To Love a Stray Ch. 21

"Small cabin?" I ask curious. "This is the first I heard of it,"

"Marissa and Wade are being moved out of this house," Jazzy says firmly.

I glance at Dwayne in surprise and find him watching me.

"Mitchell said we can't turn Marissa out of the clan, she would have no place to go and she will need Wade. She will always need him," Dwayne tells me.

"I'll need to speak to Mitchell about this," I say as thoughts of the possible hostility from other clans run through my mind.

Away from the protection of the entire force of warriors Mitchell and Jazzy could become easy targets for aggression or attacks.

Raised voices outside catch my attention and I turn my head to listen intently. I glance at Dwayne and see he has noticed the noise outside as well.

"I'll go and see what's ..." I begin only to have my words cut off mid sentence as the back door slams noisily and the sound of someone hurrying in can be heard. The screen door opens and closes more softly just as Donny rushes into the room.

"There's trouble outside and Mitchell wants both Dwayne and Micah out there," Donny says as he glances around.

Stephan walks into the room and is followed by Mikkarl.

"Donny, you make another phone call to the police," Stephan says firmly before glancing at me. "Human trouble,"

The two words are explanation enough and I head outside with Dwayne following behind me. As soon as I am outside the yard I spot the little blue hatchback stopped near the quarters. All of the warriors are gathered in a loose circle around it and I can hear the angry tones of Mitchell's voice.

" ...I repeat, you have two choices – either get in your vehicle and get off private property or wait for the police to escort you off and if you decide on the later be sure there will be charges pressed!" Mitchell all but growls as I approach.

"I am not leaving until I know she is okay!" A feminine voice snaps angrily and I feel every hair on my head stands on end.

I reach the loose circle of toms and push between Sam and Malcolm to stare at the woman they surround. As soon as I see her some instinct tells me who she is. That voice, hell, even the way she holds herself.

"Who the hell do you think you are coming here ..." I begin angrily.

"You! You're him!" She exclaims as she turns to face me fully.

Shoulder length fiery red hair whips around her face obscuring her view for a moment; she flicks it off her face with a very feminine motion of her hand. Both hands are planted on her hips as she sets her feet shoulder width apart while glaring up at me.

"You bastard! What have you done with Tawny? Where is she?" The little dynamo demands angrily. "If you've hurt her in any way I will make you regret ever meeting her!"

Rage boils within me as I get to face one of my rivals, and I can't help admiring her beauty. Smooth latte coloured skin, cloudy green eyes, finely etched delicate face and full lips ... my eyes drift down over her body. Slender and willowy but with fuller curves than Rosy ... the comparison brings her identity to the front of my mind! HER!

LILLY!

"Get in your car and get the hell out of here before I do something we will both regret!" I snarl as I take a step forward.

"I am not leaving until I see Tawny!" Lilly declares angrily. She takes a step forward bringing us nearly toe to toe.

"I do not believe Tawny is not here." She says stressing each word clearly. "She would not just not answer her phone knowing how worried I am about her."

"Get. In. Your. Car. And. Go. To. Hell!" I say drawing on all my authority and channelling it into my voice.

I watch as she blinks uncertainly, hesitates a moment, then takes a step backwards.

"Leave," I snarl the order.

With each step backwards she takes I step forward until she backs up against the side of her car.

"Leave!" This time it comes out as a roar.

"You're nothing but a fucking animal!" Lilly lets fly with unexpected spirit and I step back with an angry hiss as she jerks her door open to climb behind the wheel hurriedly.

I can hear the loud pounding of my heart and the harsh sound of my own breathing as I watch the little car speed out the driveway. Rage churns inside me and my inner cat is so enraged I am surprised I didn't change in front of her.

"Micah?" The tone of Steven's voice tells me this is not the first time he has said my name but I turn away and stalk towards the shed where the workout equipment is kept. If I don't release some of my rage with exercise I won't be able to last through Jazzy's wedding in a couple of hours.

I hear someone following behind me and I stop abruptly, "What do you want?" I demand savagely without turning around.

"We have about an hour and a half before we need to shower and get ready for the wedding," Dwayne says softly and calmly.

"If I'm not back in the quarters in an hour send some to come and get me." I snap the order out tightly before stalking away once again.

*****

Rosy

I sit in an old-fashioned rocking chair staring at the wall on the other side of the room. I am in what is like a self contained unit connected to Alan Cumming's house. I have two bedrooms, a living room, a small kitchen and a bathroom combined with a toilet. All windows have heavy-duty security screens on them and a cell like door sections off my apartment from the rest of the house.

A half eaten bowl of muesli sits on a small coffee table beside my chair along with an untouched cup of lukewarm tea. The food supplied in the kitchen has little appeal to me and I have barely eaten since arriving here.

I close my eyes for a moment but open them hurriedly as I feel a presence. I grit my teeth and stare at the painting on the far wall but the unwelcome presence lingers patiently and I grip the arm of my chair tightly with my uninjured hand.

"Go away," I mutter under my breath angrily.

The sensation of not being alone becomes stronger and the soft vibration of laughter moves through my mind.

'I am not leaving you can't ignore me. That won't work, it never has.'

I grind my teeth as a dark image fills my mind. A violet eye looks into mine for a few seconds before the beast moves. Dark glossy hide moves past, the faint patterning barely visible. I can't prevent flinching as the sensation of fur brushes against the side of my face.

"Go! Get back where you belong." I snap angrily.

I scrub at the side of my face with my good hand trying to remove the tingling sensation. I take a deep breath and hold it as I imagine the dark form being pushed deeper and deeper into the shadows.

Only the gleam of eyes show in the darkness and I reach out with both hands to pull the solid doors closed. I can feel the coldness of metal on my palms and I nearly hiss with satisfaction as the doors close with an audible click. I take several steps back to admire the locked doors in front of me.

'It's not so simple. It will never be so easy again.'

I watch in disbelief as the doors shimmer and seem to melt as the dark form steps through them. Rounded ears, long whiskers, sleek neck and shoulders. The body is slender but I spy the telltale fullness and the soft fluffy fur of the under-belly. Her tail moves in a slow, languid motion as if she is a contented canine but there is no mistaking her feline form.

"Go away!" I yell and find myself moving spasmodically making the chair rock.

'You can't ignore me anymore. I refuse to let you pretend like I'm not a part of you.'

"Get back where you belong!" I hiss angrily as I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and imagine my hands pushing against that dark hide.

I gasp in shock as my hands seem to sink into the dark form. I try turning sideways so my hip pushes against a front shoulder but her form seems to shimmer and melt as I move through her! I turn around to face her where she stands behind me but she is already moving back to where she was previously.

"Stop it!"

'You are me, and I am you.'

"No!"

'We are one.'

"No, no, no, no! Go away! Leave me alone!"

I can feel hair cutting into my fingers and I pull intending to hurt her but she has hold of me as well and I can feel the pain in my scalp as my hair is pulled. I swallow a sob and pull harder, ignoring the pain as her claws dig into my head. She shakes me roughly and I feel my head and shoulders bouncing against something behind me.

'Stop it, stop it already. Enough...'

"..I said stop it!"

I open my eyes hurriedly as a masculine voice penetrates into my awareness and I stare shocked at the face in front of me.

For a moment I think it is Chris here with me in a place full of strangers, but then a strangers scent washes over me and I lash out with my feet in panic.

A Stray!

"Get away from me! Get away!" I scream even as he backs away hurriedly. I scramble to my feet frantically and back away from him only to find myself backing into a solid, warm wall.

"Steady on," The voice is behind me and the hands that grasp my shoulders are gentle but I jerk away and move so I could see them both as I backed away.

"Leave me alone! Go away, just go away." I demand frantically even as I recognise Jakob Perkins and Drew Dorrington two of Alan Cumming's werecats.

"Hey, steady on, you know us." Jake says softly.

'Yeah, we know them. They're kind of cute. Invite them to stay for a while. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, I'm sick of your mopping around.'

"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want them here, I don't care what you want!" I scream in an effort to make what I want matter.

"Rosy look at me," Jake is urging over and over again.

Fear fills me over whelming me. I refuse to look at him even though I can hear him trying to sneak closer. All around me I can smell the acrid stench of cat, it increases my panic and I can't control it.

Cats, cats everywhere closing in on me from all sides. I glance around frantically but I can only see the one, him, off to one side. I manage a glance behind myself but can't make out anything or anyone there. Hadn't there been another cat here moments ago?

'I'm still here, there's no getting rid of me.'

I spin around desperately trying to catch sight of the dark form I know is lurking nearby. I know that voice, that purring tone. Something bad always happens when it appears.

'Huh? Bad? Explain...'

"Go away! Stop harassing me!" I sob.

"Rosy!" There is a loud noise then my name is called again. "Rosy!"

The voice is familiar and I remember it is associated with a feeling of safety as I turn towards it hopefully. I recognise the man standing there, Alan, the name comes to me and I take a deep breath in relief.

The smell burns in my nostrils and down the back of my throat. Werecat! Not just a cat!

A larger black cat stalking towards me, he stops and slowly changes into a man ... black shadows chasing me, my muscles burn with exhaustion and I can't get enough air into my lungs ...

"Get away from me you bloody animal!" I scream as I grab something off the kitchen bench beside me and throw it towards him with as much force as I can muster. I don't see if it hits him, I am too busy looking around for something else to use as a weapon to keep him from hurting me.

'Fool, he doesn't want to hurt us.'

My sobs catch in my chest and rasp in my throat when they burst free. More images run through my mind, I know they are only memories but still the fear and horror tear at me.

I am dimly aware of the sound of breaking glass or china, I know what the sound is, what it means but I can't stop myself grabbing something else to throw.

'You're being silly! Stop and think about what you're doing!'

"Enough is enough!" A masculine voice orders as strong arms engulf me.

I can feel a hard cold wall against my back and a strong, muscular body pressing against the swell of my stomach and my tender breasts. Something cups the back of my head and I find my face pressed forcibly against a chest where I can hear a heart beating.

Hot sweaty male bodies pressing me down... Grasping hands and the ground hard beneath me... Hard cruel faces above mine ...

'Memories, they are all memories! Stop fighting! You'll only end up getting hurt!'

I feel dizzy and I am aware in some corner of my mind that I am hyperventilating. I feel my unborn child somersault in my stomach and I know he can feel my terror. I can smell werecat just beneath my nose and I bite down viciously as I strike out with both hands heedless of the cast on my broken arm. My reward is a soft startled grunt of pain and I brace myself for the beating I know will follow.

A hand cups my chin and my face is forced to turn to the side, I feel material slip from between my teeth and I open my mouth to suck in much needed air.

"You mongrel! Dirty bloody cat! I hate you!" I scream abuse at my captor.

"Shhh, no one is going to hurt you," he croons softly to me but I am too smart to be taken in by his lies.

"Micah! Mitchell! Sam! Help me," I scream on a sob.

Even though they are cats I know they are my last hope, that they will always protect me if they are here. Suddenly the memory of the break-up with Micah hits me and I stop fighting. I have no reason left to fight for.

"I ... hate ... you," I gasp between sobs. "I hate ... the ... bloody lot of ... yous! ...I hate all cats! Every single ... one of you!"

I feel and hear the rumble of laughter in the chest beneath my cheek as I all but collapse against the hard body of whoever has a hold of me. Something deep in my chest hurts, an empty hollow ache and a profound sense of sadness fills my mind.

"Oh come on," He says with a dry chuckle. "You don't hate your inner cat, none of us do. They are a part of what and who we are,"

He tilts my head back and I open my eyes to look up into his face. It's Jake Perkins and he smiles down into my face as he raises his eyebrows. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes, I can feel them roll towards the hair near my ears and I sniffle noisily.

"But I do," I manage to get it out before giving a noisy gasping sob. "I hate ... her most of ... all."

As I utter the words I realise they are true, I hate my inner cat.

"If it ... wasn't for her," I pause and take several deep breaths as I struggle to stop crying. " Strays wouldn't chase me, catch me and do horrible, horrible things to me. This ..."

I look down between us and run a hand over the fullness that swells my body.

"Wouldn't have been forced on me. But most of all I hate her 'cause if she didn't exist the Darnels would never have come after me and murdered my Daddy," I say bitterly and let my forehead rest against his chest.

I feel the tears flowing down my cheeks. The harsh sobs that claw their way up out of my chest shaking my body as they go. I hear the concern in Jake's voice as he lifts me up, talking to me as he moves.

I don't understand his words as he speaks, as they are lost beneath the low mournful sound within me.

'You can't hate me, I am you and you are me...'

I cry until I have no tears left, until my eyes feel gritty and my throat feels raw. My breath comes in little hiccups and my head aches feeling as if it is stuffed with dry sawdust.

Slowly I become aware that whoever is holding me is sitting on the lounge with me on their lap. There is a damp shirt against the side of my face and the steady rhythm of a heart beat beneath my ear.

I sniff loudly and raise a hand to rub at the stiff feeling skin on my cheek. My nose is stuffy but I get enough of a scent to tell me it is Jake Perkins holding me. I want to pull away from him, move away and sit in a chair by myself but I have no strength or energy to move.

I hear a slight scuff as if someone has moved and then someone cups my lower jaw and turns my face away Jake's body. A cup is held against my lips and I can smell a strong aroma of peppermint as Jake catches hold of my free arm and prevents me pushing the cup away.

"Rosy, here drink this," Alan says firmly.

I press my lips together more firmly as I open my eyes apprehensively, I try to turn my face away as I find Alan leaning close but he tightens his hold on my face.

"It's just something to help you relax," Alan says evenly. "I give it to my second youngest son when he has nightmares. It won't hurt you, just help you relax and rest like hot milk or cocoa would."

I exhale sharply and struggle to escape their hold. I am scared it is some kind of drug to sedate me so they can do whatever they want to me.

'Don't be silly! They don't want to hurt us. They're worried about us. I can smell it on them.'

Alan persists a little longer before releasing his hold of my lower jaw and straightening reluctantly. I can feel myself shaking as I watch him warily as I try to wipe my face on my own shoulder to remove the liquid from my lips.

"I won't force you to take it," Alan says with a frown and glances down at the plastic cup in his hand.

'Listen to what my senses are telling your stupid human part of our brain! Neither of them wants to hurt us! Smell! They just want you to stop freaking out!'

"Just shut up and leave me alone! Go away and leave me alone," I yell at the soft murmur.

'I won't go away. I am here to stay,' She gives a low rumbling growl of displeasure

"I can't hear a thing, I'm not listening. I'm not listening," I chant frantically as I try to cover both of my ears with my hands.

I fight against whoever is holding my uninjured arm. I catch sight of Jake as I turn my head, he has both of his arms wrapped around me tightly trying to prevent me doing what I want to.

'Stop it before you hurt yourself! Getting upset is upsetting our kitt as well!'

"Calm down, you don't want to hurt yourself or strain anything." Alan says in a voice laden with concern.

I stop struggling momentarily and look into his face. I see real concern in his eyes as he meets my eyes before dropping his gaze to my swollen belly for a second or two. I can feel my heart racing in my chest as I gulp air raggedly. There is the background roar of my pulse in my ears and I can smell my own distrust and panic.

"You're not concerned about me!" I scream at him as wild thoughts rush through my mind.

"All you're worried about is this kitt! That's all anyone has ever been worried about! I don't exist for anyone beyond this ... this ... this parasite inside me! No one cares about me! My brothers aren't here! My so-called friends aren't here! Well I don't need them! I'll show them ... I'll show the lot of you!" I stop ranting shocked by the words that have poured from me. I see sorrow and pity in Alan's eyes as he turns away hurriedly and it sparks something inside me.

"I'm glad my brothers aren't here! I don't want or need them! As for this ... this parasite I wish I would loose it! I hope it is born dead! It's nothing to me!" The words spew forth like acid. They burn themselves deep into me and I am shocked to find that there is a tiny part of me somewhere deep inside that means those horrible, cruel, hateful words.

'I'll kill us both before I let you harm this kitt ...'

It feels like I am detached from myself. Like I have no control over what I am saying. It is almost as if each word is picked for it's ability to wound and scar myself as well as others. A strange numbness begins to settle over me as I close my eyes and turn my face away from those in the room. Somewhere beneath that numbness an empty ache simmers away, slowly it grows in the silence of the room. I feel every beat of my heart echo in the empty void of my chest. I feel every breathy gust sweep through my throat as I breathe.

'This is what no one caring feels like...'

"If my brothers really cared about me they would be with me," I mutter to myself.

I open my eyes to stare at the wall. My eyes feel dry and gritty from the excess of tears I have cried. My mind and body feel weird, somehow disconnected.