All Comments on 'The True Master Ch. 05'

A QUESTION, AND A COMMENT.... LAST PARAGRAPH, WHO'S MARCUS ??

THERE IS ONLY ONE REVOLVER THAT I AM AWARE OF THAT HAS

A SAFETY AND IT IS GERMAN.... HAVING SAID THAT, YOU ARE

WRITING THE STORY ABOUT YOUR CARACTORS, CITY, WORLD,etc....

SO IN YOUR WORLD, YOU WRITE ABOUT YOUR WORLD, DON'T

WORRY ABOUT MINE..... ENJOY THE STORY!!!!!! THANK YOU

FOR SHARING.

GUNRUNNER

MAJOR, USMC RET.

I wonder who this Belial guy is. I'm glad he has more dolls to use

.....but this series suffers from shitty editing.

Really. You need help. And above that, you need to put more effort into getting your technicals right.

Sloppy writing, spelling, punctuation...all that when "in the madness" of writing is normal and understandable. Letting it out into the world with little or no effort to repair those errors and issues....is intolerable.

Your submitted work defines you to your audience. How do you want the readers to perceive you? Turn your rough work into polished work and you can do no wrong. Submit rough work, and you are just some other hack with a sleazy story to tell....pulp fiction. It's your call, but I see good stuff here. Why not clean it up and get famous?

I thought the entire premise was horrible, but people have told me to continue and I have. At the moment the plan is publish here to get interest and then clean up and add some extras to justify self publishing. I started this mostly because I was unhappy with the depth of stories in this category, I mean this is all still setup at this point so if people continue to enjoy it the justification to clean it up is there for me.

I do some editing but this is my first venture, I didn't expect the ratings I'm getting. So I will improve

I am enjoying your story and I agree with your comment about the lack of quality stories in this genre. I look forward to your next installment and hope you do not lose interest in this mutlipart story. I have seen other promising authors fall victim to that.

In case you have not noticed, you are writing for a tough crowd. I like your imagination and hope you can keep it up. Last chapter, I did cringe when they revealed themselves in the nightclub, but I can see you needed that for plot development. I am willing to go along for the journey. Best wishes.

I've been reading your story. It's been a great read so far. I hope you continue with it. I wish you all the best.

Man, I thought Belial was going to be the 'common man'! I guess thats good story telling if the reader is trying to guess what is happening! Keep it going dude! Very well done but like what other people are saying double check your work if you are going to publish it!

You need to do some editing, but the storyline is fantastic and the plot equally thrilling and seductive. I really can't wait to read more. Thank you so much for posting this, I'm chomping at the bit to find out what happens next. Also: these may seem like weird questions, but what is your gender, and if I may ask, your stance on this particular kink? I can assume things based on what you've written, but that seems like an ignorant move to me.

Hi, Love the basic story and your take on it. However, the lack of thought placed by your hero and Beth into the ramifications of barging into the enemy's layer, declaring their name, kicking the shit out of someone, leaving, and then not considering that maybe the people would come looking for them gets harder and harder to believe.

Good story but seriously needs editing.... please.

This story, which began well enough, is now spiraling down the drain.

Had a good idea there, but took it to shit. Also, you really need to get these edited before posting them.

That is all

All according to keikaku :Ü™

Good story but I can't stand the "we have to be better than them" cliche. That's such a stupid and idiotic position when you're the underdog facing tyrannical corruption with total authority. In reality you have to be even more ruthless than they are to fight against them. Prime example is Beth wouldn't have been taken and the company would have no leads had they just killed Kent in the club before fleeing that night.

I keep getting distracted by the editing. I'd even be happy to help clean this up and republish.

But...

I love the story and the characters in it. The moral debates (internal and vocal) are fascinating. The story of Kate and the potential for getting into the seductiveness (and danger) of technology is very well done. Altogether, it's a good story, and one that seems to reflect current social debate.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest.