All Comments on 'The Vampire's Sex Slave Pt. 01'

Looks like we have a new Hall of Fame story here ! So surprised when I clicked on this , and how intriguing it was. Oh man I'm already hooked . Great start Bravo! Can't wait for next chapter <3

More soon! Very soon!

More pleeeaaassseee!!!!

Your story has great potential but on the first page I noticed that you used "sell" instead of "cell." Please have someone read this with you and help you correct mistakes like this; they drag down the story and make it really unpleasant to read.

great start, i agree with others there are a few spelling mistakes but nothing detracted for me from your spellbinding story im looking forward to a lot more hopefully you can make this a lot of chapters xxxx soon please xxx best story to come on here for a while

You really should get an editor for some grammar and spelling issues, but it is a good story that kept me reading nonetheless. Looking forward to the next part.

Callie

This is a really interesting premise. I'm excited to read more.

This story has potential, but the numerous errors make it difficult to read. It should be "can't bear it," not "can't bare it." Bare = naked. He should be "taut" not "taught." And many, many more errors. Please get an editor. This was almost unreadable.

Thankyou so much for the comments. I will definately try to improve my spelling errors and grammer in the next chapter but as this is my very first story on here and I wasn't sure if one person would even be interested in reading it, I decided not to get an editor involved unless people responded well to my story. I appreciate all the comments and I'm aware of the grammer and spelling errors so if those mistakes make it too hard for you to read it then it's probably best you don't read on but if you can look past the errors and judge the story I hope you enjoy it!

Please give us a new chapter soon. I really enjoyed the story and would love to see the characters continue to develop.

all over the place. I can't take this seriously.

I think you have a great story. So much room to expand and develop the story, I cannot wait to read more. Thank you for a great start. You are doing a great job.

I thought it was an amazingly well written story. It wasn't a brutal non con story which to me made it very erotic the way it all played out. I hope you continue this story!

The spelling and grammar are getting in your way. You have the talent and imagination, but the language is your tool. You have to learn to use it. A carpenter may visualize great things, but he must be skilled with his tools if he wants to create them. In the meantime get somebody who really knows grammar to proof your work. Keep writing. That's how you get better.

Thank you so much for all the constructive criticism. I know there are quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes so if you think that that detracts too much from the story for you I don't mind if you don't read it. For everyone who's enjoying the story for what it is I am so grateful for your support and if you want me too, I will continue to release the next chapter. Love the support from all you amazing literotica readers

I really liked it. Kind of an interesting twist as in this case neither Val nor Emma are consenting. He seems like a pretty good guy considering he's a vampire rapist and all. You definitely have a lot of room here to grow a story. Thanks for sharing.

I'm already loving the storyline! It's not one of those typical vampire plot lines that I was expecting at first. There are a few grammar mistakes but over looking that, everything else is just amazing.

Keep up the great work! I'm already eager for the next chapter :D

Can't wait for part two! !! ♡

Please upload part 2 soon !

Thankyou so much for the positive feedback on this story. I originally put this story up so I could receive feedback on this book and i'm so happy people are enjoying reading the first chapter. I will be more than happy to put chapter 2 up as soon as I can.

P.S please don't forget to check out my bio for more info on my stories if you enjoyed this one.

This was amazing keep it up can't wait for part two ❤

Thank you so much for all the feedback. I will be posting part two up of this story in the next couple of weeks. If you want to find out what happens straight away then please feel free to search for the full story of The Vampire's Slave by Lily Anderson online. I love writing erotica and it means so much that you guys are enjoying this story! X

Intrigued to read more, the right mix of character build and explicit details. Hot! Love to read the next one and hope there will continue to be more!

I liked your story a lot. Nice plot, good characters. Your writing is good, except for misspelled/misused words. If you continue writing you need a proof reader, not just spell check. One example is: It's cell, not sell, and several others throughout. Thanks for writing!

Overall I thought it was good and will keep reading. The only thing I struggle with is the exclamation points. I'm not a big fan of them, but it is your writing so do what you want. I am a little confused why they keep saying that she has to choose and it will seal her fate. Obviously, if she doesn't do what they want then they will kill her.... So it's not like she loses the choice of death at any point.

Yes! Great story

This has the makings of a great story. Please have someone proof your submissions for grammar, flow and spelling.

Thank you for this story. I felt sympathy for this vampire called Val. Can't wait for more eroticism from you.-Alicia-

they're both really good well fleshed out characters and you can honestly feel vals guilt as he's forced to rape emma. i suspect this'll end up as stockholm sydrome or something in the end with emma understanding val

Good story keep up the good work I love Val’s character and the depth you put into him .

I like the concept, the characters, and the plot. However, the pacing and a LOT of the grammar could use some work. You're such a novice writer that I have trouble believing you're even 18. Honestly, I can relate to how it must be, to have all those ideas in your head and to feel like you're doing it right cause you use descriptive imagery and stuff; I was like that myself, after all. I'm not gonna go on a tangent; main point is, you have potential, but you need to study a heck of a lot more if you want your writing to sound professional. Sounds like a 13 year old's fantasies when you write like you do. Keep at it though! Like I said, you definitely have a lot of potential; just from your writing you seem to have the drive and the creativity to write some damn good stories if you study more.

Loved it Lily! 90% of readers go for content and your content was great! Pay no attention to the crappy "Anonymous" comments as I assume they're anal. Read some of mine to see ass's chastising me and laugh! Keep it up!

Jack

Many years ago, I read on Literotica a story about a virgin being thrown into a dark cell with an old vampire. The vampire was trapped there by humans. He was supposed to drink the girl but instead recognizes her as his mate and chooses to spare her life instead. Then the girl helps him escape by memorizing the musical notes of the security door code. You have plot holes. You keep saying that all women choose death first (unlikely but ok) but we keep finding out that Val has had numerous sexual partners. Also, why would Alex and his men fuck them if they are specifically there to get pregnant by Val? Do you understand how pregnancy works? Why would he need the gratuitous beating? Why do you need the ridiculous mind-control bracelet as a plot device? The other story was written in a superb way, yours is an inexperienced, badly written copy. All great writers start from somewhere. Start by writing about something you know, not retelling another's tale.

Darling, ignore the the asshat who didnt even have the god damn balls to leave a name -

Stories are meant to evoke, to entice, to enchant - remember the stories our grandmothers used to tell us? They werent always original, they didnt always make sense - but the left us wanting to hear more. And you honey, have certainly done that. Thank you Lily xxx

Darling, ignore the the asshat who didnt even have the god damn balls to leave a name -

Stories are meant to evoke, to entice, to enchant - remember the stories our grandmothers used to tell us? They werent always original, they didnt always make sense - but the left us wanting to hear more. And you honey, have certainly done that. Thank you Lily xxx