All Comments on 'The Unicorn Necklace'

A nice change from the usual btb crap that often gets posted here.

Well done. She met him again after 10 years. What had she been doing for that time? Late 20's and she hadn't met anyone by that time? However, what I took from the story is that cheating is wrong, no matter which partner cheats. 4 stars.

Good story!

5

5⭐ congratulations. Good story.

Betrayal, cheating and lying are not about gender but about the person.

For the past few decades, we have all the freedoms and possibilities to live our lives as we want.

So why be in a monogamous relationship when you want to live your life according to your dick or your pussy?

A good story : mirror image of wife cheating. However, in those stories, wife comes out as a cheating slut. Nothing equivalent came out for John. In confrontation also, in those stories have either an angry husband or cool but determined to take heavy action. In some stories, the bitch is burned, the bastered is ruined.Here the wronged wife does not come out that strong.

If anything puts blinders on a person, it is the feelings associated with love. Unfortunately, seeing someone as we did earlier in life and not as what they matured into being is very common. You have made a decent start in your writing here, good luck in the future.

The scope of the story was good. Her story was believable. thanks

It was lacking some emotions but was well written nonetheless. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

One spouse cheats and the other finds out. Sounds like a report rather than a story.

I know it’s hard to write in this category. Remember you will never please everyone. This was a very good story and I hope you keep writing. 5 Stars

The plot line is solid, although cheating doctors and nurses is as cliche as dishonest cheating lawyers and paralegals. Allie didn’t present as a fool, just a wife who was far too busy to be suspicious. In keeping to minimal words, it didn’t feel like the reader got to know or understand John’s character - he had very little depth. You did a really good job of staying in Allie’s head, telling her story. Staying in the first person kept you from the mistakes common to shifting between characters, very good job there.

Thanks for writing this. Probably one of a very few realistic stories here, and I enjoyed your ending comments. The entitled doctor having fun with the nurses probably happens as often as the beautiful, entitled woman syndrome. The stereotype is a stereotype because it really happens.

I think her confrontation was believable and he revealed himself to be supremely selfish. It turned out to be a revealing story about two very different personalities. Good story!

Nice (but sad) touch with the necklace. This is a well-written, credible story. John screwed up big time. I would bet that he never grows up and that eventually he will succumb to a younger woman who turns out to be a real gold digger.

I linked it. An interesting point of view and refreshing change from the form-letter fill-in-the=blank drivel that is the norm here. Pretty sure 'clang' is what a bell does, not the past tense of 'cling', though.

very well written and believable story. Keep writing and learned. We are all in need of good story telling

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I don't think she will get fooled again. John is an idiot.

The tale left me feeling unfinished. Is there more to come, or is it done?

Story needed some emotion from someone.

You forgot to tie the unicorn necklace in at the end of the story.

While the husband was wrong in committing adultery, the wife was wrong in her perception of sex. Since the children are old enough to have homework, they can be left unattended for long enough to have sex, especially a “quickie”. It shouldn’t matter what time of day, or day of week. Also, it sounds like she’s grudgingly willing at bedtime, but not eager or enthusiastic. Yet she thinks she’s all that sexually!

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This is a pretty good representation of s woman who has forgotten that her role as wife is more important than her role as mother. She’s also forgotten the joy of having sex be happy and playful, like it hopefully was when they first married.

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Many women have the idea that they’re no longer sexual beings once the kids come along. This leads to misery!

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ZK

Good story. I'm a man. I would guess that men cheat more often. I appreciate the perspective. My college girlfriend could have married me, but she loved another. She put him through med school, and became ob/gyn, After 15 years he decided Gay was the way, cheated, and left her with the kids.

Thanks for sharing...

I thought it was a good honest, realistic attempt at trying to describe "falling out of love" Although, it would appear to me that the MC had already done that before the "Revelation" of the affair's thus justifying divorce.

Huh?

At least she divorced him she shoukd have clean him out. I hate cheaters.

A solid four stars.

JPB NOT BOB

You call that a story?

Story about a stupid woman too dumb to see a guy is a piece of shit. She made a mess of her life by staying with him all the time and the reader is supposed to feel sorry for her or her kids? Nope, if she is that pathetic she got what she deserved. BTW she did't "clang" she "clung."

Ending was a bit abrupt. Not much new ground. Ive seen cheating husband stories and yes, they are uncommon so kudos there.

You write well. the only typo that was obvious was 'clang'. Not so many that the story was ruined. Typos happen.

I look forward to your next story. I suggest a 14K word story. You have the ability.

You did well.

Dialogue was stilted and unnatural. Other than that, it was an OK story.

3 stars - for an average BTB story - nothing new or unique.

This is a really solid, good story, 5* from me.

The introductory dialog could have been a bit longer, but overall a good start. I have two small criticisms:

- After the introductory dialog ended, it was not immediately obvious to me, who was talking, who was the person telling the story.

- Especially towards the end, the MC was too calm, too composed for my tastes. A bit more drama perhaps?

OTAH, calmly giving back the necklace, which was a symbol of their relationship, was a very strong gesture. I liked it.

To the author, in response to his/her comments,

First, of course there is a huge imbalance in who cheats in these stories because it is called (sarcastically or not) "loving wives". not "loving husbands". Second, in reality, the courts do tend to screw over husbands even when the wife is loathsome using the tired "best interest of the children" excuse. Point in reality: I once overheard the wife of a friend of mine telling another woman to hold off on the divorce she was planning (due to no fault of the husband's) until they had been married 10 years because the courts would give her much more!! So, there is an entire swath, if not all, of the female population that knows this, and the added fact that unless the wife is a drug-addled felonious prostitute, she will probably get at least joint legal custody and primary physical custody of their kids which she will keep from him, to behave badly in marriage, even to the point, as is mentioned many times in these stories, of extorting the husband with these facts. So that pedestal we like to put wife on in our mind's eye, is in reality more akin to a public toilet. In this regard, a girl I dated as a youngster once told me when I ran into her many years and (her) three divorces later, that she thought that around 3/4 of the women she knew (primarily from work) cheated. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if the number of women who have cheated at least once on a husband or boyfriend was at least 50% So much for the "20%" number the media likes to feed us. This is simply women trying lie (even to themselves) to avoid a "slut" image and avoid suspicion. So at the end of the day in the western world, if the husband cheats, the wife has many options. But if the wife cheats, many times the only option for the husband is to pull the pin on a grenade he knows he can't let go of. As a result, sites like this exist.

Good story. So sad her lifelong ‘friend’ had to wander.

This was very good. A bit too heavy on narrative early on, but you redeemed yourself with some great dialog in the confrontation scene.

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It was refreshing in a way to too the same old trope with reversed roles with the guy going thru the cheater’s handbook. The character John in this one was as stupid as many of the cheating females in so many other stories. The emotion you elicited from this reader about the wife was one of sadness that she put up with this asshole so long. Hopefully she finds true love sooner rather than later.

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4 strong ****

Good story. If I can offer one critique, it's that the dialogue between the characters is somewhat mechanical and entirely too "proper". More contractions to make the dialogue more realistic.

Except for switching the husband-wife roles it’s your standard cheater formula story. Simply another cliche filled exercise.

The author is correct. The dialogue was stiff, boring, and unrealistic. The fault lies with another author relying far too much on their Grammarly account.

The author also spent FAR too much time on background. More than half the story was setup. And most of that had little bearing on the plot line.

The author’s comments at end of story are interesting. He/she violated a basic rule. NEVER apologize for your writing up front. If you didn’t like it, why submit it at all? You’re insulting your readers. On the other hand, it does show they are at least thinking about how to improve. 2*

Very good story and nicely written. Enjoyable to read. Good job

OCD just kicks in. You were informed the cake was lopsided.

What did you do???

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Be encouraged. Your writing and pacing were great! Some authors here have a wronged spouse go back and forth over what to do for what seems like forever, and it gets boring. You kept the story moving. Thanks.

Very nicely done! I love the perspective and think you definitely achieved your goals!

It's a good story, but a bit flat. It lacks the emotion that these stories need to deliver a real impact. She completely ignored that he did take something away from her, with that thing being time spent with her. Likewise, the kids suffered from his absence and yet she said nothing. She should have gotten angry at those claims and called him out, but apparently she had already hit the Valium.

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I would also suggest rewriting the opening. The way it's written is rather ambiguous about who is the main character. I guessed wrong, which made the story a bit confusing until I read enough to figure out my mistake and start over. (Yes, it's in the tags, but I don't always remember to check the tags before reading and some people never do.)

You are correct in saying that the preponderance of Loving Wives stories feature cheating wives as opposed to cheating husbands. I suppose that is due to the name of the category. Although, if this were the case it should more appropriately be named "Loving Cuckolds." But what do I know? I'm merely an anonymous reader. Or not.

Enjoyed your take on a narcissist husband. That he should be a doctor is disturbingly appropriate. I found this sad chapter to be lifelike in the implementation and the telling. I have lost count of the real life vignettes reflected in your story. 5

Nice job, you're right not many stories from the cheated on wives point of view. Hope to see more. 5*

Good story. You have nothing to apologize for. As an earlier commentator suggested, use contractions in dialogue; people don't speak as formally as you have written. Perhaps read the dialogue out loud (or, better, have someone else read it to you).

Good story. A little more drama wouldn’t hurt.

I didn’t bother to read the story after reading the disclaimer, “there is no sex in this story.” Most come to literotica to read about others sex life or their fantasy sex life. No one read Penthouse Forum for the latest sports scores. Same here!

You did a pretty good job of self analyzing yourself, so I’ll only mention one thing that may help. Your story is almost 95% narrative driven. Even great writers will struggle to pull the reader into their world through all narrative. It’s the dialogue that helps us relate to the characters. Set the scene using narrative then execute it via dialogue. I do like a story where the husband is the villain from time to time, so good job there. 3.5*

I think you managed the female pov aspect well. Overall, it was a bit bland and procedural, but still pretty good. My one big complaint is the dialog. There a lot of parts where you dont use contractions at all, and it doesn’t feel natural. If i can make a suggestion, when writing dialog, actually speak it out loud to yourself. It’ll highlight sections that feel off, and it even helps with pacing so you can feel if your dialog is too heavy.

Here’s a common miss consistent over most of the LW stories, this one included. The cheater often says some version of how the affair had no impact on you. The cheated upon spouse then talks about the wedding vows and the lies, sometimes they even bring up diseases. Rarely do they respond to the absurd “noimpact” claim.…even though the story intro often talks about feelings of loneliness and isolation. The cheated upon never mentions that the cheating stole time that should have been parent time or spouse time. A line like “what do you mean, this took nothing from me. You’re never here for the kids, never here to give me a break or do any chores, and you’re not even a reliable companion, much less my best friend. Now that I know why you’re never here, we can just add lying to your long list of spouse shortcomings.”

A good story and a change to hear it from the wife of a cheater. I think the preponderance of Cheating Wives in this genre is mainly down to the fact that most authors are male.

Very good story. I like to see cheating spouses, male or female, outed and burned. John deserved much worse than he got. I enjoyed it.

It was a good read, I could empathize with the MC. Especially when reality smack those rose tinted glasses from your eyes, and you see your partner for what they really are.

Don’t like cheaters either way good story of female perspective

@i122 - Actually, a lot of readers, especially in Loving Wives, are looking for the marital/sexual drama more than the sex itself. Part of it presumably comes from the "lit" in literotica but the site seems to be more about erotic literature than stroke stories. Sure, they are arousing but if the wife is away and I just want to stroke one out, I have other sites for that...

First and foremost, thanks so much for the story!

As for constructive criticism, I think most of it has been said. The story was a little bland, but I think that stemmed as much from the first person viewpoint as anything. The ending itself kind of trail off, IMO. The necklace was a constant through the story, so one thing that would’ve helped was her handing it back to John damaged beyond repair. The necklace could symbolize the relationship, and this time it’s too far gone. But as you say, you’re still finding your voice. Thanks again for the submission.

eh

the problem with the woman cheating on men story is 99/99% of the time men want more sex anyway so there is no reason for a woman to cheat just to get sex

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so the inverse doesn't work, if a woman constantly refuses sex (or at the very least makes a passive aggressive show of how mush she loathes doing her marital duty) why would she care than a man gets it elsewhere out side of her sadistic need to control every aspect of his life?

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given their mismatched libidos they never should have gotten married, especially since little miss prim and proper and waiting for married fucked a guy 5 days after dumping a boy willing to wait for sex with her becuase he found someone willing to give him what she refused

How sad. I know life-long dreams are shattered every day, but it's still sad. She probably still has the little plushie unicorn.

I definitely recommend a beta reader.

Blackrandle1958 is always ready with helpful advice 😠.

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AMerryman

It was a good if well worn plot idea, and decently executed. Easy to say the wife should have been more wary given their history, but you made it plausible if not very intelligent. Thanks for the effort.

A very realistic and believable story from the perspective of the wronged spouse , the wife in this case . Interesting and engrossing . Well done

I've noticed the same regarding the stories always seem to be about a cheating wife and not a wife cheated on by her husband.

You did an excellent job of keeping with that path and really nothing was over the top . No threats, No actions of vengeance. In my opinion the path of vengeance is a waste of words. Life move forward whether we are ready or not. IF we do not get on board of the reality of things we get what we deserve in terms of bitterness. Bitterness is not the goal. Survival is the goal. Your story displayed no vengeance, bitterness or threats. Divorces are framed pretty much to allow the participants to make it as easy or as hard as they feel they can get away with. Your life has a lot of great memories and while there were good and not so good memories the reality of life displays those various kinds of memories. You've had a tuff time and you have had very great times. You work in an environment that affords you an opportunity to not only teach young kids you also educate them to realities they may encounter some time in their lives. You appear to be a good role model and you appear to be able to demonstrate that with your spoken actions you have taken. You deserve the same good your x tries to say he is entitled to deserve his wide playing field. Marriage allows two loving people the opportunity to prosper and grow. I do not believe that marriage is a platform where one spouse is owed more then the other. Your obvious tender heart is clearly displayed in your story. Any reader of this story can clearly see that you are a great example of a partner who is owed the same amount of physical and emotional love that you provide.

You did good. 5 stars from Xluckylee

Good job, I enjoyed your view point of this story. I had given up that any writer on this site would ever write a story with this plot line, and a female MC. Thanks for thinking outside of the box. KS

This category is about loving wives people, that's why you don't see a cheating husband usually (unless it's the guy fucking the cheating wife). The cheating husbands are usually found in erotic couplings or other more specific categories. Maybe it's me, but cheating husband's just don't have the same emotional impact.

It really was a Loving wife MC.

Glad to see John didn't get top keep her as part of his harem.