All Comments on 'The "Wedding" Pt. 02'

Only one thing I'm sure others will pick up on in the first chapter you said that the father was deceased but in chapter two you mentioned that he would never rest until they were found. So therefore I only ask that you proof read your story or try and find someone who can edit your stories. Other than that good luck with your writing.

Great story, but why the formal language?

Looking forward to more of this story.

clearedtofuck, it's a habit unfortunately

A great step-up from chapter 1, now I'm actually looking forward to more!

Sorry to be a stickler, but in the first chapter you said the dad is deceased now he's out looking for them? Hmmm.... Other than that I really enjoyed it.

Hope you read and take this comment seriously if you are going to base your entire series on a topic such as survival, do some research before using it. Per example the survival skills of the brother start rustic, then turn amazing and just down right stupid at times. Understand this story and all stories on this site are about sex, but the back story is just as important. If it is inconsistent, unrealistic and blotchy then it makes it hard for the reader to get into the story line to enjoy the other parts.

The dialogue in this story has to be the most contrived and phony sounding of anything I have ever read before. And I do mean ever..

Chapter 1

"On this day, since our father was deceased, I asked my sister if she would fly with me instead of taking a boat."

Chapter 2

"They're out looking for us and you know it. Dad's not going to rest till we're found."

So because they crashed their father comes back from the dead to look for them?

interesting story. AAAA+++