There and Back Again Ch. 025-026

I could feel Aedan looking around, probably looking for help. No one offered any, and I pulled my shit together with pure willpower. Everyone looked a bit peaked, but I guessed that knowing dragons existed for your whole life made a big difference to your outlook upon encountering one. Morrigan made a few caustic comments about the accuracy of my information, given that I thought the encounter could have been avoided, but I just ignored it.

"I'm okay. Let's just...let's just go. Get this done." I pushed away from Aedan, stood, and started walking towards the door to the gauntlet. My steps steadied after the first few, and I heard the rustle and clank that meant the rest of the group was following along.

Despite their enormous size, the doors swung open easily, leading into a huge foyer. The Guardian stood, apparently unmoving for centuries from the dust and debris in the room. I had warned everyone what questions they were going to be asked by the guardian, and as a group we all sort of braced ourselves and approached.

His question for Aedan led to the obvious conclusion that he regretted leaving his parents behind to die. Duh. Wynne admitted she sometimes felt uncertain, had doubts occasionally. Also duh. Morrigan refused to answer, Zevran said 'yes' before even hearing the entire question, and he largely ignored Prince and Shale. Sten admitted that killing a family in a blind panic for a very stupid reason was, well, stupid. I almost called the Guardian 'Captain Obvious', but managed to stifle the flippant remark. Leliana denied that she was using her visions to get attention. I gave him a dirty look for that - I may not have been very religious on Earth, nevermind in Ferelden, but any idiot could see she believed.

When he moved on to Alistair, I was expecting a question that would bother him less than game canon would imply, but I was surprised. I guess the Guardian knew about Duncan surviving, because instead his question left me standing with my mouth open in shock.

"Alistair, former templar, you have learned that your templar abilities are very underdeveloped compared to some, but Sierra's rival the most powerful of templars without having undergone the training and the suffering you did to get yours. Do you resent her abilities? Do you feel angry that you weren't granted those abilities instead?"

Alistair turned to look at me, and paused thoughtfully before answering.

"I did, at first. Before I knew her, before I understood. But she has no more choice than I have, and while her abilities are impressive, they are unreliable, uncontrolled. She is no more advanced than I am, we are just different. We have much to teach each other, and I do not resent that. Besides, I don't know the details, but I get the impression that Sierra has seen her share of suffering."

I smiled brilliantly at him, and he blushed in return. I held my breath as the Guardian turned to me.

"Sierra, you live in a place where you have nothing and no one. No one misses you, no one notices that you are gone. No one will care if you die, and no one will come to your funeral. Do you believe that you are, indeed, mentally unstable? Did you dream up this world, these people, and that you are a part of it, just to feel important? To have your life feel like it means something? Are you, in fact, insane?"

I expected this question, had thought about it at length, and still had no answer to give.

"I...don't know. I hope not." I closed my eyes, not wanting anyone to see me like that. Feeble I could handle; unsure of my own sanity? Hell no. I opened them again in surprise when each of my hands was gripped by another; I looked around and realised I was in a circle of friends, all of whom looked at me with a mixture of affection, sadness, and understanding. Aedan and Leliana held my hands, but Alistair, Wynne, Zevran, and even Morrigan stood around me offering silent emotional support. Sanity or no, this was my family and it was where I wanted to be. I closed my eyes again, offering a silent prayer of thanks to any deity that would listen, and then with a nod, we moved on.

Chapter Twenty-Six: History and Lice

The riddles in the next room posed no serious difficulty, even without me knowing the answers, and when the door swung open to show Bryce Cousland, Aedan let out a shout and took off at a run, Prince at his heels. I held back, giving him some privacy to talk with his father. I looked curiously at him from my vantage - he may not have raised me, but if Aedan was my brother, this man was my father also. He had a kind smile, and those wrinkles around his eyes that make men look distinguished (and women seek Botox). His hair was salt-and-pepper, his body trim and fit for an older guy. Though as I thought about it, older in this universe wasn't necessarily the same as at home - he was probably in his forties or fifties.

Aedan hugged him, and I looked around briefly to see if everyone was as heartwarmed by it as I was, only to realise I was alone. All of the others had disappeared. There was nowhere they could have hidden, and I'd have heard at least Shale and Alistair as they walked away, so it had to be magic of some sort. I decided to wait until I could discuss it with Aedan before panicking.

Aedan and Bryce talked for a minute, and I expected Bryce to fade away, but after a bit, Aedan turned and gestured to me to approach. Nervously I walked closer, and saw Bryce's face light up. He pulled me into a tight hug before I could even greet him, and I awkwardly returned it. Releasing me, he brushed my hair out of my face and gently cupped my cheek.

"Sierra, my daughter. I am so happy to see you! Your mother will be beside herself. I only have a moment, but I want you to know. I am so, so sorry darling. We didn't know what happened, only that when you were born, you were breathing, your heart was beating, but...you weren't there. We took you to healers, seers, midwives and mages; no one knew what was wrong with you. We tried everything, but...you sickened. We didn't want Aedan to live in the shadow of the sister he had lost so we didn't tell anyone. We loved you so much, and missed getting to know you every day.

"Pup, you must protect your sister." Aedan swore he would, and I grinned at him. "And Sierra - you belong here, my darling. Stop questioning it, and just believe. For me?"

I felt tears trickling down my face. He called me daughter. And with that, I finally allowed myself to hope that maybe this really was where I belonged. "Papa?" I just couldn't call him dad. Or father. "I will try."

"I must go. I love you so much, my children. Your mother and I both do. Take care of each other..."

I almost screamed when he disappeared. I clapped my hands over my mouth, holding it in, and collapsed into Aedan's arms. We clung to each other, and I could tell I wasn't the only one crying. Prince stuck his nose into the first opening he found, and for the first time, I was part of a family.

The rest of the group slowly approached, all looking shaken to one degree or another, but none of them were as feeble as I was, and the pressure to move on became noticeable. Aedan managed to pull himself together, but I was still a right mess. Aedan pulled out my notebook to check on the next fight rather than disturb me where I sat. Realising we were headed for a nasty one, he again instructed Prince to guard me. When the doors swung open, there we all were, facing ourselves, nine combatants and a weak little girl. I stayed curled on the floor, cuddling Prince with all my might, refusing to watch who took the final blow on my doppelganger. I heard Morrigan curse, Sten grunt, Alistair shout something unintelligible, and it was done. Aedan came over and pulled me to my feet, and I held his arm as he half-dragged, half-carried me past our own corpses. Morrigan was whining about templars, and I guessed that evil-Sierra or evil-Alistair had whammied her. Oops.

In the next room, the combination to the puzzle wasn't even close to that from the game, and I was forced to collect myself to help out. Apparently the puzzle knew how many of us there were, as it required all of us working together to open the doors. Or perhaps they only let in groups of ten. Either way.

And then, we were in the room, crossed by a massive wall of fire, leading up to an altar. And it occurred to me that somehow I had completely suppressed the realisation that we were all going to have to get naked. Together.

It wasn't that I was a prude. I'd seen naked men before, and I wasn't a virgin, but there was just something weird about getting naked with a co-ed group. I'd make a terrible orgy participant. And every time I even thought about Alistair naked I ended up in hysterics, or drooling, or both. This ought to be fun.

Aedan pragmatically just began shucking armour. Leli, Wynne, Zevran, Sten, and even Morrigan followed suit, looking unconcerned. We had decided to have Shale and Prince remain on this side of the fire, which left just Alistair and I, both looking panicked. I met his eyes just long enough to be suddenly even more embarrassed, and finally had a choice between curling back up on the floor with Prince or getting on with it.

"Oh for the love of God. I can't believe I'm doing this." I stripped as quickly as I could, and swore to myself that when I looked back up, I wouldn't stare. Much.

Everyone hesitated at the edge of the fire, and finally deciding that if I went first I wouldn't have to see everyone else's expressions (or their nakedness), I stepped through. It sort of...tickled, strangely. The fire didn't crackle, like a normal fire, and there wasn't any smoke to speak of. Aedan let out a cry, but I passed through untouched. I kept resolutely looking straight forward until I could hear the rest of them behind me.

Wynne and Leliana were in raptures over the altar, the statuary, and the urn itself. Even Aedan and Alistair approached with hushed voices full of awe. I supposed it was rather beautiful, though not being raised religious, and definitely not Andrastian, it didn't hit me quite as hard. Aedan approached the Urn, taking a pinch of the ashes and placing it into a little pouch he carried.

I briefly wondered if I could convince Aedan and Alistair to use a pinch of the ashes each to cure their Taint, but knew they'd object. I'd tried bringing it up before reaching Haven, and got nothing but dirty looks. But if I was going to attempt to stay in Thedas, to accept that I belonged there, I wasn't looking forward to losing my brother in thirty years when his Calling came. My suggestion died on my tongue when I caught Aedan's eye -- he obviously guessed what I was going to say, and shook his head once, firmly. I sighed. I had also considered taking a pinch to bring to Avernus in Soldier's Peak, and ruled that out too. He may have been a Grey Warden once, but he was a madman too. We didn't need him curing his own Taint or creating something even worse.

As it turned out I was able to escape with only a glance at each of my nude companions. The girls didn't bother me, though Zevran was right about Wynne's magical bosom - it didn't sag in the least. Aedan I got just a glimpse of, enough to realise he was as fit as he seemed in armour. Zevran the same, though the hip thrust when he thought anyone was looking just about made me choke with laughter. Sten was even more imposing nude - yikes! I can't un-see that! I tried to avoid looking at Alistair - it was one of the harder things I'd ever tried to do - but couldn't help getting a quick flash of bronze skin and rippling muscles. Blushing furiously I hurried back across the fire wall, shrugging into my armour quickly and studiously ignoring everyone else as they dressed.

Once finished, we left the temple. We all agreed that no matter how exhausted we were, it would seem somehow sacrilegious to sleep inside the shrine, and we didn't want to spend an extra second in the temple full of cultist corpses than we absolutely had to. I kept my eye out for the easy shortcut back to the entrance, but apparently that was only a convenience for game purposes. Damn!

Fortunately Zevran was good with directions, and we all followed him blindly. Aedan had his arm around me, and I barely even looked up from the floor as I walked, mind reeling. I stumbled a few times, vaguely overheard Alistair offer to carry me, but even in my fugue I could hear the insincerity of the offer, and Aedan politely declined on my behalf. Even Shale finally fell silent, keeping her comments about the weakness of flesh-creatures to herself.

We found Brother Genitivi, and limped down the mountainside in the dark, realising once we arrived that we had no more desire to stay in Haven than we did in the temple. We kept going until the creepy little town was out of sight, and then collapsed into the first clearing we came across. We passed around some dried fruit and jerky, and basically all fell asleep where we sat. I woke some time later, with the sun just barely peeking above the hill behind us. I was curled in my brother's arms - I have a real brother! - and decided I wasn't moving until I had no other choice. I spent some time thinking about suddenly having an actual family, until trying to figure out how in God's name I crossed the barrier between universes repeatedly threatened to break my brain and I quit.

Everyone else was starting to come around, and after some breakfast that resembled our supper very closely, we set off. We found Bodahn at the camp in the afternoon, and still tired, chose to rest there for the night. We were all quieter than normal at camp, but the normalcy of setting up tents, cooking, and washing took over and restored things a little. No one brought up their visions when we were all separated inside the temple. I was intensely curious, but kept it to myself. I don't want to talk about it either.

I spent a while thinking about what Bryce had said to me about belonging in Thedas, and learning to accept that. Do I even want to stay in Thedas? There were definitely pros and cons. I missed indoor plumbing and supermarkets. I missed security and my fancy memory foam mattress. But I didn't miss the lonely evenings and weekends, the nearly paralyzing inability to make friends and meet people, the countless hours of video games. And no one there missed me. I guess...maybe I do want to stay. Now to figure out if I even can. And what will happen to me when the blight is over and my knowledge is no longer useful...I need to do more training.

Aedan and I sparred before supper, and Zevran joined us again. He watched us, stopping us frequently to readjust my position, stance, or hold on my weapons. Each time he did, he would step into me from behind, pressing himself against me, hands stroking whatever part they wanted to change, using his hips to alter my posture. When I was in the position he wanted, he would practically purr in my ear, and it was almost impossible for me not to laugh. I supposed that in Ferelden, this was quite provocative behaviour - the number of orders who required vows of chastity alone was an indication of the prudish morality - but where I came from, this was about equivalent to the level of intimacy expected when dancing in a nightclub. Not that I did a lot of clubbing, but I wasn't nearly innocent enough to be thrown by Zevran. And knowing what to expect helped too.

When we were done, Zev's hands lingered on my waist, and I playfully slapped them away, finally able to laugh again, even if it somehow felt inappropriate. I headed back to the fire, planning to offer help with supper, when I heard an indignant squawk from the direction of the tent Leliana shared with Wynne. Everyone jumped, and I wandered over to investigate. I found Leliana jumping around, pulling at her hair like a crazy person, and I watched for a few moments, amused, before finally asking.

"Leli? Whatcha doing?"

"There was...something...in my hair."

"After what we've just been through, I imagine there's a lot of things in your hair."

"No! Something moved. I swear, if your dog gave me fleas..."

Prince whined and I laughed. "Sit down, let me look. Stop jumping around, woman! Hold still."

I ran my fingers through her hair, and caught sight of something. Looking closer, I sifted through the strands closer to her scalp and swore.

"What is it? Is it fleas?"

"No, Leli, it's worse, I'm afraid. I don't know how to tell you this, but...you've got lice." Her horrified look almost set off the giggles. "It's not exactly life-threatening, you know."

"Lice?" Her tone was a hoarse, mortified whisper. "Are you sure?"

"Leli, what's wrong? I was just teasing about it being worse than fleas. Lice aren't a big deal."

"Sierra, I...feel very vain, saying this, but...I don't want to shave my head. I think I'd look terrible bald."

I cracked up, reaching out to grab her hand in apology. "Is that what's got you worried? Oh, dear. No, you won't have to shave your head. Don't worry. We can fix this. It'd be easier if I could get some medicine from home, but even without it isn't a big deal. Promise."

"How in Andraste's name did I get lice?"

"I very much doubt Andraste had anything to do with it, Leli. I'm going to guess one of us borrowed a hat at some point..." I trailed off, thinking. "Like me, blast it. That damn templar helm. Lice spread like wildfire among close contacts. Not to mention blankets and things. We're all going to need treatment. And I only have one comb! Ah well. I guess we'd better let everyone else know so I can get started."

"Started doing what?"

I sighed theatrically. "Nit picking."

Everyone else accepted the news of our likely widespread lice problem with less despair than Leliana, though they all seemed happy that I had a possible cure. I explained how lice worked, as far as I could remember, and how the life cycle required new eggs to hatch new lice. If one could get rid of all the eggs over a two week period, the lice would be gone. The bigger issue was the need for all of us to either scour our helms with something like bleach, or acquire new ones. And leather helms don't scour well, so at the very least four of us required new head gear.

I insisted everyone wash their hair as well as possible, and used up most of my shampoo to make sure it happened. I grabbed what I needed from my tent, set up a log to sit on near the fire, and gestured to Leliana to sit in front of me. While Aedan and Zev bickered over making supper, I began methodically combing through Leliana's damp hair. Picking nits is slow, annoying work, but I was no stranger to the problem. I chatted with Leli while I worked, and she closed her eyes and just enjoyed me playing with her hair, once I reassured her yet again that this would work.

"Sierra?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you know how to do this?"

"I spent hours doing it when I was a kid."

"Maker's breath, why?"

"Well, there were always a lot of children around. Lice were rampant where I grew up, and if someone didn't get rid of them, we'd have infected half of the country. The social workers wouldn't let us go to school if we were known to have lice, so...I picked."

Everyone had gathered around the fire, and most were apparently quietly listening to me. I flushed, but had come to the realisation inside the temple that if I was going to act like this was my family, they deserved to know a bit about my background, so I just kept talking. It was a struggle, but I managed to keep my voice emotionless, my face neutral, like I was talking about someone else. I didn't want attention, or God-forbid, pity, for this.

"I was found, as a baby, by a homeless woman. No one knows where I came from, or who my parents were. They apparently had some problems with abandoned babies, back then, so they set up places where you could drop off an unwanted baby and they'd be taken care of. So the homeless woman who found me took me there. I was apparently still damp, like I'd just barely been born.