they couldn't wank.

keep writing and post the rest, i'm looking forward to reading the story you tell.

No drama, no suspense, no mystery. Can we just cut right to the part where she fucks the entire basketball team and the queer cuck hubby loves it?

Oh, right, that would spoil the drama, and the suspense, and the mystery.

Like what else has such a loser got to spend his time on?

Years ago two of my teammates were fucking the wife and girlfriend of another two teammates. The girls were best friends and the first time was after a very drunken bar night after a game . They did get caught after a year or so . The team broke up and couple dating broke up and the married one had a very rocky few years but stayed together. He started fucking around on her but she really made a fool out of him. At one party hubby was so drunk passed out and she fucked the friend in the basement a few times. I walked in on purpose just as they were finishing with Cum still on her face and tits. She freaked out, she didn't think everyone knew what a cheating pig she was and a few of us told her so. I didn't but two other guys made her blow them to keep quiet. Even young and single I didn't believe in fucking married woman. How he stayed married after catching her and all the rumors is beyond me but he did.

strike while its still hot. TK U MLJ LV NV

a bunch of garbage, go away there is enough of your kind on this site, all with an I.Q under forty.

You have the start of a good story, and the comments of the trolls aside, you’ve given them about as much of a new twist as they’re likely to get here on LW. After all, if a writer adheres to Lit’s stated guidelines for LW—“extra-marital fun’ you are going to read a story about one spouse fucking someone else. No way around it, but those who hide behind the cloak of anonymity seem too dumb to understand. Unable to write and submit stories they do like, if they even know what they like, they attack better writers than themselves.

Now to address your work. Seriously you have a good beginning of a story, one that shows more imagination than I’ve seen in LW in quite awhile, but you need a few improvements to your writing craft. (Now if you are from another country, some of my comments might not apply there, but since you are posting here you might want to consider them.

#1 You have chosen to write this story in the 1st person, therefore you need to conform to its conventions. The protagonist can’t see his own face, except through some external device. Without using one, you have him telling about how red his face got. Suggestion “I could feel myself begin to blush. I bet my face was rosy red…” Nor can the protagonist know anything that he can’t see, or is told, or can assume from his past experience or studies.

#2 A paragraph contains only one speaker. Ex-- I mentally slapped myself and took a silent breath. "Yes, I'm fine! Just a little hot in here with the oven and stove on! I don't think we've been officially introduced, I'm Marci, Lance's wife." I extended my hand for a hand shake.

"I'm Jason Tills" He said still grinning as he took my hand. The second our skin made contact, I felt a new wave of hormones crash against me.

Even if he’d only said, “Hi.” You still need a new paragraph.

On the good side, you pace your paragraphs very well, not too short—not too long. BTW, for that reader who commented about wife saying “Oh my garden,” he just didn’t understand how appropriate the phrase is. You are portraying a refined lady here, who is also a woman with all the wants, needs, and weaknesses that implies, not a potty mouthed slut. With that one comment you painted a s good a picture as some would have used a hundred or more words to convey.

Please don’t let the negative comments get you down. If you enjoy writing keep it up. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing here this story goes. (And for you naysayers out there—yes, I know she’s going to wind up screwing Jason. What I don’t know, and neither do you, is the passion and drama that particular path will take.)

ssssooooooooo booooring

It doesn't give us anything more than a scene and that isn't enough to rate. Post several pages if you want feedback (serious, not the anon shit)

And the "Oh my garden" ????? WTF??

2*

This was a fun, erotic story that zipped along quickly. It was fun to see the wife “in the kitchen” getting so heated up that she needed immediate release. She wisely chose her husband instead of teammate Jason. However, by kidnapping her husband in the middle of the party, everyone now knows she is a sensual, sexual woman that needs fucked!

Both my wife and I liked the story because we have hosted pool parties at our home where some of my hunting and fishing friends also got my wife hot. She is a flirt and enjoys all the attention of being the only woman at the party. At first, she waited until they all left and then attacked me.

However, over time, she just became more and more attracted to my friends and enjoyed being the party hostess. Soon we were playing spin the bottle, which started with kisses and groping. Now she is just the party favor that gets passed around all night and banged multiple times by 6 or 8 guys.

We hope this “teaser” story continues on with more chapters. And we hope the wife, in the story, learns to “take one for the team”. My wife is particularly excited because she knows how good it feels to have her needs met by multiple men. She has no idea why a married woman would want to be monogamous.

Go on soon, please ;)

This hot wife will eventually take on the whole team. That's if the writer keeps on writing.

This I how my affair with a guy on my husband's softball team started. We had flirted at the games a little and afterwards over some beers. Devon was a sexy black guy about 22. I'm 30. My husband noticed my attraction and encouraged it. We hosted the end of the season pool party for the team. Kenny bought me a sexy new tiny bikini. Really tiny. My tits popped out a few times during a volleyball match. Devon and I finally got together after the party. He spent the night and fucked me all night. Alllll night. I was so worn out. Kenny let him stop by about once every month. Heaven.

Fun story but the real comments with the married people who have done this is crazy. Why would a guy allow himself to be humiliated and have everyone he knows talk about what a fucking wimp pussy he is for allowing some young black punk kid fuck his wife ., and allow it. You know he's telling everyone he knows and who could blame him, he's totally abusing the two of them . The other comments the guy let's all his friends fuck her, that what happens with prostitutes at bachelor parties but they get paid and are not married. I have more respect for them. I guess to each his own

I hope this wasn't your best effort.

Take the lumps with the gravy baby . Everyone isn’t going to like everything you write , and some of these critics can be very rude , just don’t take what they say personally. Some people get offended by what some writers characters do , taking it seriously , and thus attacking the writer with vile hatred . Don’t let it bother you . Plus you absolutely picked the most scrutinized genre to post in ! Keep writing you have potential .