All Comments on 'The Virgin'

Off to a great start

please continue

more please, doing good

Why??? Why did you stop there??? That's just plain cruel!!! PLEASE write part 2!!!!

This has the making of a really great story.

I was so tuned into it and was disappointed when it ended

Please continue.

I especially liked the way that you described every detail.

Brovo

Great story.

One request.. please keep the 'time focus' the same for the whole story. At the beginning, you were telling a story about what happened. Eg, "I felt her melt into my arms'. Then you changed the time focus to Now. 'I kiss her lips softly''. It's actually a tad jarring to move between time focus in that way, because the feel of the story changes. Suddenly it's not a memory, it's what's happening now.

So if you're going to tell a story of what happened, keep things as "Felt'. If it's a live Now story, keep it all as "Feel''. Please and thanks :-)

Otherwise, quite delish!!

Very good start! You are a great writer but please write another chapter with an ending!