The Undercover Paralegal

"What?"

"Yeah, that's what this was all about."

"Huh?"

"You see Cheryl, some things are easily explained...and some not."

"I object!"

"Sorry, Cheryl. So, ah, here are the facts. Mr. Carrasso would never talk to me. I'm defending his rival, after all. He'd like to see him rot in jail, but he wouldn't testify to do it. That's not his style. And his daughter would never admit to sleeping with Porrello, period. She knows it would kill her father if he knew. I think that's kind of why she did it. And that sex tape. It doesn't exist anymore -- and neither does the informant who saw it."

"Wait, slow down... Murder...? How do you know all of this?"

"It's my job."

"Don't be a smart-ass!"

"Sorry... Well, I grew up around here. I know these people. And I wasn't always a lawyer... Besides, it wasn't murder...just a permanent vacation."

"Oh, that's much better. But I'm still a little confused... What's up with the tapes?"

"You are."

"What?"

"Yeah, they're tapes of your little performance today, although I'm not sure 'little' is the right word."

"Stick to the explaining, please," Cheryl said, noticing his eyes slide downward to her wet chest.

"Well, the house and the pool house was wired. Honestly, I think it's to keep an eye on his daughter."

"His daughter?"

"Ah hum, yeah, she is strictly off-limits. The last guy who even touched her hair got his dick chopped off."

"That's why you guys never... Oh my!"

"Yep, as much as I'd have liked to. Me and every guy in there..."

"So you guys settled for me."

"Oh, there was no 'settling' there, believe me. I wouldn't have gone through all of that just to 'settle.'"

"Gee thanks, I think. But what was this really about then? Did you just want to see me suck cock and get fucked? Or get gang-banged? You surely didn't do this just so you could fuck me... And why did it have to be in the ass? And why the fuck are you laughing?"

"Sorry, but I must say, I enjoyed myself... And I know you'll never admit to liking it, so I won't even ask, but I know you did, too."

"Oh yeah," Cheryl groaned, but deep down, she had a feeling he was right. "So now you have the tapes for proof. Is that it?"

"Sort of."

"Explain."

"Well, I have the tapes, and on our way back to my place I'm going to stop at a trusted friend's house, and he's going to do some editing."

"What's to stop me from destroying the tapes right now?"

"Nothing, go for it, if you want," Jack said, deciding to tell her the whole truth now. "The tapes aren't for me, anyway."

"Oh, yeah, then who?"

Jack chuckled. "The one person who would probably enjoy seeing them the most."

"What, you gunna show'em to our boss?"

"Not even close, although he played his part well. Think again."

"Jack, stop teasing me. I'm tired."

"I'll bet you are...but I hope you have enough energy for some more."

"More?"

"Yeah, back at my place. You know I promised you a threesome."

"Only if we couldn't get her to talk... But...wait...you just said she was off-limits."

"Oh, Carrasso's daughter is, that much is true. But it's not with her."

"Look, who says I'm going to do it anyway? Even though I still don't know what the fuck you are talking about... Lawyers!"

"Oh, I think you will, when you see him -- and her, for that matter."

"Her?"

"You see, truth be told, this isn't even about Carrasso's daughter...you'll soon be eating my girlfriend's pussy."

"Yeah, right! Girlfriend? Wait, I thought you two split." He just smirked. "Fuck you Jack! Don't be fooled by my actions today. I did it 'cause I thought it was, well, something I had to do for the case -- and like I had a choice. But I'm not a whore. I'm not having sex with you and your ugly ho."

Jack laughed. "You didn't think she was ugly when you saw her."

"Yeah, when was that?"

"Today."

Cheryl scrunched her face. "Huh?"

"Yep, you can't tell me she isn't hot -- especially in that Confederate flag bikini."

"But I'm still not having sex with you and her."

"You're right, you're not!"

"What?"

"You're having sex with my girlfriend and the main person behind this whole day: your husband."

"Huh? My husband?"

"Yep."

"Wait a fucking minute!" Cheryl screamed. "If your girlfriend was there... Oh you asshole!" she punched him in the shoulder, and the car swerved.

"Easy, don't get us killed here."

"I can't believe you guys. That wasn't even Carrasso's house was it?"

"Nope, close though, two doors down. Just rented it for the day from that short guy in the slick black suit for the price of one naked woman."

"And the big men?"

"Just some guys I use to play high school ball with. They used to block for me, although we never did anything like THAT in high school."

"Oh, you ass," Cheryl said with another punch. "And here I was thinking..."

"Yeah, all an illusion."

"And the tapes are for my husband aren't they?"

"Now you're getting it. He said he likes to watch. Although, I personally don't get it. I mean, if I had a woman like you, I would keep her all to myself."

"Uh huh, but you will share your woman with us?"

"That part of the plan doesn't really thrill me, just like when my buds threw a curve at me and made ME strip in the foyer... Assholes! That wasn't supposed to happen, but I can't wait to see the tape of your search, if your hubby lets me. And don't get mad at your husband, the three way wasn't really his idea, either. Although he didn't fight it too hard."

"I bet!"

"The idea was Kimberly Ann's...that's my woman's real name. Let's just say...um...she has a thing for three-ways. It'll be her, you, and for the first time another man...your hubby...but it's a one-time deal. That's the only way she would agree to the whole thing, when the three of us talked it over at last year's Christmas party. But she didn't have blonde hair back then."

"So you guys have been planning this for...like six months. Oh, that rat-bastard husband of mine! He even said this morning that he didn't remember you."

"He said that was the hardest part...keeping secrets from you. But now you know."

"Oh my god, even the boss knows!" Cheryl gasped, as she remembered her meeting with Griswald.

"Calm down, he doesn't know shit, as usual," Jack said, with a chuckle. "All I'll tell him is that we went to Carrasso's today... which we did, sort of, and he refused to meet with us...which is what he did when I phoned last week for a meeting."

"But still..." Cheryl whined.

"So this is between the four of us. Oh, and my guys know nothing more than that they were helping fulfill a soccer mom's fantasy. But I think you fulfilled some of theirs as well. A couple of 'em are married, too. So they won't talk."

"God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Yeah, well, that will wear off."

"You sound so sure."

"If your fantasy was, say, to wear a diaper and drink cow's milk right from the cow, while a midget tickled you, THAT you could be embarrassed about."

"Shut up!" Cheryl said, with a giggle.

"Really now... Once in your life, you wanted to know what it was like to be controlled by a group of men. I don't see a problem with that."

"But Jack, I see a small problem," Cheryl said, a small smile forming on her lips.

"What's that?"

"What if I liked it so much that I want to do it again?"

Jack smiled. "Well, all you have to is whistle. Just put your lips together and blow..."

The End

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