The Wheels on the Bus

She stood up then said, "Oh. I remember you saying tomorrow is your birthday, so in case I'm not here to wish you happy birthday, I'll do that now."

Jessica thanked her just as the door opened, and Harriet said, "Use your birthday wish wisely, dear!"

She smiled then said, "Sometimes they do come true!"

"You are just the sweetest thing ever!" Jessica said sincerely. "And thank you for the birthday wishes!"

Harriet smiled then carefully made her way down the steps leaving Jessica sitting there feeling both happy and sad because of the things Harriet had just said. It was reassuring to hear another person tell her it wasn't too late—that there was still hope—but it was very frustrating to think she was turning forty and still hadn't ever had that kind of love in her life.

"Forty," she said to herself. "The big four-oh. Four zero. Four zip. Four zilch. No longer thirty-something."

And with that she felt even worse until 'smile guy', who was again sitting right behind Harriet that morning, got up then stood in front of her again in the stairwell.

Jessica was unaware she was staring at him when he turned toward her and smiled.

She went to look away again, but this time she managed to hold his gaze.

"She's a very smart lady," he said.

"Harriet?" Jessica asked, her heart beating fast, something that surprised her greatly.

"Is that her name?" he said as the bus pulled over.

"Yes. Harriet. As in Ozzie and Harriet," Jessica said, managing a smile of her own.

"Well, she's very wise and very correct."

"About?"

"Wishes," he said with a smile. "Sometimes they do come true."

"Oh. Right. Well, sometimes anyway," Jessica replied.

"I'm Garrett," he said, still smiling.

"Oh. Hi. I'm...I'm Jessica," she told him.

"Well, this is my stop so...happy early birthday wishes, Jessica."

She said 'thank you' as he was stepping off the bus, and this time when he smiled and waved, she did so back and didn't turn away. She not only kept looking, she realized she was getting wet in that one special place that had been bone dry for a such a very long time.

"Ha! 'Bone dry' as in 'bone' or 'boned'. Now that's funny," she said to herself knowing there hadn't been anything close to a bone 'down there' in...how many months? She didn't want to think about that, and rather chose to focus on that amazing smile from the cute guy she now knew was named Garrett.

Her daydreams ended at the warehouse door. Inventory was killing her. All day long it was counting and annotating. She was up and down ladders checking for exact numbers of items on hand then moving to the next bay and doing the same thing. The good news was, this was the last day of inventory, and with any luck, she'd find a better job long before this time next year. Working in a warehouse wasn't awful, and most of the time she was at a desk doing paperwork, but when inventory rolled around, everyone, to include supervisors, were out doing 'bean counting'.

By the end of the day, Jessica was beat, and all she wanted to do was close her eyes on the bus ride home. Within moments after sitting down and closing her tired eyes, her mind relaxed, and the first thought she had was of Garrett and that amazing smile—and those dimples. Her next thought was how he'd been so thoughtful to have wished her a happy birthday. Had it been someone else, Jessica might have been annoyed that he'd been listening in, but that never even crossed her mind before she allowed herself a third thought; one she would never share with anyone except for maybe Erica. Maybe.

Jessica knew Erica had something planned for her on Tuesday evening after she called and asked if Jessica could maybe stop by for a drink 'or something' around seven o'clock. She'd been so upset at turning...forty...for weeks that she found herself surprised the next morning, her 40th birthday, when she was in a particularly good mood as she got on the bus.

Harriet didn't get on, and although Jessica knew she didn't go to the shelter every day, she still hoped she was okay. And yet she was almost happy no one had sat down beside her when the bus pulled up to Garrett's stop. She'd set her purse in the seat hoping to deter other riders from sitting there while she waited for him to get on.

She saw him standing there waiting for the bus in the same place he waited every day, and her heart skipped a beat when he got on and smiled at her. It skipped another when he walked directly up to her and pointed to the empty seat and said, "Do you mind?"

"No. Not at all...Garrett," she told him as she smiled back.

She'd moved her purse just as he walked up in hopeful anticipation, and Garrett set his backpack down between his feet then plopped down next to her then said, "Well. Happy birthday, Jessica."

"Thank you!" she replied cheerfully. "I was going to say something like, 'Why did you have to go and remind me', but I'm suddenly feeling a little more okay about it for some reason."

"You should," he told her. "Forty is still very young, and in your case, Harriet was right. You're a very beautiful woman."

Jessica was pretty sure she didn't blush, but between him sitting right next to her and then saying something so nice to her, she wasn't sure she hadn't.

"That's very sweet of you to say," Jessica told him.

"Sweet...or not...it's true," he said as he looked right at her.

Jessica looked at his bag then asked, "Are you a student at the U-Dub?" which was local-speak for The University of Washington.

"Well, kind of," he told her. "I'm finishing up the requirements for the School of Pharmacy in May, so yes, I'm still technically a student. Just not an undergrad."

"Oh. Wow. Pharmacy. That's very impressive," Jessica said.

"I've always been good at math and science, but work will never be my life. I just want to have enough money to be able to enjoy it," he told her.

"Well, you picked a very good profession for that," she said. "Pharmacists are always in demand everywhere."

He smiled then said, "We all need to do something, and so far, at least, I really like pharmacy. I just don't want work to become my life. My real dream in life is to find someone who's a hopeless romantic like myself. It's proven to be a real challenge so far, but I'm an optimist, and one of these days I am gonna find her."

Too stunned by his comment to reply, Jessica could only listen as Garrett said while still smiling, "And when I do, I'm not gonna let her get away."

They were fast approaching his stop, and again, before Jessica could respond, he reached for his bag and said, "Oh. I uh, I got you a card."

It was in the outer pocket and with a quick zip he pulled it out and handed it to her.

"I know we don't really even know each other, but that doesn't mean I can't do something nice on your birthday, right?"

He held it out for her, and she saw her name very neatly calligraphed on the outside.

"Go ahead. It's for you," he said as he kind of pushed it further her way.

"Well...okay," she said as she took it. "I...I don't really even know what to say. This is also very sweet of you."

He stood up, grabbed his bag, slung it over his shoulder then said with that killer smile of his, "A simple 'thank you' will do."

Before she could thank him, he smiled again then added, "Oh, there is one other thing. I'd love to see that beautiful smile of yours one more time before I get off."

Jessica had never been so flustered in her adult life. She wanted to speak but couldn't. She wanted to smile but instead felt herself tearing up. This very handsome near-stranger had just given her a birthday card, and said some of the nicest things she'd heard in a very long time.

He noticed, smiled again then said, "If those are tears of joy, I can live with that. But if I just hurt you, I don't think I'd be able to stand it," as the bus pulled up to the curb.

Jessica used the sleeve of her coat to gently dab her eyes then said, "No. You...you didn't hurt me at all. And yes. Yes, they are tears of joy. And...thank you, Garrett. This is may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

She managed a smile and got one from him in return.

"Now that's more like it!" he said just before jumping off. "Happy, birthday, Jessica!"

The way he smiled at her and waved after he got off this time was different. Jessica couldn't explain how or why, but she knew it was.

Once he was out of sight, a part of her wanted to tear open the card and read it while another part of her wanted to want until the evening when she could savor it when she was alone.

Even if it only said, 'Happy birthday' with his name below it, that would be wonderful. But what if he'd taken the time to write something? What would it say, and how would it make her feel?

Unable to wait, she slid a nail underneath the flap and carefully opened it.

The card itself was simple but beautiful as it wished her the happiest of birthdays. She closed her eyes before opening it, and when she did she saw more of that beautiful calligraphy written in very small, very legible letters. Before that were some words written in his regular handwriting. It was only a few lines, but what he wrote moved her to tears:

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I was sitting close enough behind you that I heard you tell Harriet you'd been betrayed. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Jessica. I can't imagine what kind of man could do that to such a kind, sweet, beautiful woman, but it hurt me deeply to think that happened to you. Words may not solve anything, but as the song says, words are all I have, and so..."

Below it, there was a short, kind of corny-but-sweet poem:

Starting over is never fun,

But with patience and time,

A new heart can be won.

With a little rain and a few rays of sun,

The pain fades away and life becomes fun.

Just be yourself as that's more than enough,

To find true love rather than money or stuff.

Finally, she read:

"I'm obviously not a poet, but that doesn't make the words any less heartfelt. Happy birthday, Jessica!

Your friend, G."

The words were suddenly too blurry to read, and that's when Jessica realized she was crying. She wasn't falling apart or anything dramatic, she was just sitting there and letting the tears fall as his words wormed their way into her heart.

"Why couldn't Jerry ever do something like this?" she thought rhetorically to herself as she finally opened her purse to grab a tissue.

She was pretty sure her mascara was a mess, but she didn't care about. She could fix it at work. For now, all that mattered were those words and his unforgettable smile.

It wasn't until she was in the bathroom at work touching up the mess that she realized that no matter how sweet or romantic his words were, nothing was ever going to come of it. He was young and gorgeous and would soon be a respected professional while she was...forty...and divorced and...worked in a warehouse.

As she finished the retouch, Jessica wondered what was worse—being in her current situation or feeling sorry for herself that she was? Blaming Jerry was easy. And yes, he was the reason she was in this situation. But staying there wasn't his fault. Changing it was her responsibility.

So if this very sweet, very romantic card from Garrett was nothing but words, perhaps that wasn't a bad thing, if those words spurred her on to finally doing something positive to bring about the kind of change she so dearly needed and wanted. For now, she had to go start work, but she hoped to share this with Erica later that night, and perhaps the two of them could come up with some kind of new strategy for finding her fellow hopeless-romantic soul mate.

"Yeah, right," Jessica said out loud as she took a final look at her face and her eyes.

After such a positive start, the day dragged on endlessly as Jessica processed orders and sent out requisitions for new supplies. When five o'clock finally rolled around, she was even more exhausted than she'd been doing inventory, and yet she knew it wasn't because she'd done any real work. She was having a kind of pity-party for herself, and now she had to face the almost certain non-surprise of Erica's surprise birthday party for her.

"Oh, goody," she said to herself as she boarded the bus to head home.

Erica called again around six o'clock to make sure she was 'stopping by around seven' and Jessica dutifully told her she'd be there, even though she was in no mood to celebrate, Garrett's thoughtful words aside. They'd briefly given her hope; they just hadn't made her feel any better after the brief high that came from reading them. And because he was so young, they may have made her feel even worse. Were he even just a few years older then maybe, just maybe...

While Jessica didn't know exactly how old someone had to be to become a pharmacist, she assumed it wouldn't be more than maybe 26 or 27. So while he wasn't absurdly young like 21, he was still way too young for a woman her age as she wasn't 26 or 27 or even 36 or 37. She was...

This time, she couldn't even think the word let alone say it, even to herself. Instead, she sighed loudly then went to her bedroom and tried decide what to wear before heading over to her best friend's house.

Just as she thought, Erica had a small group of their closest friends waiting to holler, "Surprise!" when she walked in. Knowing it was coming didn't make it any easier to feign being surprised, but Jessica did her best to pretend she was.

"You guys!" she said as she forced a big smile. "I had no idea!"

"Well, come on in and let's get you a glass of champagne, shall we, Birthday Girl?" Erica said with way too much enthusiasm.

Mercifully, by 9 pm, everyone had gone home, and Erica finally had a chance to talk with her friend alone.

"Okay, girl. What in the world is bothering you so much?" she asked. "No one else even had an inkling, but I know you too well. So...what's going on?"

Jessica had to turn away because she felt tears coming yet again. She hated being so emotional, and yet she couldn't control it, and tears began falling.

"Oh! Come here, honey!" Erica said as she realized what was going on and put her arms around her best friend. "Hey, it's okay! Cry it out and then we'll talk."

Jessica knew she could cry in front of Erica and cry she did. She cried then sobbed then cried some more before finally getting a handle on it.

"Let me go wash up, okay?" Jessica said when she could finally talk. She was grateful that Erica's husband had gone upstairs when everyone else left. At least he hadn't seen her turn into a complete basket case.

Erica was waiting for her when she came back and said, "So what's going on, sweetie? Is it turning 40?"

"No," Jessica said. "Well, maybe. I...I don't know."

"Let's see if we can figure it out together then, shall we?"

Erica asked a question her and there as Jessica talked and choked back tears as she tried to explain how she was feeling due to the betrayal, her age, and this overall feeling of hopelessness.

"And then I got this...this card...from this guy on the bus I ride," Jessica said.

"Wait. From...'smile guy'?" Erica asked. Jessica had very briefly mentioned him once, and Erica knew he was both very good looking and very young, so she'd never given it any real thought.

"Yes. Smile guy. His name is Garrett, and he's finishing up the pharmacy program at the U-dub in a few months."

"Okay. And...?" Erica asked wanting details.

"I...I brought the card with me," Jessica said. "Maybe it would be easier if you just read it."

Erica knew it was in her friend's purse so she opened it up and saw it immediately.

"Go ahead," Jessica said when her friend looked at her. She watched Erica's eyes scanning the words.

When she finished, Erica said, "Oh, honey! Now I get it," even though she wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

Rather than admit that, Erica said, "So...how does this make you feel?" hoping Jessica would open up and tell her. Well, if she even knew how she felt, that is.

"Confused maybe?" Jessica said. "Or...sad?"

"Confused how? And why sad?"

"Oh, I don't know. I mean, Garrett is ridiculously young, but he really is ridiculously cute, too. He said he's looking for a fellow hopeless romantic, and then he does this. So because I know he can't be my 'hopeless romantic', I guess maybe I feel...cheated."

"Cheated. How so?" Erica asked, hoping to get Jessica to keep peeling the proverbial onion back.

"Well, it feels like I'm...this close, you know?" she said showing Erica a 'this close' gesture using her thumb and index finger. "It's like the universe is toying with me or something. It knows what I want, then it sends me this guy it knows I can't have—and who'd never want someone my age, anyway—just to taunt me."

Now finally understanding, Erica could honestly say, "Okay. Well, that makes sense."

Jessica was now on a roll and kept going.

"Intellectually, I know he's just a nice guy who rides the same bus, but emotionally, it stirs up all this...baggage or 'unfulfilled longing' or something," Jessica said trying to work through what she was feeling.

"His poem was a little on the um...amateurish side...but it was very sweet," Erica offered.

"I know, right? Sweet and romantic. I mean, why can't some decent, nice-looking guy our age be like that? Why is it men want to talk about stock options and compensation packages rather than love and..."

Jessica stopped talking because she knew the answer. Life was complicated. Most men, and many women, needed to work. Jobs took up most of their time and energy leaving very little for the things Jessica still dreamed about. So it made sense a lot of men would be proud of what they do and want to talk about it. And yet knowing that did nothing to make the things she was wanted go away. She knew all that, yet she still wanted what she wanted.

"Am I being unrealistic?" Jessica asked.

"That's not for me to decide, hon," Erica told her. "Each of us has wants and needs, and getting them met is what love is all about."

"I guess I never really thought of it that way," Jessica replied.

"It's just my opinion, but to me, when we say we love someone, we're really saying we think that person will meet our needs. We don't literally say it, of course, but the brain is taking all of our wants and needs into account when we consider marrying someone. We tend to mask the details with flowery-sounding language about how attractive or funny or nice they are, but what we really mean is, 'I think he'll make me happy'."

"And by 'happy' we mean getting our needs met," Jessica said, filling in the blanks.

"Basically, yes. We're thinking he'll be a good dad, a decent provider, a best friend, a passionate lover, and a bunch of other things all rolled into one. You just happen to need your guy to be more romantic than most. So...is that unrealistic? I don't think so. But let's be honest. Every time we add in something else we want, we narrow the number of guys left in the pool to search from."

Jessica sat there thinking for a few moments then said, "That really makes sense."

"Well, thank you!" Erica told her. "I know it maybe sounds kind of clinical, but I think it's pretty accurate."

"No, it seems about right. One woman may value a guy who makes a lot of money who can provide for her and their children and not have much interest in the kind of romance I want. Or maybe another wants children above all else so having a lot of money might be important, and yet she may not need or want a lot of romance."

"Right! It's about tradeoffs," Erica added. "We all have needs and we all prioritize them, even if we're not aware that we do. Then, as we look around at the guys we come in contact with, we subconsciously evaluate them to see how well they stack up against our 'list'. So if your handsome poet looked just like he looks but was a...Jerk...the looks wouldn't be enough—even if he was romantic and had tons of money."