The Way It Should Have Been

Easier and harder.

Dragging my stuff in I see Lita just stand there like she's seen a ghost. Turning to see what she's looking at my heart stops.

A bed...

As in singular...

As in only one...

This was a joke! Somewhere someone is laughing at me and when I find out who did this their going to pay! I stand there for awhile, my mind filling with thoughts of vengeance upon the person who inflicted this on me, but eventually I decide I'm just going to have to make the best of the situation. Myself and Lita have been standing here for what seemed like hours. Panicking, I did the only thing I could think of doing.

Slowly I make my way to the bed and begin to unpack. Eventually Lita started to do the same when I stopped her.

"What are you doing?"

"... what is it looked like? I'm unpacking." Lita said, looking confused.

"You're not sleeping with me!" I mentally cringe at that poor choice of words, "I mean you're not sleeping here. Go and sleep on the couch!"

"You go sleep on the couch!"

"Why should I, I got to the bed first." I hated to stoop to such childish tactics but the circumstances left me no choice.

"Oh that's so childish." Lita said, stating the obvious.

There was silence between us as I continue to unpack with my back to her. I didn't want to look at her but I could feel her eyes on me. There's a way she looks at me that always makes me feel vulnerable... naked... I mean naked in the sense that she can see right through me... I mean... she gets inside my head. I don't know how but she does. Luckily I'm an expert at hiding it.

Her voice awakes me for my thoughts. I couldn't possibly have heard her right.

"What?"

"I said it's a big bed and there's plenty of room."

"No!" I said turning to face her again, finally meeting her eye.

"Trish, don't be selfish." Lita said, our eyes locked in combat, "I'll stay on the right side, you on the left and I'll find somewhere else to stay in the morning."

There was silence between us again.

I was desperately searching for a good reason to reject the solution but I could find none. My only other option was to sleep on the floor or on the couch and I wasn't willing to consider that. The couch looked hard as a rock, and the floor looked harder.

"Come on, Trish." Lita said, giving a half smile, "I don't bite."

I felt sick to my stomach. I can't believe she's making jokes. I'm in mental agony and she is making jokes. Once again she proves that she doesn't give a damn about me and my feelings. I want to slap her but I'm tired and I just don't want to deal with this any more. I just want to get this over with.

Gritting my teeth and hating myself for not being able to find a way out of this nightmarish situation, I finally say, "... Fine..."

I reached down and pulled out my huge extra large T-shirt which I wore when I sleep. I suddenly wish I had brought myself something even more hideous, and more constricting to wear. I grabbed it and my bathroom bag and walked over to the bathroom. "... But your not going to see me naked!"

"What I mean Trish? I've seen you naked thousands of times in the showers?"

I barely hear her voice as I slammed the door to the bathroom close but the words cut through me like a knife. My mind wanders back to the women's shower rooms. Day after day, month after month, year after year of being surrounded by naked women... of being surrounded by naked Lita... oh god Trish get a grip!

Looking straight ahead of me I find I'm in for another horrible surprise.

There is no bath. How can there be no bath? I can't go a day without a bath. I hate showers, they remind me of...

"Trish, are you ok in there?" Lita's muffled voice comes through the door.

"I'm fine!" I yell out, quickly changing and deciding not to bother with a shower, my heart racing at a mile a minute as I wander how I'm going to survive this night.

Lita's POV

I sense Trish's presents very close to me however i don't move around or turn to see where she is I just know she is there and I am sure that she has seen the same thing I have been staring at for the past god knows how long.

I slowly turn my attention from the double but still single bed to the couch wondering if maybe I can sleep on that but my hopes of avoiding an event worse situation than the one I am already in die almost the moment I see the most uncomfortable looking couch I have ever seen.

"There's no way in hell I'm sleeping on that."

I tell myself mentally.

At that moment I watch Trish as she walks around me and heads over to the bed and begins to unpack.

"Oh no your not."

I mentally say to myself as i walk over to the other side of the bed and begin to start unpacking my stuff.

"What are you doing?"

I hear Trish say.

I lift my head up and look at her.

"What's it looked like? I'm unpacking."

I tell her.

"You're not sleeping with me!"

Trish snaps.

I keep looking at Trish and do my best to stop myself from imagining what that would be like even though I have imagined it countless times before.

"I mean you're not sleeping here. Go and sleep on the couch!"

Trish then says.

"You go sleep on the couch!"

I snap back unable to believe that she actually expected me to let her get the bed without so much as a fight.

"Why should I, I got to the bed first."

Trish says.

I look at her for a moment remembering a time when she would have said that and it would have been a joke however I can tell from the look on Trish's face that she isn't joking and yet at the same time she knows how stupid what she has just said is.

"Oh that's so childish."

I say unable to stop myself from stating the obvious.

Back in the good old days both me and Trish would have burst out laughing due to us having always tried to out do one and other until it got to the point where one of us would say something stupid like what Trish just said and then the other would try and top it and we'd both end up in hysterics however it's plain to see from the look on Trish's face that the good old days are exacterly that.

I continue to watch Trish as she continues to unpack with her back now to me and as I watch her I can't help but go back to the day after Wrestlemania 20 when Trish turned on me without provocation without reason without so much as an explanation she just turned on me and seemed to take great personal pride and pleasure in verbally and physically hurting me and her doing that caused me to get to the point where I took great personal pride in verbally hurting her but worse than that I really enjoyed it when I physically hurt her and yet despite how much pleasure I took in whatever I did at the time afterwards I would always regret it and always wonder why I did it and why or how me and her got to where we are now.

I slowly hang my head and look at the double bed and slowly close my eyes knowing that I am going to regret saying that and yet feeling the need to.

"We could both sleep in it."

I say lifting my head to look at Trish again.

"What?"

"I said it's a big bed and there's plenty of room."

I say changing my words to explain what I mean or meant by "We could both sleep in it." Just so that Trish doesn't get the wrong idea or impression.

"No!"

Trish snaps turning to face me.

"Trish, don't be selfish."

I say back not exacterly sure what else to say as I stare at her.

"I'll stay on the right side, you on the left and I'll find somewhere else to stay in the morning."

I add not really wanting to show any sign of me surrendering or giving in to her.

I wait patiently for Trish's response/answer.

"Oh come on, Trish."

I say deciding to try and lighten the mood between us.

"I don't bite."

I add with a small smile.

"Fine."

Trish says after a few more minutes of silence.

I smile a bigger smile as I nod my head to show that we have an agreement as I watch Trish as she get's a huge extra large T-shirt from one of her two cases and then grabs her wash bag heads for the bathroom and as she does I turn my attention to my own things.

"But your not going to see me naked!"

I then hear Trish say which causes me to turn my attention back to her.

"What?"

I ask her confused.

"Trish, I've seen you naked thousands of times in the showers?"

I add referring to when her and me where in the women's locker rooms getting changed either into or out of our wrestling attire.

Trish simply turn around opens the bathroom door walks in and slams the door shut behind her.

I slowly go back to what I was doing before and once my stuff is taken care of I get my IPod out lay on my side of the bed with my back against the headboard put my head phones on and am about to click on my I-Pod when I notice that there is no noise coming from the bathroom. No sound of running water no nothing.

"Trish, are you ok in there?"

I call out unable to hide my concern that something maybe wrong.

"I'm fine!"

I hear Trish snap back which makes me immediately regret worrying about her.

I decide to simply ignore Trish and listen to my favourite tunes and so I switch on my I-Pod however the first song that comes on doesn't help me to forget about the women in the next room due to it being her WWE Original's song "I Just Want you."

The song starts off with Trish leaving a message on an answer machine.

"Hi. Sorry to call so late, I was just, I was missing you and I just wanted to talk.

Maybe we can talk tomorrow."

An then the song which she sings kicks in.

"Make up your mind, Don't you want me, Like I, I want to feel that, Touch, That haunts me, Every night,

It felt so right."

At this point I slowly close my eyes as I listen to the song and enjoy the sound of Trish's voice.

"I just want you, You know I, I just want you, There's no hiding, I just want you, Do you want me?

So far away, (Echo:So Far away) Another night alone, Another day, (Echo: Another day) Another telephone call home

But one day, I'm gonna find a way to Make you stay, (Echo: Make you stay) In my arms, Till everafter comes.

You are the one.

I just want you, There's no denying, I just want you, There's no hiding, I just want you, Do you want me?

Got a fellin, that it`s time, To make a change.

Got a feelin` That things, Can`t stay the same, I feel my heart, Losing control.

Oooooohhhhhh

Oooooohhhhhh.

Don't you want me too?

I just want you, You know I, I just want you, I just want you, Do you want me?

Oh-ah.

I just want you, You know I, I just want you, I just want you, Do you want me?

Oh how i want you.

I just want you, I just want you, (Echo: Don't you want me too?) I just want you, Do you want me?"

An with that the song ends with Trish finishing her answer machine message.

"Well sorry to call so late. I was just missing you."

An with that I press stop on the I-Pod and take my headphones off just as I hear the door to the bathroom open and out walks Trish wearing her night clothes.

Trish's POV

"The bathroom's free." I muttered softly as I walk around to my side of the bed, avoiding her eye.

I wait until she gets off the bed before I get on it. I can feel her eyes on me again but I don't look her way. When I hear the bathroom door close I sit there for awhile alone in my thoughts. I tried to stop thinking about the redhead in the other room but she made it impossible for me when I heard the sound of running water and the image of a wet, naked Lita dominates my thoughts. Desperately trying to take my mind off her I reach into my bag to take out my book.

After reading the same sentence for the 15th time I accept the fact that this isn't working. Then I hear the bathroom door open again. I swear that happened only a moment ago. I turn my hand to look at the cheap bedside clock. It's been half an hour since she went in there. How did so much time fly past me? I know the answer to that question of course. It's so easy for me to become lost in thinking about her.

Feeling her presents near me I turn to look at her and my mouth dropped open.

What she's wearing would make a hooker blush. Long thigh high stockings, a garter belt, a bra that barely covered her nipples, let alone her breasts and the world's smallest thong.

Seeing me stare at her Lita says, "Edge used to insist I wear this kind of stuff to bed all the time. I guess now were broken up I could stop wearing this stuff, but I got so used to it now I just can't sleep in a T-shirt. And besides, he threw everything else I had to sleep in away."

Silence falls between us again and I'm suddenly aware that she's been standing for a while and I haven't stopped staring at her. I swear there's probably drool coming out of my mouth.

In a desperate attempts to cover my tracks I turn my head away, pull a disgusted look on my face and whisper the word "Slut." loud enough so we both know I meant for her to hear it.

She simply got into bed next to me and in the loud whisper said "Prude." and then stifled a small laugh.

That laughter cuts through me like a knife. I've been hearing that laugh in my head for years now and it haunts my every waking hour.

I turn over, turned out the light and try and go to sleep. I was expecting to a protest from Lita but she said nothing.

I lay there for what felt like an eternity, un-able to sleep. For a long time all I could hear was her soft breathing. Risking a glance behind me I see she has her back to me also, but she isn't asleep yet, I can see her fidgeting, trying to get comfortable in this far from soft bed.

There are a thousand things I want to ask her and a million things I want to say to her but at the same time I don't want to say anything because I'm so afraid of what she'll say back.

Finally, unable to cope with this endless silence I say, "So, when did you an Edge break-up?"

The words just kind of fell out of my mouth. I didn't really think about them. In all honesty I didn't really care about Edge and always thought she was too good for him... not that I cared.

"Shortly after I left the WWE."

More silence.

"I ended it if you're interested..."

More silence.

"I never really loved him... and I know he never really loved me... that wasn't the point of our relationship."

More silence.

"... what was the point of your relationship?" I finally asked.

"... fun..." she said.

I could feel her smile in the darkness and it sickened me. I mean the way he treated her...

"And to punish myself." she said quietly.

This makes me turn over to look at her.

"What do you mean punish yourself?"

My eyes have adjusted to the darkness to the point where I can just about see her. She's looking right at me, and once again I feel those eyes staring a hole through me.

"For what I did to Matt..." she said, pausing for a moment before continuing, "I didn't love him either... he was my best friend... and he loved me... and for a while that was enough... but at some point I grew tired of it... I try to make it work with him... but he wasn't the one I loved and being with him just made me feel guilty... then with Edge... with him I didn't feel guilty... but I didn't feel satisfied either... but the abuse I got from him and the fans made me feel... I don't know... better... but now it's out of my system and I feel better about myself... I've finally accepted that I can't have what I want... I can't have love in my life and that's fine... I tried to love Matt and I failed... I try to love others, even Edge at one point, but I've never truly been in love with any of them... I've never truly been in love with a man... and the... person I love will never love me back and for the first time in my life I feel like I can truly accept this and move on... I'm finally over it and write now I'm as happy as I think I will ever be..."

Her words sent me on a roller coaster of emotions. Hatred, discussed, jealousy, fear, and something else which I don't want to even give a name in my head. I want to jump up and run right now but at the same time I want to stay.

There is something she wants to say which she isn't saying. I can feel it. I'm not sure I want to hear it but I can't move, my body feels like it's glued to the rock hard bed.

Finally she speaks again, "... So what about you... the last time we had a conversation which was even slightly friendly you were in love with Chris Jericho but you didn't feel you could forgive him for breaking your heart. What happened with that?"

My mood turns cold and I turn over again. I don't want to even look at her right now. How dare she say that to me?

"... It's just that a few days after that conversation you turned on him and aligned yourself with Christian and all of a sudden you won't return my calls and you start going out of your way to cause me physical and mental pain. And the moment I try and ask you about it you either slap me or yell at me. What was that about Trish? Why did you do that?

There is anger and pain in her voice but I still don't turn around. I can feel the tears running out of my eyes as she forces me to remember how this began... how we became... this. She is doing this on purpose... she is slowly building up to the point where she broke me... to the point where she destroyed everything I was and left me a hollow shell of a woman... and I bet she's enjoying it... she's enjoying my pain... my suffering... god why does it have to be this way between us...

"Why Trish?" Lita's now demanding voice broke me from my thoughts, "Why did you turn on me?"

She sounded so sincere, so hurt, acting like she is the victim in all of this... god she's such an underrated actress.

Finally having enough I snap.

Turning to face her and yell, "You know why!"

"No I don't," she snaps back, "that's why I'm trying to find out? Everything was great between us and then you start acting like an enormous bitch when I didn't do anything!"

She! Didn't! Do! Anything! What the hell does she mean she didn't do anything? This is all her fault and I'm not going to let her try and blame me for this!

Jumping up, I turn on the light so I can see her face as I yell at her, "You didn't do anything! You didn't do anything?You did everything! You're the reason this happened! You're the reason I've spent the last few years in hell! You made my life miserable and you don't even care!"

She is on her feet now, looking like she is about to engage in a several hour no DQ Ironman match with me. "I made your life miserable? How did I make your life miserable?"

"You made my life miserable when you kissed me!"

The silence that fell between us was deafening.

I hadn't meant to say it, but I did, and now I can't take it back.

Her reaction was not what I expected. I expected her to finally reveal her true colours and start taunting me, calling me a dirty little dyke until I cried... but she didn't... she just stood there for an eternity before she finally spoke up.

"Trish... I've never kissed you..."

"Believe me you have."

"Believe me Trish... I'd remember kissing you..."

For the second time in my life Lita brings my world, everything I thought I knew crashing down around me.

She could never lie to me, I could always tell when she was lying and when she was telling the truth and right now she is telling the truth... she had forgotten... she had forgotten it all which only made it worse!

As if I was trapped in some kind of trance I just started talking...

"... The night before wrestlemania I came to you in your hotel room. I was worried about what I was going to do about Jericho... and I wanted to tell you about how Christian had been trying to get me to turn on Chris... but when I found you... you were blind drunk. I told you my problems anyway and you just stared at me for an eternity and then you kissed me... and... and... I didn't stop you... I didn't want to stop you... you're lips were so... soft... and it all felt so... right... and you pushed me down onto the bed... kissed me again... and then you told me... that you loved me... and then... and then... and then you laughed in my face like it was some kind of joke to you... like I was some kind of joke to you... and then you passed out on top of me..."