All Comments on 'The Tight Virgin Toy'

Firstly you need to proof read.

Secondly you need to try and remember that words like 'sausage' in an erotic story really aren't the kind of words you want to be using.

There's promise there but I think you need to compare and contrast to some of the top-rated stories on here so you can see what is missing in your story.

I seldom trash a first effort as we all have to start somewhere, and there is usually something to build upon. Here I find nothing of value. It is the wet dream of a virgin teenager. The grammar, spelling, and choice of words are juvenile. The description is trite and the story has almost no substance. You have a lot to learn; about writing and about sex!

Any experienced man would know enough to draw out his pleasure if presented a virgin cunt. There are only so many. It will only be virgin once! Taken this way she would be bone dry due to fear, not super wet. The pain would be almost equally shared. Only a total idiot...

Thus, I suggest that you grow up, study writing, learn some rules of grammar and spelling, actually have sex, and perhaps in a decade you might be able to produce something readable.

This ain't it!

Honestly not as bad as the first person was saying, and personal attacks just reflect his juvenile nature so I wouldn't take it to heart. There was definitely promise, although you could focus more on description (the time seemed sort of skewed like way too short) and yes refraining from using words like "sausage" and "chamber of secrets" which border on ridiculousness. Maybe flesh out the story more and explain backstory, foreplay, extend the actual penetration.

As a woman who uses erotica for quick pleasure times, I have a hard time finding good ones that are short, to the point, and still give me enough mental stimulation to get the job done.

I saw the negative reviews and had to comment. This story was rough around the edges, but it worked for me!

I thought the writing was okay, but couldn't take it seriously when you wrote things like 'little virgin cave of wonders', 'little garage for my cock', 'chamber of secrets', 'exploded like a display of fireworks inside'.

Those felt a bit out of context in a story about a cruel, intimidating man dominating a young woman. Maybe those would work better in a story with a dorky guy goofing off to make his girlfriend laugh or in a parody.

Quickly gets to the point. Good read. Please write more xxx

Write more. Amazing story.

Thanks for reviewing! haha i do tend to get way too flowery with stupid metaphor descriptions. I'm usually a writer of goofy fiction, so I think I got a bit distracted at certain parts where I want to go into detail. Tis true. Fortunately, I have no plans on making a hobby on writing smut. I just wanted to see if i was good at it. Lol. Also was interested in seeing people's thoughts on a story that got 'to the point' quickly, as others commented on. And to be honest, I didn't know what should happen after the penetration, so yea I guess it kinda faltered off weirdly.. Anyway, thank you for your feedback. :)

Also wanted to add, that I completely agree with the comment about me being juvenile and needing to learn more about sex and have it before writing about it. But I wanted to try anyway because that is not happening anytime soon.