All Comments on 'The Third Wheel'

This piece has by far the worst rating of all my stories. For those of you who didn't like the story, could you let me know why and how you think it could have been better? I'd love to hear it, so I have your suggestions to guide future writing.

why people have rated this poorly. So many things wrong with the female in this story. Mainly, no condom and secondly the thought she will have his baby. No one in their right mind would do this to a guy she has been with for 3 years, certainly without him having some inclination of her motives to fuck the other guy. Sorry story line...... painful to our male ego's.

JJ

I think the problem is that like with a lot of erotic fiction, many novices either fail to make use of proofreaders and editors, or their characters just aren't all that believable.

For instance, we don't know enough about Kevin to know how he would react to hearing Kara's lie about her being on the pill. The way he behaves in the story is like if someone had pulled a plug on an AI robot, there's not really any reaction. Not only that, but the threesome that had been mentioned earlier in the story never happened. It was Kara and James, while Kevin watched. He didn't participate.

As I said earlier, the problem is the lack of a developed enough character. Kara doesn't catch Kevin browsing interracial porn or impregnation sites. Nor does Kevin hear her talk about erotic fantasies of bedding interracial lovers. We do know that they tracked her fertility cycle, so most likely they were taking precautions against her conceiving a bastard by Kevin. And then she just straight up lies to James about her being on a contraceptive that not only isn't she on, but she's in the peak of her fertility cycle! But because Kevin isn't a developed enough character, he is incapable of reacting properly to the situation taking place at that time. If he was white supremacist/racist then he'd have never agreed to his girl bedding a 'dirty nigger.' If he was against her breeding with other men, then an argument should have at least broken out, and James would have caught on to her having lied to him. Then depending on James character, he could have bred Kara anyways because he thinks interracial breeding is hot and sexy. He could have refused to put his cock into someone who lied to him and tried to deceive him. Or he could have put a condom on once he found out. But because we don't have enough information about the character's fetishes or their personalities or sexual turn offs, then that/those character(s) are incapable of reacting to situations in a believable, psychologically reasonable way.

If you develop your three characters more and properly build up the story so that we know the characters and can anticipate their reactions, then when they react, then the readership can accept that reaction instead of feeling like an electrical bridge with an open circuit and wondering how they jumped from one side to the other without the bridge.

Seems coupling was over quickly and to write that it was so sexy boyfriend had orgasm of his life just whacking himself off watching was a bit much.

Low rating due to really not much effort in story.

James girl dumps him why after all he was alpha stud

James and kara have lusted for each other for years but did nothing why not

James is all for it-but knowing it is her fertile time allows sex with no condom-must not plan on keeping her after legendary amount of cum shot in here

Basically it is black guy has big cock

Fucks friend's longtime girlfriend

She gets or knows she is now pregnant

I wrote your whole story in 3 sentences

Next one have legendary cock belong to white guy and knocked up girlfriend be black

Since you asked in the comments, I will explain my view. Group sex means more than two people have sex. Purists don't count threesomes, but I won't quibble. Since they aren't married, I guess FETISH might be more appropriate a category. The problem with this story is the same that breaks up many relationships that add other people to their sexual fun. Once the festivities started, boyfriend was ignored. She was only concerned with herself and her new cock. The love of her life was forced to get himself off. Needs a part 2 where he realizes the truth and runs for his life. Hopefully before he sees the baby is not his.