All Comments on 'Three Square Meals Ch. 010'

Well done!

Good sexy sci-fi. Can't wait to read more.

Wished it was longer…lol. Looking forward to next chapter.

And why is chapter 11 not up yet? lol. Can't wait for the next

Calara jumping back and forth between her tactical station and the loading bay to dish out a little rifle fire kinda prompted a double take for me.

But great fun non the less.

That was another error Terry, Calara was up on the bridge the entire fight, that should have been Alyssa.

I noticed that mistake when I resubmitted the story with the other correction, but thanks for flagging it up. You lot have eyes like hawks!

Glad everyone is enjoying the story, Chapter 11 has been submitted, will be up in a day or so I'd guess.

Karron reminds me a bit of Omega in ME - if you've played the game. Not quite as big and important, but all the seedy undertones are there. Shame all John has to deal with are some worthless, deluded wanna-be, such as Seb. If John were to deal with someone much more imposing and capable, like the Queen of Omega, now that could be much more delicious, even if there was no sex in the end. Of course, what I'm saying here is just an observation for your future reference and/or one of many options you might have.

Because, really, you have so much options here with this story. Maybe it's too much to hope for, but you can really make something big out of it if you're up to it. Having John and his *cough* crew make a name and profit for themselves throughout the free and dangerous regions of border worlds and independent star clusters seems like a promising prospect. From a reader's point of view, it actually is much more interesting to read something like that. Captain Kirk might be loved by all, but it's men like Riddick that people are really fascinated by.

So. I liked the Mexican standoff. The whole scene played out nicely, especially since these things are hard to write. Now, I'll advise you to take a bit more time to develop the female characters properly. We know John, and Alyssa has been around for a while, so the character depictions of her and John were done the most extensively. Calara was less so unfortunately, and there was not a lot of time, and Sparks has just appeared. So I think that it'd be wise for you to take a bit of time and flesh out the non-sex dynamics of these people. I know we all love these quick updates, but now that you're doing this good, people will appreciate quality too, you know :)

That's about it. The character development and pacing of that development is what you should pay just a bit of attention to - nothing big. Just pace it so it doesn't run away from you - you know?

That's it from me. For now :)

The sounds and dialogue you use for the sex scenes are repeated quite often, the dialogue a bit awkward, but otherwise a decent story. I look forward to the adventures and mishaps they run into. A reveal of Johns parentage should be in the works. Of course some mechanics were overlooked, a firefight should have brought port authorities... And leaving dead bodies in hangars should have required the Invictus to stay a couple of days to clear up the mess.

Thanks for the feedback on the sex scenes, I'll try and vary it up a bit. I haven't forgotten John's mysterious past, its something I might reveal eventually. ;)

I'll explain my reasoning on the other points you raised.

Regarding the fight mechanics:

It's a dive of a mining colony on the extreme edge of Terran space. There isn't much law there and what there is consists of a handful of rentacop equivalents. In a gang shootout, they are just going to keep their heads down and not get involved until the smoke clears.

"I better speak to the Star port authorities and explain the carnage in the Loading bay"

John is Commander rank special ops. "Explaining the carnage" meant:

It was legitimate use of force in self-defence, please clean up the mess. My rank means I'm not to be questioned and no detention Is necessary.

It didn't seem like an interesting conversation though, so I skipped over it to focus on the girls interacting together on the bridge.

Hey everyone.

My edited version is now up and has corrected a couple of errors I made with incorrect character names in my first draft. Thank you everyone who pointed them out!

I have deleted a couple of comments that referred to one of the names, so apologies for doing that. I never normally delete feedback but this naming mistake accidentally spoiled a minor plot point later on in the story, so I've removed all references to it for the sake of any new readers who are also looking at the comments.

With so many people commenting that they want less sex in the story, I just wanted to say that I like the amount of sex the way it is.

Just catching up on this story and there are some glaring issues. First is the fact that the authorities never even showed up to see what all the shooting and laser fire was about in the loading bay. I know this is a mining asteroid, but there has to be some form of government and authority and there were guards at the entrance they checking in at. Second is the "assumption" that the mine owner had crawled off the ship. Clearly he is still on board and going to cause trouble, but John is not the kind of skipper to just make this kind of mistake.

Hey, thanks for leaving the comment.

I addressed the rentacops keeping their heads down in a comment earlier, but in case you missed it, here's a more detailed explanation. They are on the extreme edge of Terran Federation space, a months travel time from the core worlds and a good few weeks away from Port Heracles, which is the last sector starbase in this direction.

Karron is run by the mine owners and the street gangs. What passes for a police presence runs the starport, but they keep their heads down and don't get involved with gang on gang violence.

Seb had his hand shot off, so there was a lot of blood, and a trail of it led out of the docking bay...

love it love it love it

nit pickers go home you should be 18 or older sex is sex im 71 and really enjoy story

hope it keeps on

paps

Tefler,

I found this the best chapter so far. It had more action, I enjoyed the Sci-Fi parts. John is pragmatic, so the mind reading reveal worked.

Thanks for writing this

Just finished chapter 10. Iike the way you think. You must have some Scottish genes in you...

Enjoyed second-time read; better bedroom vs story action balance is great. The Game of Thrones ref may seem odd at this point in the story, but it is not as it progresses.

Ah, classic Sparks. Just love how she succinctly sums up the terms of enlistment to join the crew. She's a great character and I wish we could see more of her. Oh, wait! We do! There's another 57 (soon to be 58) chapters after this one!

Tefler you have the right formula. It keeps getting better.

When you get this chapter ready for the books you may want to include a conversation with the port authority as I can see some people may find issue with it being glossed over. You have a great outline in the comments just expand on some of the issues and remember in a situation like this is figure most port guard are probably curroupt hints why the mine own and gangs probably run the asteroid more than tfed

Love the story and you're a very good writer. Some advice from other readers may come in handy, but you're the author - it's your imagination that got you here - so always write what YOU think is best. You'll never be able to please everyone and, by now, I think you can trust yourself to keep the story interesting. Thanks for posting, it's a great story and I'm looking forward to reading it all. Thanks!

Interesting I wonder if it is done intentionally or just a coincidence. I never noticed it before.

Dana has no idea what the future holds but its one heck of ride for her and the crew with all the tech she'll discover, reverse engineer or upgrade!

All aboard Tefler's galactic Rollercoaster! - Kirk

I thought that “sparks” was the nickname for the radio operator/electrician on WW2 boats. The chief engineer is called the “Cheng”.

If after the firefight they contact/inform the authority or better yet have the authority contact them to clear the air... then a quick line on cleaning out the cargo space of corpses/dead body blood stains... maybe a calm down scene before transitioning into recruiting Sparks... yeah this part seems out of order and a bit rushed for some reason.

Very much enjoying the story.

Now THATS what I'm talking about! The story is really kicking in, Lots of Action/Fight scenes and still lots of good old fashioned BOINKING!! Gotta love the sex scenes.

Thank you Tefler for the GREAT writing and the entertainment.

Luke

And so it begins. Time to kick it up a notch

I can't believe how captivating this story is. This author pumps this stuff out so fast. What an incredible mind!

On my second read through, this story is amazing and for anyone on their first read, it keeps getting better and better, this is a Sci-Fi epic beyond anything I've ever read.

I will have to say though that Sparks is probably my favourite amongst the girls :)

of course there will be anachronisms but Daddy Warbucks? on Karron? ridiculous

@ Anon with the issue with the 'Daddy Warbucks' term being flung about.

I only just thought about this after starting the next chapter but it could have actually been a veiled humorous poke at Sparks being akin to their very own 'Little Orphan Annie'. A smart mouthed red headed orphan, taken away from it all to live in the life of relative luxury. So rather than an anachronistic cultural hold over from 800 years previous, think of it as just a contextual gag hidden away by the author.

about 3 months ago a James Duncan stated that he thought Sparks was his favorite... I tend to agree, and in this chapter, we find out a little bit about her, the crew saves her from Karron / the Diablos and offer her hope for the first time that she can remember... Is this story getting even better or what?? ;-) TTFN

Can you imagine Sparks? Has a best friend one day and then has to help her escape on the Fools Gold. So sparks is all alone now and then Alyssa just rocks up and offers her the world.

Until they hit the FTL drives I don’t think sparks could have believed it. Nothing but despair to hope and happiness and her friend back.

It just gets better and better...

This is the best series and I recon this is my third time reading it.

Issue 1: why would the Diablos be pointing guns at John when Seb was the one holding Sparks captive at gunpoint?

Issue 2: You just got shot at and you are a sitting duck on a loading platform. Why not clear space before doing a "debriefing" with your new engineer?

Poor scripting will cost you points.... when so far a story of back to back space blowjobs seems about the best we can expect from the rest of the 130-some remaining chapters.

This keeps getting Beter, thank you

Good action, loved this instalment.

-- Yay! a blonde, a brunette, and now a redhead, things are looking up! and Sparks will really 'fix' things, ... ;-) TTFN

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"Well show me where to sign up!!" Sparks grinned excitedly.

Now my fav joins the team yeha Sparks rocks!!

Gotta luv Sparks!

Man, I just love this story. Tef… thanks. Keep it up!

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ and 2 thumbs up to grow on....

I do really like Alyssa and Calara, blonde and brunette, but just like John, that feisty redhead really gets me going too, ... and now that the Invictus has Sparks aboard, things will get better / improved, gear and weapons, ... looking forward to the future, ... ;-) ttfn

patiently waiting for the yellow N

Damn good storytelling and great character development. Honestly it’s more than I was expecting. It seems you listen to your comments and make adjustments accordingly. Whoever your editor is, they’re doing a great job, almost no errors. I’m afraid I’ll be binging this story. So much for my productivity this month lol.

With chapter #10 we get Sparks, Yay! -- and nice shooting girls, ... poor Seb needs a new hand now, ... ;-) ttfn