All Comments on 'Things That Go Hump in the Night Ch. 01'
by Nigel
- 12 Comments
SydneyBlakeabout 13 years agoThat's what sparked my interest and made me want to read it. Good call.
And this was a fun little romp. I can see it headed in some interesting directions.
As for your writing, not bad. I can hear the character's voice. And he's a character that I like, so all's good.
I would say that there were moments when you pulled me out of the story. For example, when you stopped the action (right in the middle of the sex, too) to describe Sandy. You want the reader to stay in the story, most especially during what should be the hottest scenes.
You write well. A diamond in the rough, so to speak. I would suggest that you do a little studying on how to write, and you could go places.
Keep writing!
mamasotaover 10 years agoThat was a sweet read, Nigel. I enjoy the "watching" aspect, it's a really big turn-on!
Especially how she caught Phil offguard. I liked the images you gave and Sandy's dirty talk, nice! one thing I would have liked if your roommate had passed out quicker and Phil be the one she sucked off when she realized he was watching, stroking to her humping, and then fucked her properly after, not much the squirting for me. But if you have a Part 2, then I'll see Phil in action. Thank you for my afternoon tingle.
Anonymousabout 8 years agoGood writing, sexy story. It's great to read of women who love sex and don't seem like caricatures from fantasies. Or maybe it is just refreshing that this author fantasizes about three dimensional, interesting women.
