There and Back Again Ch. 055-056

He wanted to get started taking blood right away, and I agreed. He gave me some sort of potion which he said would help my body replenish the blood he took; it tasted sort of like blood, and I was revolted, but considering I'd actually agreed to drink darkspawn blood, I figured I might as well get used to it. He then used a narrow blade to make a small cut in the crease of my elbow, which stung, putting my hand in a jar to allow the blood to collect there. He cast some sort of preservation spell on the jar itself, I assumed so the blood wouldn't clot or get contaminated. I shuddered at the feeling of the blood pouring down my skin, and started talking to distract myself from the sensation.

"How will you perform the Joining? Don't you need Archdemon blood? Or will it have to wait until this blight is over?"

He gave me a funny look. "You are aware this is a Grey Warden base?"

I nodded, confused.

"What makes you think there wouldn't be a supply of Archdemon blood here?"

Chapter Fifty-Six: Throwing Punches

"What makes you think there wouldn't be a supply of Archdemon blood here?"

I stopped, mouth agape. In the game you had so few dialogue options, but it never even occurred to me that Avernus would have the supplies for the Joining.

He continued. "Of course, it is downstairs somewhere. Hidden, obviously, but there are quite a few demons between it and us. We will have to wait until your friends can clear out the levels below."

At that I sputtered, "You want to do it right away? Don't you need to do the research first, figure out how to improve the formula? I suppose it's selfish, but I'd like to use the improved one on myself. I'd rather not die in the Joining."

His smirk was...annoying. "I have already done the research. I improved the failure rate of the formula long ago -- I don't know the numbers for certain, but I think the death rate should be less than ten percent. And the Calling will be easy -- the ritual I have been using to delay my own will easily translate. The fertility issue is new -- I'd never thought very hard about it -- but I'm sure a few days of reading and I will have it figured out."

"You bastard! You already had two out of three of my demands met?"

His expression was still smug; I had the desire to punch him, and probably would have if I hadn't been leaking blood from my dominant arm. "I am afraid so. I didn't think just the fertility issue would be enough for you to go through the Joining. But now you have given your word."

"How do you know I won't just call it off? You negotiated in bad faith, I'd say our contract is well and truly void."

He examined my face for a moment. "You could, but you won't. You gave your word, and you won't break it. You are not like me."

He had me, and he knew it. I could have claimed the deal invalid, but the minute he compared me to himself... Damn you, Avernus. I hate you right now.

I slumped in defeat and waited until the blood finished draining. I wondered how he managed to keep the blood flowing -- shouldn't such a small wound have healed by now? -- but then it occurred to me he had probably enchanted the dagger. Or coated it with something. Clotting would be very inconvenient for a blood mage if it happened at the wrong time.

I started to feel a bit woozy, so Avernus cast a small healing spell and then helped me lie down. I fell almost instantly asleep, which was a nice change.

The following day I felt much better, so after another vile concoction he did it again. He swore the potion would ensure I'd recouped enough, and I didn't feel lightheaded anymore, so I went along with it. He spent the rest of the day researching fertility stuff, and I spent it reading his earlier journals, where he detailed reducing the death rate of the formula. Too bad I hadn't read them yesterday!

I was both nervous and eager to see everyone. I wanted my armour back -- my jeans had started to feel weird, after so many months in Fereldan clothing and armour -- and I needed my brother. I wanted a hug, and I wasn't about to ask Avernus! I even wanted to see Alistair, though I had no idea how that was going to go. I'd thought long and hard about that, and come to no conclusions other than waiting to see what he did, first.

After much thought, I decided not to tell anyone about my deal with Avernus. I knew Aedan would lose it and try to prevent me from taking the Joining, and might even kill Avernus. Tomas would try to talk me out of it though I didn't think he'd actually refuse a volunteer, and everyone else might find out Grey Warden secrets they weren't supposed to know during the course of the shouting matches. They wouldn't be able to change my mind, and it was drama I just didn't need. I warned Avernus to keep his mouth shut on the subject as well, and he agreed.

When we met for supper, he told me he was having difficulty figuring out the fertility component to my demands. He said he just didn't know any fertility rituals, and had few books about them at the Keep. I immediately thought of Morrigan -- given her plan to conceive the child of a Grey Warden, if anyone knew anything about fertility rituals, it would likely be her. I mentioned I had an apostate friend who might be able to help, and he was quite pleased at the possibility. I realised I trusted Morrigan with my secret Joining plan -- she wouldn't judge, and wouldn't tattle.

At supper, when I complained about difficulty sleeping, Avernus offered me a sleeping draught of some sort. I accepted it, but stared at it suspiciously for a long time before finally deciding that he wouldn't poison me before my Joining. I drank it all in one foul swallow, curled up on my couch, and promptly feel into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I felt well refreshed in the morning, not groggy at all; Avernus could have made a fortune on Earth with that sleeping medicine! I was impatient for everyone to arrive, and I went out onto the rooftop garden hoping to be able to see the party when they approached. My impatience was rewarded, because it wasn't an hour later when I saw a group of tiny figures moving out in the courtyard. I hoped Aedan had read my notes on the undead, but couldn't really see what was happening that far away. I tried shouting to attract attention, but the only thing I succeeded in doing was pissing off Avernus.

He grumbled as he walked out onto the roof. "They can't hear you from there, traveller. You'd have a better chance of attracting the demons than your friends from this distance."

"Alright, let's go down and meet them."

"Are you mad? There are demons down there."

"Yeah, that you summoned! Open the damn ward, Avernus. We need to help them."

He looked at me like I had a third head. I had a brief, inappropriate internal discussion about extra heads being the unfortunate side effect of the sleeping draught before he interrupted my train of thought.

"There are what, eight of them? Ten? Well-armed, experienced in combat, yes?"

I did a quick head count. "Twelve, I think, actually. Thirteen if you count Levi."

"And we are two. You are unarmed, unarmoured, and even if you had weapons, you have only been wielding them for a few months at the most. And I can't use my most effective spells -- any more blood magic down there, and I'll tear the veil so badly it will never close. We wait for them to come to us. They know I'm up here, yes? They will get here eventually."

I sighed, frustrated. He was right, and that pissed me off; I wanted to get down there and see my brother. When I lost sight of the small group in the courtyard, I went in, deciding to wait immediately inside the warded door. I grabbed a book and dragged a chair over, sitting down to fret and pretend to read.

The day dragged on painfully, with Avernus locking himself back in the laboratory to do research, presumably on fertility, so I sat alone, then paced alone, then sat some more. We had supper, finally, by which time my nerves were shot. Avernus finally settled down nearby on a chair in the 'library', and I thought he was possibly being empathetic and trying to help, which was odd. Or maybe he's just curious, and as impatient as I am.

It was late, and dark out, when we heard sounds of fighting filtering through the wall between us and the Commander's Office where demon-Sophia waited. Once he thought she was dead, Avernus lowered the ward keeping them out. I stood anxiously, and finally the door slowly creaked open.

Alistair entered first, with Sten and Shale on his heels, and then everyone else filed in behind. I'd thought the room was a good size, but it felt positively crowded with thirteen people, a golem, and a mabari. I laughed in relief when I saw my brother enter, brown hair sticking out from his helmet in clumps.

When Alistair spotted me, he stopped with an oath, causing a chain reaction leading to Aedan walking face first into Sten's armoured shoulder. After a few choice curses, Aedan noticed me with a gasp. The whole group looked dumbfounded for a moment, but eventually smiles broke out.

Except for Alistair. He reached up and pulled his helmet off, dropping it without even looking at where it landed. He walked over to me, slowly, hands up in a placating gesture. He reached out to grab my hand, and I let him, though the urge to bolt was strong. He tried to meet my gaze, but I kept averting my eyes, and he eventually gave up.

I could see Morrigan behind him, shooting me what I could have sworn was a sympathetic look; Aedan's eyes were dark and he looked about to murder Alistair.

Alistair spoke, his voice low but loud enough for everyone to hear. "I'm sorry, Sierra. We need to talk about what happened, but I don't think this is the time. I just wanted to apologise, first. Can we talk about this later?"

I glanced up at him once, noting a rather puffy, inflamed black eye, before looking away and stepping back.

"No." I pulled my hand out of his grasp, edging around the templar. I made it to the group behind him, and found myself welcomed into a space behind Morrigan and beside Aedan. My brother put his arm around me, and Morrigan reached back, allowing me to grip her hand. My eyes filled with tears that I tried to wipe away angrily before they could spill.

"No? Sierra..." He looked at where I stood, confusion and hurt clear in his expression.

"No, Alistair. I'm not okay. You don't get to just...do that, and then say sorry and think that I would just forget it happened."

"I just want to fix things. Please? I need you."

"You should have thought about that when you asked me if I was a monster and then walked away."

Aedan's arm tightened, and I was grateful for the support, but also for his silence. For everyone's silence. I was suddenly, finally done with being feeble, with needing to be protected. And my little family were letting me fight my own battle. I felt Tomas' hand on my shoulder, but still no one else spoke.

"I spoke rashly. I should have...well, anything but that. I was upset, but that's no excuse."

"At least you're aware of that much." My tone was icy, and part of me cringed inside; his puppy dog eyes were sad and puzzled and hurt, and his bottom lip stuck out just slightly in a pout. He seemed almost dazed, and I wondered if he had expected me to just fall into his arms after an apology. It had been pretty clear to me that he had broken it off with me, and then he was surprised? When I had decided to wait and see what he would do, I had assumed he would either be angry still, or just avoid me. I had no idea how to react to this.

I hardened my heart and turned away from him. I couldn't deal with him any more at the moment.

"We have bigger things to talk about right now. This is Avernus. Aedan, Alistair, and Tomas," I pointed to each man in turn, "are the Grey Wardens. The rest of these people are their companions, and we can make formal introductions later." I turned to Aedan. "I believe Avernus said that it wouldn't be safe to sleep without repairing the tear in the veil first, otherwise this place is going to fill back up again. I know you guys must be exhausted, but can we take care of the veil and then find somewhere to sleep? We can make a plan tomorrow."

Everyone reluctantly agreed; fighting a keep full of demons and undead a second time didn't appeal to anyone, really. Aedan handed me a pack with my gear, and I snuck into the little room I'd been sleeping in to change into my leathers. Leli helped, but after an obvious look at the thin door between us and the main room, we didn't speak. It felt good to have my daggers on my hips again.

We trooped down the stairs, with me sandwiched between Aedan and either Leli, Wynne, or Morrigan the entire time, and Alistair following us at the back. The loudest sound was clanking footsteps from the warriors in their plate; no one spoke above a whisper, the entire atmosphere tense and uncomfortable.

Avernus set up a ritual in a massive room with multiple scorched areas on the floor; he warned us that demons would try to stop him, and then when we all confirmed we were ready, he stepped into the first scorch mark and started chanting.

Demons swarmed out from the ground, but they were met with ice and steel, and finished off quickly. I even got in a few lucky shots with my daggers, which Morrigan had spelled with ice; I froze and shattered a rage demon, and grinned at Aedan in triumph. His expression, unlike mine, was of abject terror; I sighed, ignored him, and got ready for the next wave.

When Avernus paused in his chanting, I noted the scorch marks were gone from the floor under his feet; the stone was back to a normal grey. The first tear had been sealed.

We repeated the same process over and over, the demons having fewer areas to appear as each tear closed, and soon rage demons gave way to something else, which I assumed were ash wraiths. They looked like some odd combination between demons and undead like Revenants, but were somewhat translucent too. They were defeated as well, breaking apart into millions of swirling motes of dust or ash as they fell. Finally a desire demon made an appearance, and it was immediately surrounded by the warriors and Aedan; I didn't even get a chance to get close. I could feel its mana, though, and I drained it, making it a simple matter for the boys to finish it off.

I hadn't really realised just how oppressive a feel the keep had had until it lifted. The last tear was repaired, and suddenly it felt like just a room instead of a den of pure evil. We all shared smiles, too exhausted for cheering. I fell into Aedan's arms, and he held me close.

"Avernus? Can you show us to somewhere we can all choose rooms close together?"

The old mage nodded and led the way to a wing of the keep, on the third floor. There was a common area that at one point had probably held couches and chairs but was now conspicuously empty, with several doors leading from it. He indicated we could each take one room as we liked, and then excused himself to go back to his own room. Aedan grabbed a bedroll and a pack, handing them to me, then grabbed another one each for himself. He nodded at Zev, who nodded back; taking my hand, he ushered me and Prince into one of the rooms without another word, and shut the door behind us. Each room had some sort of magical lantern thing, which Avernus had explained; Aedan touched it, and it sputtered to life, exuding a weak yellow glow. We need to steal some of those when we leave.

The room we were in wasn't large; there would have been room for a double bed, a dresser, and a chest, but it had its own attached cubicle with a washstand, chamber pot, and large copper tub. There was no furniture -- when I saw Aedan's confused look, I told him about Avernus' scrap pile, and he laughed -- so after sweeping a thick layer of dust away with a dirty blanket, Aedan and I spread our bedrolls side by side in one corner, with space in the middle for Prince.

"You can go find Zev's room, if you want. I'll be fine here, honestly."

"Not a chance. I didn't wait up for you last time, and look what happened." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes; clearly, he was feeling guilty for going to bed when Alistair and I broke up. I squeezed his hand, and he continued. "Zev gets it; it's fine for tonight. We can figure things out tomorrow."

I used the cubicle to change out of armour and put on my light linen sleepwear, while Aedan did the same in the bedroom. We lay down, one on either side of the mabari, who was already fast asleep.

"You want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "Not tonight. We're both exhausted. We can talk tomorrow. But I have to thank you for giving Alistair that nice shiner." I touched the area around my own eye.

Aedan chuckled. "Don't thank me. Morrigan gave it to him."

"She did? I could see her zapping him with lightning or something, but a black eye?"

"I'll tell you in the morning. The whole story's a bit amusing."

"I'll hold you to that."

He reached up and touched the lantern, and the room was immediately pitch black. I settled into my bedroll to sleep, but my hand encountered Aedan's when I stroked Prince's short fur; I grabbed it and squeezed, and then fell asleep holding it.

I woke at one point from a dream where I relived Alistair walking away from me over and over. Aedan held me while I sobbed, with Prince nosing me and licking my fingers mournfully, and I finally fell asleep again on my brother's shoulder. In the morning, I woke early, and stayed in my bedroll for a while watching Aedan sleep. He looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart to wake him. He woke on his own a few minutes later, smiling at me when his eyes opened.

"I missed you the last few days."

"I did too. I hate being back there. And then I was stuck here with just creepy Avernus for company. I haven't been in his lab yet, and I don't think I want to."

He grimaced. "I suppose we will have to; we'll need to see what he did, in the name of the Grey Wardens. I'm not looking forward to it."

"So tell me what happened after I left?"

He coloured. "Sierra...I never dreamed that Alistair would...that he...I went to bed early, and I didn't know. After being such an idiot earlier, I should have waited up. I'm sorry."

"Nonsense. I asked Morrigan to tell you to go to sleep. And nothing you could have done would have changed what happened. Avernus thinks I subconsciously wish to go back, and he's probably right; after what happened with Alistair, I had a moment where I wished I'd never come to Thedas. It didn't last long, but apparently that was enough. So anyway, I came back to camp, and then?"

"Well, we all heard you cry out, and I scrambled out of my tent just in time to see your armour hit the ground. Morrigan was there, and when Alistair came out of his tent, she turned on him. She shouted that it was his fault; honestly I've never seen her so angry. I thought she might kill him. He got nervous -- I think he thought she was going to light him on fire or something -- and at least he didn't smite her, but he stole her mana. She got even angrier, and just walked up to him and punched him right in the eye. He flopped down like a sack of flour, and then she told him that if he didn't tell us what he'd done, she would."

I giggled at the mental image of Morrigan, stripped of mana, punching Alistair. "Oh, I wish I'd seen that!"

"Yeah, I laughed, until I realised that something big must have happened. He told us what he was worried about, what he'd accused you of...everyone was so angry, Wynne wouldn't even heal his black eye, and I thought Leliana might give him another one. Morrigan threw your necklace at him, and his face went all white, like he was going to be sick.