All Comments on 'Their First Toys Ch. 04'

I really like the build up here! You are establishing hints for coming chapters in a great way! Makes me want to read more! But: What you really should avoid is the usage of several words you seem very fond of. The girls smirk, murmur, chuckle and snort waaaay too much! After a while you see only these words, at one place they chuckle three times in one sentence! Too bad, because it stands in front of some of the hotness going on. Please let the girls do something else than smirk in the next chapter!

Thank you for appreciating the story.

About the other, I have heard it before. Most authors here don't describe how character speak or the non-verbal forms of communication. The intended meaning of a statement can be different: if she smirks or if she smiles when she says it, or, how the other character responds non-verbally.

In this story, I am intentionally staying out of peoples' minds, not saying what they are thinking. The non-verbal communication has to make up for that. When one and then the other two chuckle, they are agreeing. When one chuckles at a comment, and the other snickers, the latter is expressing something different: perhaps a response to the other's chuckle, or that she is responding to the comment differently. Think about a subtle joke: one chuckles, someone who recognizes the deeper meaning snickers.

In this story, I now know the girls too well (only as their author, unfortunately!).

They snort and chuckle and snicker, moan, gasp and groan. I hope that some of their reads also do.

Thank you for letting me explain.

I understand why you are using the nonverbal descriptors, but I have to admit, they are really, really overdone. Of course this is just my opinion, but it is getting to the point where I don't want to read the next chapter... otherwise, this is an excellent story. PLEASE, back off the snorts, chuckles, etc. I beg of you.

I hear you and others. A lot of readers don't complain, but I can't change what the persons in this story do. In revising an earlier story for submission, I am trying to eliminate some of the non-verbal communication.

Thanks for saying that you like the story, despite that.