The Wheels on the Bus

"Yeah, it's a kind of balancing act, huh?" Jessica suggested.

"I think that's fair," Erica told her. "So the question becomes, how do you find your romantic man who at least satisfies your other, lower priorities?"

"I hope that's a rhetorical question."

Erica smiled and even laughed briefly before saying, "I suppose it is, but let's make it more real, shall we?"

"And just how do you propose we do that?" Jessica asked.

"Well, let's start by me asking you if the age difference is really insurmountable or even that big a deal. If it is, nothing else matters and you move on."

"For me or for Garrett?" Jessica asked as though Erica would know the answer.

"You tell me. Is that important to you? Yes or no? Let's say he didn't care at all. How much would it bother you?"

"Well, for starters I really don't know anything about him other than what I've shared, so how can I answer that?"

Erica smiled and said, "By assuming you already know a lot more and like nearly all of what you see. In that case, would his age alone be enough to keep you from falling in love with him?"

"Oh, wow. Um...gee, I don't know, but I don't think so."

"Other than me, would you be self-conscious to be seen with him or tell other people he's your boyfriend?" Erica asked.

"No. Not if I loved him."

"And we're assuming you would, because you like everything else about him. The only question is his age, and I believe you just answered that."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have a problem with my age," Jessica said, showing that she was missing the point.

"Ah, but that's the next question," Erica informed her. "First, you have to know whether or not it would bother you before even thinking about anything else. If it doesn't, then you can move on to finding out how he feels."

"And how do I go about doing that?" Jessica asked.

"By letting him know you're interested, of course," Erica said trying not to sound pedantic. It all seemed so obvious to her, so she was trying not to get frustrated with her best friend for not seeing things as clearly and as quickly as she saw it.

"I don't even know if he's seeing someone," Jessica said.

"Jessica. That doesn't matter. Unless he's married, it's okay to flirt and show him you'd like to get to know him better. He'll make it clear whether or not he's interested back. It's no different than if he was closer to our age."

"I just feel like it's a waste of time and effort because he's so cute and so young that he'd never want to spend his time with someone my age."

"Maybe. Maybe not. All that matters is whether or not he wants to spend time with you. Not someone our age but with you."

For the first time since they started talking Jessica felt hopeful again.

"Any ideas on how to get things started, Dr. Phil?" she asked Erica.

Her friend laughed and winced at the comparison.

"Hmmm. Well, he's training to be a pharmacist, right? Maybe you could find some way to tie that into some little romantic thank-you involving that. You know, like this card with the poem he gave you on your birthday."

"Hey, that's a great idea!" Jessica said.

"It doesn't have to be spectacular. Just something that ties your interest to him with his future job to let him know you liked the card and more importantly, the romantic gesture."

"And if I get shot down, at least I tried, right?" Jessica said, mostly for her own benefit.

"That's the spirit!" Erica said. "If you don't try, you'll never find out, so the question becomes, 'Can you afford not to find out'?"

"If he doesn't have any interest in me, it'll not only hurt, it'll make riding the bus very...uncomfortable from then on."

"Jessica? One way or the other, the wheels on the bus are gonna go 'round and 'round whether you find out or not. That's just how life works. And no matter how he reacts, they'll keep going 'round and 'round day in and day out. So I say give it your best shot. Find out. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?"

"Yeah. That's so true. And how does that go? You know, the saying about it being better to have loved and lost than never having loved?"

Erica laughed then gave her the name.

"Alfred Lord Tennyson."

"Really? It thought it was Wadsworth or Longfellow. Are you sure?" Jessica asked.

"Um...pretty much," Erica, who'd majored in literature in college, told her.

"Okay. I'll take your word for it."

"And you're taking my advice, right?" her friend said with a smile.

Jessica smiled back and said, "Yes. Yes, I am."

Erica hugged her and as she did, Jessica said, "Best birthday ever!"

"Life is short. Too short to worry about negative things. There's plenty of them along the way, so sometimes we have create a few positives," Erica told her.

"What would I do without you?" Jessica said when the hug ended.

"Oh, don't even think about that," Erica said very seriously. "Yeah, life without me would be..."

"Awful," Jessica said sincerely, before telling Erica, "I love you so much."

"Back atcha, girl. Now go do some finding out! And...happy birthday!"

Jessica couldn't relax when she went home. She was determined to find some way of letting Garrett know how much his words had meant to her without going way over the top and scaring him off.

She started by searching phrases like 'romantic thank you for him', but all of them involved being in love. So she changed the search to 'sweet thank you notes for him' and found more of the same. After searching for well over an hour, she finally found one that seemed to say it all.

It said very simply, "Thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like."

She thought about modifying it and adding something like, "At 40", but nothing else made it sound any better.

She then found a card-making app and dowloaded it. From there, all she had to do was add in the text, then play with the font and add in her desired background decorations. Hearts seemed inappropriate, but maybe just one small one with some pretty stars would convey the right message she was trying to send.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained," she out loud to herself as she hit 'save' and then 'print'.

She let it dry while she found an envelope then did her best to write his name on it the way he had when she realized she didn't know how he spelled it. He'd only signed his name with a capital 'G' so she did what every 'expert' did and Googled it.

A quick search gave her several options to include: Garet, Garret, Garett, and the one she'd assumed was correct—Garrett.

Rather than risk misspelling it, she chose to write 'Thank You!" instead of his name. Thank-you notes for any gift, even a card, were always appropriate, and this way she wouldn't blow it right off the bat by incorrectly assuming either how he spelled his name or that he had any kind of feelings for her.

As she put the 'card' inside an envelope, Jessica felt somewhere between silly and downright foolish again before remembering that she had to risk being rejected to find out if Gar...however he spelled his name...might be her Mr. Romantic in spite of his age. Or would that be in spite of...her age?

She slept fitfully that night and that, too, made her feel like she was back in junior high having asked her best friend to tell his best friend she liked him then waiting for the response. Or maybe it was more like handing him a note that asked him to check, 'yes', 'no', or 'maybe' in answer to the question, 'Do you like me?'

"Why does it have to be so hard?" she asked herself as she finished getting dressed and doing her hair and makeup the following morning.

She wished it wasn't so cold so she didn't have to wear a coat, and yet if he was really a romantic guy, she knew it wouldn't matter. Why then was she obsessing about what to wear for a short bus ride to work?

In the end, she decided to focus on her hair and makeup knowing that whatever she wore would be hidden anyway. After blow drying her hair she added in a soft curl near the bottom so it turned under just as it hit her shoulders. Her makeup looked as good as it ever had, and that would have to be good enough.

As she dropped the card in her purse, she realized she really was having butterflies, but not the romantic kind. These were the nervous variety. So much so she couldn't stand the thought of eating anything. She had a small cup of coffee then brushed her teeth, and touched up her lipstick which was more a shiny gloss than an actual color.

"Okay. Here goes nothing," she said as she opened the front door and stepped out onto the street.

Jessica was straining to see faces at each bus stop as though he might be somewhere else, and yet the only person she recognized was Harriet who got on at her regular stop.

"Do you mind, dear?" she asked when she saw that Jessica was sitting alone again.

"No. Of course not," she told her even as the thought of giving up the seat, even temporarily, caused more anxiety.

The small, older woman sat next to her then said, "So how was your birthday?"

"Oh, my! I can't believe you remembered!" Jessica said.

"I'm like an elephant, dear. I never forget!"

"Get out of here! You're so tiny!" Jessica said with a smile.

"Thank you, and you look very nice today, I must say," Harriet told her.

"Oh...thank you," Jessica said back.

"He's a very handsome young man, isn't he?" Harriet said.

"What?" Jessica said, Harriet's words having rattled her deeply. "Who's...handsome?"

"The young man getting on at the next stop, of course," she said with a smile. "I've seen the way he looks at you."

"At me?" Jessica asked, her butterflies now doing flips in her tummy.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he isn't smiling at me every morning," she said sweetly. "And I've watched your face when he smiles at you. It says more than words ever could."

Rattled, Jessica said, "Oh. I...I hadn't really noticed. You mean the guy with the sandy blond hair, right?"

"Yes. That's the one. He's quite a bit younger than you, but, well, my husband was ten years younger than me, and we were so very much in love!"

Now moved, Jessica turned to her and said, "I had no idea."

"Oh, yes. Back then, I was considered a 'cradle robber', and some people said some pretty terrible things. But as they say, the heart wants what the heart wants, right, dear?"

Before Jessica could answer, the bus was pulling up to Garrett's stop, and Harriet said, "Oh, there's your fella!" pointing as delicately as she could.

She saw Jessica's reaction and said, "I think I could see better if I was to move."

Before Jessica could respond, Harriet grabbed her purse and moved behind her and sat where Garrett often sat.

She tapped Jessica on the shoulder and said, "Smile back, dear!"

Jessica turned and smiled nervously at her then just as she looked back upfront, Garrett was standing there and smiling at her. Mustering up all her courage, Jessica smiled back as brightly as she could.

He came back to where she was sitting and Harriet said, "Sit down, dear!" to Garrett before he could ask Jessica if that was okay.

"Oh. Okay," he said politely. He nodded to Harriet then said, "Thank you, ma'am, and good morning to you."

"And to you, as well," she said.

"Hey there, day-after birthday girl," Garrett said to Jessica. "Did you have a chance to read my poem?"

Her butterflies were going crazy as she smiled at him and said, "Yes. Several times, as a matter of fact."

"Does that mean you liked it?" he asked in a way that sounded hopeful.

"Yes. I liked it very much. It was quite possibly the most romantic...sorry—the sweetest thing anyone has ever done."

"Really?" he asked before saying, "I'm glad. You deserve to be happy."

Jessica opened her purse then said, "I liked it so much I wanted to formally thank you for it."

She held out the card and after looking at it then at her then back at the card, Garrett took it from her and said, "Thank you, Jessica, but you didn't have to do this."

He went to open it, and she nearly panicked. "No! Not here. You have to wait and open it later. Okay?"

He cut his eyes toward her and said, "I'm afraid I'm not very good with delayed gratification," and began opening it.

"No! Garrett, please. Don't..."

It took less than a second for him to read it, and Jessica thought she'd die if he said anything. Until he said something that completely surprised her.

He folded the card then looked right at her and quietly said, "Butterflies. You do that to me every time I see you."

Too stunned to speak, Jessica could barely even look at him.

"Butterflies," he said again as he continued looking at her and smiling. "You give me butterflies."

"Me? I...give you...butterflies?" she somehow said.

"Uh-huh. Every time," he told her. "That's why I gave you the card. I was hoping it might possibly change the way you see me."

"How...how do you think I see you?" she asked, her throat suddenly very dry.

"Like...a kid?" he said, making it a question.

"Why...why would I think that?" Jessica asked as her heart raced when he smiled at her.

"Because I'm...24?" he offered, knocking her proverbial socks off.

"Twenty...four?" she repeated.

He smiled then said, "I'll be 25 two days before I graduate but, yes, I'm still 24."

The bus was pulling over and it was Harriet's stop. She got up, went to the exit well, then smiled at Jessica.

"Remember, dear. The heart wants what the heart wants."

The door opened and after another smile and with a twinkle in her eye, Harriet got off and headed for the shelter.

"She's right, you know," Garrett said before Jessica could think of anything to say.

This time, she knew exactly what he was referring to about the heart.

"Yes. Yes, it does, doesn't it?"

He turned toward her a bit more then looked right at her when he said, "Jessica? If you don't see me like that. Like...someone too young for you...I was hoping that maybe you might like to maybe do something together sometime."

She waited for a second to make sure she heard him right then said, "I...I'd love to, Garrett."

"Great! Could we maybe exchange phone numbers before I get off?"

"Oh. Sure. Yes. Let's do that," Jessica said as she fished for hers in her purse, barely able to think as she fumbled around looking for it.

She handed it him, but she hadn't unlocked it, so he held it out and waited.

"Sorry. I...I think I'm a little nervous," she said as she took it and entered her four-digit password.

"So it isn't just me?" Garrett asked with a smile as he took her phone.

"You? Why would you be nervous?" she asked not understanding at all.

As he tapped in his name and number he said, "Are you kidding? You're gorgeous. I've wanted to ask you out since the first time I saw you, but I was sure you'd just laugh at me. You know, because of my um...un-advanced age and lack of a job."

Jessica laughed a nervous laugh then said, "That's the reason I assumed you'd never ask me. Not your age. Mine. And I don't much care about jobs."

He handed her back her phone, smiled, then said, "Well, I did ask you, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know a fellow hopeless romantic."

He went to hand her his phone, but she wasn't sure what to do with it so he said, "If you just give me your number, I can..."

"Oh, right. Duh!" Jessica said before providing it to him.

His stop was coming up, but before he stood up, he asked, "So...did you have a nice birthday?"

"Um...yes. Yes, I did. My best friend gave me some very good advice," she told him with a sweet smile.

"Ah, I see," he told her as he picked up her card to put in his bag. "Would that sage advice have anything to do with this very sweet, very...romantic thank-you note you just gave me?"

Jessica smiled like she hadn't since the first time she had a crush on a boy and said, "It might."

The bus was pulling over so Garrett put the note in his bag then said, "I'll text you later today, if that's okay?"

Jessica smiled happily and said, "That would be very okay. I'll look forward to it."

He surprised her even more when he leaned over and without warning or hesitation kissed her on the cheek and said, "Harriet has been right about everything so far."

He smiled at her then said, "You really are beautiful, Jessica," just as he stood up.

Her heart was positively pounding as she saw him looking at her and smiling as he descended into the well. He turned and looked right at her and just kept smiling.

When the doors opened he said one word. "Bye."

Jessica watched him get off, and this time, when their eyes met, he winked then blew her a kiss.

All she could do was smile until he was out of sight then turn around and say, "Oh, my God. It worked!"

That's when she realized she'd been so self-absorbed she'd barely noticed when Harriet stood up and got off the bus. She felt bad about that, but she also felt so good she was able to avoid feeling too guilty for it.

Unable to stop smiling, Jessica grabbed her phone to text Erica but had to look for herself and make sure his number was really there first. Just seeing it made her smile, and when she noticed she'd guessed correctly on the way he spelled his name, she felt like she was on top of the world.

She found her friend's name under 'messages' and started typing.

"What a difference a day makes! (And some good advice from a best friend!) I'd ask you to ask me who just gave me his number, but if I don't say it, I may burst from happiness! Yes, Garrett, that's who! Erica, it was just so...amazing! I feel like I'm back in high school experiencing my first crush! And don't you dare say that's because he's so young—even though he's...24. Yes, that's right. Twenty...four. OMG, this is so crazy!

Is this crazy? I honestly don't know. All I know is I'm happy, excited, and feeling hopeful again. And I owe it all to you! Thank you! And I love you! And did I mention how happy I am? Can't wait to talk to you in person! Love, J."

Jessica realized she'd been smiling the entire time she was texting and was still smiling when she hit 'send'.

At work, several people asked her what was going on because she kept smiling all day.

"Oh, nothing," she would say with a smile. "I'm just...happy."

And then around two o'clock, she got her first text from the smiling guy she now knew was named Garrett with two 'r's' and two 't's'.

"Hi, beautiful! I just got out of my last class, and I have to tell you it was very hard concentrating all day. Why, you ask? Well, it seems that I recently met someone. Someone who is not only gorgeous but kind, friendly, and very romantic. For some reason I can't seem to get her off my mind."

He added a blushing smily face then said, "As a starving 'grad' student, I was wondering if having coffee with me on Saturday would be an acceptable first date. Or we could just call it 'getting together' if 'date' is too formal. Either would be fine with me, although I'm really hoping you'll consider it more than just hanging out.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I really like you, Jessica. It's funny, but I can't even remember feeling like this about anyone except for maybe my first crush back in fourth grade. And please don't say something about what you were doing when I was in fourth grade, okay?"

More smily faces then, "I won't be on the bus tomorrow as I have exams that start early. But I am very much looking forward to seeing you again soon. Until then, I remain...hopelessly (and romantically) yours. Garrett."

Jessica didn't care that they barely knew one another or that he'd just signed off 'hopelessly yours'. She didn't care because it was romantic, and romance was something she craved like someone in the desert craves water. She was dying of thirst and this most unlikely person was offering her sweet, cool, delicious, purified water.

She was trying to remember if she'd ever felt like this before, and as she searched her past, she could honestly say she hadn't. She knew it could be very short-lived, but she wanted to savor every moment for as long as it lasted. They didn't even have to be intimate as long as he was this thoughtful and romantic.