Too Far Gone Ch. 02

"Bryce, did you hear me?"

Shit. Fuck. Alice. "Sorry, what were you saying?" I was too tired to be dealing with her bullshit tonight. I should have stayed over at Lynn's.

"Why aren't you going to your own graduation?"

I turned and looked at her, suddenly alert. So that's what this was about. But how did she know I wasn't going to walk. It was supposed to be my own surprise for her stupid speech.

"Who told you?"

"That doesn't matter, Bryce. I want to know why you don't want to walk."

What the hell was going on here? First I find her snooping around in my room, now she's getting into my personal business. Then it clicked, it made sense. My little mouse in the office had turned into a rat. After all, I had just given notice today. It was looking like Virginia was going to have to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut. I paid her a lot of good money to keep my absences off the books and to keep quiet about it. But there were other ways to get things done as well.

But why would she tell Alice though? Her fucking speech. It's probably pretty lame trying to give a speech at your little brother's graduation when he isn't there. I didn't care though. It wasn't my problem. This was just more Alice-styled bullshit. I didn't care what she thought, how it might make her look, or how she felt about it. I was already finished with this conversation before we'd even had it. But just having her here, in my room, in my space, was making it hard for me to keep my cool. "Because I'm done. Is that okay with you? I'm done being last. I'm done not fitting into this stupid fucking family. And I'm done trying!" It was like having alcohol poured over an open wound. As much as it hurt, I felt cleaner for it, sanitized.

But she was still there. An open wound. In my room. On my bed. "Get out."

"Bry-"

"No. Fuck you, fuck Adrian, and fuck the 'rents. I'm done. It's just me. It's always been just me. And now that I'm starting to be okay with that, you want to come around and fuck it up. Get the fuck out."

She sat there, still stunned I think from my own soul cleansing. When she finally did start to get up she moved slowly, dazed, walking to the door. As she closed it she stopped. "You know, you're right. There is too little of you in our family, and that's probably our fault, I'll admit that. Adrian and I both should have done a better job of not letting you drift so far from us. And I'm sorry for that." She turned and looked me straight in my eyes. "But I'm reaching out. You're the one that's letting it go on now." With that, she closed the door.

I sat down on my bed. She disappeared from my sight and left me, and I was once again locked into my world. Except, now, I was the one with the keys.

Trapped with myself, I thought, "You might be right, Alice. But I've come too far now."

----

Alice

Progress is a slow process. Believe it or not, building a brand new relationship is much easier than fixing one. Building starts from the very beginning, but fixing... You're trying to reset to a preferable point that both parties agree to. And, unfortunately, I had no idea where my little brother wanted to reset to. But that night had been cleansing for both of us.

I admitted my fault. And I apologized. But I was the one with the outstretched hand now. Bryce wasn't willing to take it yet, but he was looking at it. At least, I hoped he was. Sometimes, I think he was afraid I would snatch it away if he reached out. Had I done that? Honestly, I had be so wrapped up in me and Adrian for so long I wasn't sure. Was there some point in time where he had reached for me and I pulled back?

It didn't matter. Well, it mattered, since it mattered to him, but I was here now. Offering that hand again. I knew it would take him some time to take it, but I was willing to be patient. And there were signs that morning that something had gotten through. Bryce actually had breakfast with me. Granted, it was just a bowl of cereal, but he had actually sat down at the table and eaten in the same room as me. And that hadn't happened since I'd been home.

He didn't talk or say anything, but it was a start. Not that I was all that conversational either. After last night, I wasn't sure where we stood with each other. And I was tired. I had barely slept. Sometimes hope is a horrible thing.

I had gone to my room, laid my psych book out, opened it up to some random page, and waited, hoping, that Bryce would knock on my door. But he hadn't come, no one had knocked, and my hoped died a little more last night. As Nietzsche said, "Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man."

Still though, hope springs eternal. And I had witnessed that as I sat down my spoon and just looked at him, drinking him in. There was nothing really defining about Bryce. Dark eyes, black hair, manly face. Put him in a crowd, and no one would point him out. But there was something hurt and honest and real behind that bland look he kept painted on. I had read it, I had caught a flash of it, and, maybe, hopefully, I had even broken through a little bit.

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him. He glanced up at me from his cereal and I smiled.

"What?"

"Nothing," I said.

He looked at me strangely, then sat his spoon down, picked up the bowl, and gulped down the leftover milk. In a matter of seconds, without even a goodbye or second glance, he had grabbed his backpack and was out the door. Still, for the first time in I can't even remember how long, I had breakfast with my little brother. Progress.

I remember complaining to one of my professors when I was a freshman. He told me, "If you take two steps forward and one step back, you're still better off than if you had never moved at all." Progress. It was time to take a step back.

I went into Bryce's room, found his little hidey-hole, and grabbed a journal. If I had his system right, this one was from when he was a freshman. I opened it and flipped through the pages. I saw a couple of black pages, but that's not what really caught my attention. Unlike the others, this one had drawing and pieces of memorabilia inside it, all taped or glued down. The one that worried me the most was his student ID. He had scratched out his own eyes. I shook my head. I was sure that wasn't a good sign, but I needed to look it up in my psych book. I had just found a black page when I heard the door closing. I shoved the book back in into its hidey-hole and walked out into the hallway. Bryce was just turning down it from the other side.

"Hey, I was just looking for you," I said.

"Why," he frowned.

Why indeed, I thought to myself. "Because I haven't gotten to spend any time with my little brother. And I wanted to get you to go to the mall with me, I need to buy a dress for your graduation."

"I'm not walking, so that doesn't really concern me."

Wow, that was kind of formal, I thought. "Well, I was hoping you would change your mind on that and give the family a chance to celebrate your success." He snorted and started to walk by me before I grabbed his arm to stop him. Okay, time to bring out the big guns, I thought to myself. It was time for Big Eyes. "Either way, I need a dress for my speech and I'd like to spend some time with you." I put all I could into my eyes. These were the eyes that had gotten me my brother, gotten my father to by me a new car, and gotten me out of more curfew snafus than I could count.

He sighed, "Fine. Can I set my things down first?"

"Sure," I smiled. Once again, I have proven the power of my feminine wiles and the authority a woman has inside her family. Big Eyes 15, male family members 0.

It was a quiet ride to the mall. I had turned down the radio, thinking we would talk, but Bryce was pretty monosyllabic.

"So, how was school?"

"Fine."

"Did anything interesting happen?"

"No."

"Have you picked out a college yet?"

"Meh."

He didn't even look at me. The whole ride he just stared out the window, his body was oriented completely away from me. I gave in and turned the radio up. Well, that's okay, this was a shopping expedition and I had Adrian's credit card, and that meant I could drag it out as long as I wanted to. Plus, it was just Bryce and me. Plenty of time to wear him down. If I didn't wear him out first.

----

Bryce

How the hell did I end up here? I sit down on one of the chairs the shoe store graciously provided for the male companions of its female cliental. Thank God for chairs. Stable, firm, reassuring chairs. She had marched me around this damn building a full three times before she even tried on a shoe. And why the hell was she trying on shoes? I remember being dragged along to find a dress! But, of course, "the shoes need to match the dress and the only way to make sure of that is to get them both at the same time, silly."

And she had the nerve to smile while she said it. They called this thing a mall, but it was really some evil temple dedicated to the diabolical torture of all men.

"So, what do you think about these."

"They're fine." And they were. All fifty thousand times she had asked.

"Bryce. You didn't even look."

I sighed and looked down. I was right. They were fine. Very fine. A blue open toed stiletto that showed off her rose painted little toes and the 4" heel led gracefully up to the very... graceful curve of her calf, which led to a very... graceful thigh... which led...

Nope. Its Alice, I reminded myself. Everything was graceful and cute and 2. fucking 0. Alice 2.0. The Beauty and the Brain. "Their fine."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah."

"Me too. Okay, I'm getting them."

I sighed as she took them off, and watched with disbelief as she walked up to the register. Now she had the blue pair, the red pair, the black pair, the purple pair, and the violet pair that looked just like the purple pair except for that fact that she and the salesman both assured me it was a completely different color. Why in the hell did the mall even have this many shoe places? And when the hell was she going to by a damn dress!?

"Ready," she asked. She looked all innocent and nice but this was clearly some kind of punishment. This went beyond simple family issues. This was clearly some sort of female-male warfare strategy because I wasn't the only one here. I had seen plenty of other men in my situation today. At least I only had six bags. One bag for each pair of shoes. Although I wasn't sure what the sixth bag was for, but I was pretty sure whatever it was, it was only there to balance me out.

"Can we-"

"Oh, look at this!" She shuffle/ran over to a rack and pulled out a pink dress. "Come on, I've got to try this on. Excuse me," where the hell did this random saleswoman come from, "where are the dressing rooms?"

"Right over there, ma'am."

I sighed as she went in and the door closed behind her. At least I had another chair. But it was pink. Which probably meant she needed another pair of shoes. She came out looking gorgeous. Yeah, she was definitely going to need pink shoes.

She did a quick spin. "So..."

"It's fine," I said.

She studied it in the mirror. "I'm not sure it's quite the right color to be considered formal though. What color are you wearing?"

"Black."

"I think I'll want to match. After all, it's your day. It wouldn't do to outshine, right?"

"Right. Wait! I'm not going to be there so it doesn't really matter," I said. I think I said it firmly, but I was pretty damn tired.

All she did was smile at me. It was sympathetic and pitying. "So, are you seeing anyone," she asked as she walked towards the dressing room.

"Bryce," she half-shouted, "we're supposed to be spending time together."

"We're both here at the same time. There you go."

"Come on, Bryce. This works both ways."

I sighed, remembering our last conversation. "Okay. Both ways. As long as you give as much as I do. Are you seeing someone?"

----

Alice

Shit. I kicked myself when I realized what the next question was after that one. 'Who?' And that was the last question I wanted to answer. Then again, I couldn't give up now. He had just decided to reach his own hand out a little bit. If I pulled back now, he might never do it again. "Yes, I'm seeing someone."

"So am I."

"Boy or girl."

"I'm not gay, you?"

"Obviously not. Your shopping skills suck," I said.

"You haven't given."

"Hetero. Are you happy?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I tied my laces up and walked out of the dressing room. "That's not an answer. Come on bro, give and take."

"I'm as happy as I'm allowed to be. Are you happy?"

"Yes and no. I was really happy, then I got a class assignment that made me realize I wasn't nearly as close to my little brother as I thought I was. I found out that I wasn't involved in his life in any real way, and I'm not happy about that at all. Plus, I don't think he really likes me much." I stopped and looked over at him. "But I'm working on it."

He looked at me, a little shocked at my confession. We walked on in silence for a few minutes as he absorbed what I had told him. "He likes you; he just doesn't trust you."

I turned into a dress shop as I thought about that. So he likes me, but he doesn't trust me. Sure, it would be a challenge, but I was determined. I was hell bent on being a positive force in my little brother's life.

I browsed through a couple of dresses quietly before I continued. "So what are your college plans?"

"Not answering. I already know your college plans, you're already there. There's no give and take there."

I held up a sleek black dress, "What do you think of this?"

"It's fine."

I sighed. I sighed deeply. "Our next bonding experience will not include any shopping," I said as I headed towards the dressing room. I really liked this one. I hoped it fit. I danced out of my jeans. "So, do you already have a suit?"

"Also a question where you're already living your answer," I heard from the other side of the door. "We both are."

I smiled. It was almost like we were playing a game. "Okay, favorite color then."

"I'm guessing that's a question on this class assignment?"

"Yeah, plus I want to know."

"You've been in my closet."

"So black then."

"Yep. You?"

"All of them. I enjoy the entire spectrum from white to black to pink and blue. If I had to choose though, I'd say tan. I find earth tones relaxing. Why black?"

"It's one of the pure, absolute, and perfect."

"Black is a lack of color or light. How is that pure?"

"Because it's a complete void. Perfection is when there is nothing left to take away."

I walked out the door and turned around. "Do you mind?" I heard his footsteps as he walked over and zipped up the back of the dress for me. Looking in the mirror, it was kind of strange, like a life statement. Here I was, looking great, and I did. The dress was beautiful, and with the right shoes and a little make up, I'd look even better. And there was my brother, in the mirror, barely visible behind me. And then I thought of something. I went and grabbed my phone from my purse. "Hey, come here." I grabbed him and pulled him next to me and took a quick picture of us in the mirror. I looked at the result. "You didn't smile."

"I never smile."

"Could you smile for me? Just this once?"

"Only if you don't smile." I looked at him. What a strange request. "Give and take, remember?"

"Then I want multiple pictures. We have one with me smiling and you not. Now, we need one with you smiling and me not, then one with both of us smiling, and then one with neither of us smiling. That would make us completely even."

"I'm pretty sure that one more picture of me smiling and you not smiling would be even."

"Yeah, but I need more pictures of us anyway. So smile!" I held up the camera and took another snapshot. This time we were both smiling. "Looks like we still need two more pictures," I said as I sat the phone down. "How do I look?"

"Fine."

"Is that your only answer?"

"Yep," he said as he walked back to the chair.

"Kay, then. I'm getting it." I went and changed clothes and then dragged him to the cashier.

"Are we done? You have a dress now, and more shoes than necessary."

"I guess. Come on, let's get something to eat."

----

Lynn

What the fuck?!

I come to the mall for a little shopping therapy and I find my boyfriend having lunch with his bitch-sister that he hates. Come on! What the fuck is this shit?! Bryce "Yce" Brunson is in the mall having lunch with Alice 2.0. How is that even possible? I needed to get in there.

"Hey Bryce," I said as I walked over and gave him a hug.

I could feel his body tense up beneath me before he realized who I was. "Hey, sweetheart. Lynn, this is my sister, Alice. Alice, this is my girlfriend, Lynn."

I saw the instant recognition in her eyes and wondered if she understood that we were mortal enemies. I had definite plans for Bryce, and they had nothing whatsoever to do with 2.0.

"Hey, Lynn! Long time, no see. Do you want to join us?"

"Sure," I said. "So what are you two doing here?"

"I needed to do a little shopping for my little brother's graduation."

I hated her. I hated her all over again. That stupid, pretty smile. That wonderful figure. The beautiful, gentle, singsong tone of her voice. I hated how fucking perfect she had the Goddamn nerve to be. "Oh, I thought you had decided not to walk, sweetie," I said to Bryce.

"I'm still thinking about it." There was enough hesitation in his voice that I knew that he knew that I wasn't happy about that. It wasn't so much about him walking or not walking. It was more the fact that someone else, that wasn't me, apparently had the power to influence his decisions.

"Well, I guess I need to buy a dress, then."

"Oh! Maybe we can help you out? We just finished the mythical hunt for the perfect dress. It does exist," she laughed.

Of course it exist. Alice was always perfect. Perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect life. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Except for her little brother. He wasn't perfect enough to fit into their perfect family. And now that I had taken him for myself, like some little kid, she suddenly wanted her toy back.

Well fuck that. I had full ownership to all the rights for Bryce. He was mine, and I wasn't going to be giving him up to anyone. I had spent years working on him. Research and development, testing, advertising. And I was fully invested in Bryce Inc. So no, Alice. You cannot have him. You cannot take him back. You cannot ruin everything I worked for. I am fully willing to fight you to the fucking grave before I give him up.

"That would be great! Just great," I replied.

"Cool, let me throw this away and we can take a look around."

I am a woman. A very fashionable woman. A woman determined to wear only what I like and disdain all else. And that stupid, little bitch ran me into the ground. She dragged me in and out of stores, talking all the time, forcing some fake friendship onto me until I finally surrendered and bought a dress and a pair of shoes and a necklace and a bracelet and a pair of earrings. I bought all of that, well, I made Bryce pay for all of that, just to make it end.

And poor Bryce. He looked so worn out. Physically and mentally. I might have been mad at him when this whole thing started, but, by the end, I just felt sorry for him.

And the whole time she just kept talking. To me, to Bryce, to salespeople. Reminiscing about our days in high school theater. Asking about our relationship. What were my plans? She even got me to promise to sit with the rest of their family during the graduation ceremony. How did that happen? I came to the mall to waste some time, thinking to get something sexy for Bryce's "skip graduation" party, and I ended up with a politely attractive outfit for the exact graduation he was supposed to be skipping.