Transcript

Julia: It was, I guess, but when your work is mostly a lot of snuggling, it's not that bad. The hand expression part wasn't even that big of a deal. It was kind of like masturbating. Sometimes I'd have to sneak off to a restroom stall after I'd finished expressing and get myself off a couple of times before I went back to work. I'd just get all worked up.

Interviewer: The dry nursing, though—

Julia: That was pleasant. It was nice being close to Adam that way, and it felt nice, it felt good.

Adam: I had no complaints.

—

Interviewer: So tell me about the day that it first worked.

Julia: You mean the first time I actually started producing milk?

Interviewer: Yes. Tell me about that first day.

Julia: Well, I was in the Quiet Room at work, doing hand expression like normal, except I wasn't used to actually expressing anything. It was more like massage, right? Anyway, I start to realize that I've got this nice burning feeling in my chest, this pleasant, warm sensation right around my boobs. I'd had that before, a little bit, and didn't produce anything, but I felt like this was stronger. I'm talking about feeling a let-down reflex, if it isn't obvious. So eventually I look down, and I notice that I've got a bunch of tiny white dots on my nipple, on the breast that I'm massaging.

Interviewer: That must have been exciting.

Julia: I almost whooped out loud. I was just fucking thrilled. I tasted it—I had to be sure, so I wiped it off my nipple and tasted it—and yup, it was the real thing.

Interviewer: Did you call Adam?

Julia: I was tempted; I really wanted to. But then I started to think about it, and I realized the best thing I could do was to make it a sort of surprise for him. I wanted to tell him right before he actually tasted it, before he sucked it from me for the first time.

Interviewer: So how did you work that?

Julia: Well, when I got home, I took off my top as usual—I remember I had to use a little extra deodorant because I was afraid I'd been too excited.

Adam: Oh, you never smell.

Julia: Well, I was afraid. So then I did some hand expression on each boob, because I wanted to be sure I could still do it, still let down. And I did; I did expression just long enough so that I got the little white dots of milk again, and then I got on the Internet and messaged some of my girlfriends, the ones who knew. And I was waiting for Adam to come home.

Interviewer: And when he did come home?

Julia: Well, it felt like forever, and when he did get there, I was sort of in a daze. Because now it was real. He was here and I was going to show him, and it was going to be real. It scared me a little.

Adam: And of course I was completely oblivious.

Julia: Well, you couldn't have known. And I tried to hide being nervous and feeling weird, feeling hazy, and just acted normal.

Interviewer: So how were you planning to introduce him to this new development?

Julia: Well, it was business as usual: we said hello, we kissed, and I told him it was time to go sit in the chair.

Interviewer: The nursing chair.

Julia: Well, it really hadn't been a nursing chair yet. It was our practice chair, our dry-nursing chair. I sat down like normal—and my top was off and so was my bra, I was topless— and then he came and straddled me, with his knees around my hips. And then I led his face to my breast. But right before he put his lips on me, I whispered to him.

Interviewer: What did you whisper?

Julia: I think it was, "I've got something new for you."

Adam: That was it.

Interviewer: Adam, what did you make of that?

Adam: I didn't really get what she meant, exactly. I wasn't expecting what I discovered, believe it or not. I was going to ask what she meant, but her nipple was about an inch from my lips, and I was tempted away by it.

Julia: He started suckling as usual and I just waited, I was waiting for that burning feeling again. And I was kind of nervous and excited, I realized, and I was afraid it wasn't going to happen, and that was making a vicious circle.

Adam: And of course I'm still completely clueless.

Julia: Well, you didn't know. So I cleared my mind, relaxed, breathed deeply. And I imagined letting milk out of my breast, through my nipple, imagined it going into Adam's mouth. And then I put my hand on my breast and started massaging it, sort of like I was doing hand expression.

Adam: I remember that. I was thinking: wow, she's really getting into this.

Julia: Well, I was! And I remember holding his head to me, pulling him close. I just had this urge.

Interviewer: And how long did this go on?

Julia: I don't really know, but it wasn't all that long. A few minutes maybe. And then I started getting the wonderful burning in my chest, right around my boobs, and then Adam said—

Adam: I said, "I can taste you."

Julia: Yeah, he pulled his mouth off of my boob and looked me right in the eyes and said that. And I just wanted to cry, I was so happy.

Interviewer: So what did you do?

Julia: Well, Adam put his mouth back onto my nipple again, like immediately, and he was doing these gigantic sucks.

Adam: I really wanted to taste it again.

Julia: Yeah, and it definitely was coming out, not a huge flow like it does now, but I could feel it, and I could feel Adam swallowing it.

Adam: That was amazing, that first time.

Julia: So then he comes off my boob again and says—before I could even ask—"You taste so good."

Adam: Actually I thought I said, "You taste wonderful." But 'good' works, too. You do taste good, and wonderful.

Interviewer: What does her milk taste like, Adam?

Adam: It's sweet. It's hard to describe otherwise; she has a sort of earthy flavor—

Julia: I guess that's appropriate.

Adam: (laughing) Yeah, maybe. It's hard to describe; it's a lot more subtle and nuanced than cow's milk—and it's got more flavor now than it did that first night, in those first days.

Interviewer: I take it that you like the flavor.

Adam: I love it, fucking love it. It tastes like her, like Julia, like somehow I would have expected her milk to taste. It's hard to explain, but it's like Julia in liquid form. (laughs)

Julia: So we kept going until I started to dry up—not that long, I don't think, until my boob started drying up—but then we switched boobs and finished that one, too.

Adam: I remember you crying.

Julia: I was, because I was just so goddamned happy that it had finally worked, and then I was kind of upset it didn't go for longer, than I ran out of milk so fast.

Adam: Well, that was just the first night.

Julia: I was just emotional, probably hormones. Anyway, I knew I'd make more. I remember drinking a lot of water and hoping my milk would come back in soon.

Adam: It did. The next morning you had more.

Julia: Yeah, I did. But first, we pretty much fucked all night.

Interviewer: All night?

Julia: Well, not really all night, but it felt like it. I'd say we were doing it on and off for maybe four hours.

Interviewer: Adam stayed up that whole time? His erection?

Adam: Oh, no way.

Julia: Yeah, I didn't mean that. I mean we'd have intercourse, or he'd be down on me. Or whatever. There were times were we'd just be laying together, kissing, waiting for his hard-on to come back. We'd lay there and whisper to each other. Adam would let his fingers graze through my underarm hair; he likes doing that sometimes.

Adam: It gives me a hard-on.

Julia: And I think it feels nice. Nowadays, if we're going to have marathon sex, we just use the interludes while we're waiting for Adam's erection to do some nursing.

Adam: Which, if it isn't obvious by now, gets me going. It turns me on.

Julia: I think you come back faster, yeah. I also think—I like to think—that my milk gives you your strength back.

Adam: Oh, I'd say that, yeah. I mean, it's exercise, sex is, and by the time I come, I've used a lot of energy. And Julia's breastmilk is really sweet, so that does have a good effect, a restorative effect.

Interviewer: So how was it that first week? What changed, and did anything unexpected happen?

Julia: Well, we went at it a lot! Nursing, I mean, but I think we fucked a lot, too.

Adam: (laughing) Yes, I believe we did.

Julia: Every time we'd do it—breastfeeding, I mean—we were trying to see how long it would take before I'd empty out of a breast, and how much Adam had taken from me.

Adam: It was something like maybe half an ounce? Half an ounce per side?

Julia: We weren't really sure, especially back then. But it was something like 10 or 15 minutes for half an ounce, I think. We were really excited; it felt new and powerful and we both loved it.

Adam: I can confirm that: we both loved it. It was just ... amazing to be drinking from Julia, and the idea of it, of taking something she's making in her body and swallowing it, was mind-blowing. It still is, when I really think about it.

Interviewer: Did you notice any immediate changes in your body?

Julia: I felt more hormonal, for sure. I still do.

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Julia: Just—I feel more sensitive, just a bit, maybe a little bit calmer, generally. And I'm definitely more possessive of Adam than I ever was. I mean, not in a psycho, freakish way, but I do feel more than ever that he's mine, and what I'm making in my body is for him.

Adam: I'd say it really goes both ways. Obviously I'm not hormonal, but I definitely do feel more possessive of Julia now. I mean, this is a really intimate situation. So more than ever, I don't want other guys touching my girlfriend, whether it's sex or it's nursing.

Interviewer: So how did that first week progress?

Julia: Well, it took some adjustment, even though we already had this whole schedule that were comfortable with. And it sort of stayed the same, but now we didn't try to time it or anything; the timer was my boob.

Adam: When she ran out on one, we moved to the next one.

Julia: And that's how we'd know we were done. It wasn't like, oh, I think that's enough for tonight, let's watch Jon Stewart—he was still on—or wow I'm really turned on, let's do it now. We still did that, but we were at the mercy of my boobs now.

Adam: And the sessions were going longer and longer!

Julia: Yeah, that was the thing: a few days in, it was taking Adam half an hour to finish a boob, at least in the morning. I was really starting to produce, and weren't totally sure if I needed to be completely drained or not, so we just nursed until I was done.

Interviewer: Was it taking too much time?

Julia: Well, not quite yet, but it was definitely taking a long time. So I started asking my nursing friends—the ones who'd induced for their boyfriends—and they told me I didn't have to be completely out of milk just to stimulate production. What Adam could do in half an hour, twice a day, was probably enough, and if I noticed production slacking off, I should just pump at work—which I've had to do a few times, so I keep an electric pump in my desk there just in case.

Interviewer: Do your co-workers think you're a nursing mother?

Julia: No, they don't know about this. The pump is in a case, and you wouldn't know what it was. The Quiet Rooms are in discreet places, so no one would notice me going in one, anyway.

Adam: So she's making a lot now; I think we said this, it's about six ounces a day—

Julia: Yeah, four or six, or sometimes even more—

Adam: And it definitely takes a while, like maybe a half hour or so, if I want all of it from both sides.

Julia: And we'll do that when we feel like it, when we want it. The nice thing is we don't have to. Although, you know, we do, a lot of the time. Adam likes the long sessions.

Interviewer: (to Julia) Do you like them?

Julia: I do! Sometimes I think I like a good long session more than Adam does. But it's Adam's stomach.

Interviewer: What do you like about them?

Julia: The feeling. The sense of closeness. The feeling of my milk flowing; it's sort of like pressure release, so that's good right there, that always feels good. The feeling of the pull on my breast, from nursing. And the way Adam sucks my nipple to the back of his mouth, squeezes it, pulls it in and out, in and out—that feels very, very nice. It's really arousing. Sometimes I come from it.

Interviewer: You have orgasms while Adam nurses?

Julia: Yeah, just from the nursing, just from the feeling. It happens pretty often, like, maybe once a week or so.

Interviewer: Wow, OK.

Adam: It's pretty amazing. And pretty gratifying for me when it happens.

Interviewer: So, once you had milk, did it make you feel closer to Adam?

Julia: Definitely; it made a big difference that we weren't just practicing. I mean, I was kind of scared at first, not knowing exactly how it would affect our lives or our relationship—

Adam: We both were—

Julia: But everything worked out just fine, it went smoothly. Outside of some logistical things like dealing with milk-filled breasts, and dealing with actually getting the milk out, whether it's into Adam or where ever, outside of things like that, it was easy. Even the logistics weren't hard. The hard part was not knowing, at first. Now that we know, well, I cannot imagine life any other way.

—

Interviewer: So do many people in your lives know about this aspect of your relationship?

Julia: Not many. My parents certainly don't know, but my Mom is still getting over the fact that I don't shave my armpits. Every time I see her I have to make sure I've got long sleeves on.

Adam: I haven't told anyone. I'm not embarrassed, but it would be like talking about what we do when we're having sex. As a guy, you know, you just don't talk about that, talk about girlfriends in that way.

Julia: I have some girlfriends who know; most of them are in nursing relationships themselves, but not all of them. They're all supportive, though, you know—they ask how it's going, if I'm having any trouble, what it's like, how it feels, whatever.

Interviewer: What would you say to someone who found out and had a negative opinion about it?

Julia: I don't really give a shit if they don't approve. I think that people have a tendency to just live in their own bubbles. I mean—OK, here's an example. Sometimes Adam and I will have anal sex. I like it a lot, it always feels good, and a lot of the time, I have orgasms, big G-spot orgasms. No hands! I just come from his penetration. I end up crying, they're so huge.

Interviewer: Lucky girl.

Julia: I know, I know it. Anyway, so there are people out there who would completely freak out and tell me—or us—that it's wrong, that this is not something we should do, no matter how good it feels, or how it makes us feel about each other. It's just supposed to be bad. Well, I see our nursing in the same way. People might say I just want to be a mother—and I do, but not now, and I'm not pretending to be Adam's mother. It doesn't feel like that at all when we're together. Or they might say that Adam wants to be a baby, to go back to an infant state.

Adam: And that's not true, either. Just like Julia doesn't feel like she's playing mommy, I don't feel like I'm playing baby. Neither of us have that sense—I guess you'd have to be one of us to know this—but it's a natural expression between the two of us. Her body is built to make food for other people, for her loved ones, let's say.

Julia: And Adam is definitely a loved one. And that's right, it's my way of loving him: all day and at night my breasts are making this love-food for him, and then he takes it from me in this pleasurable, intimate way, from my nipples. That's not wrong or sick. That's beautiful.

Interviewer: Well, when you put it that way—

Julia: It's like if we call each other "baby," does that mean we're thinking of each other as a child to take care of? Or does it just mean that we're precious to each other? Most people mean it that way: precious. I think nursing Adam is a similar thing. He's precious to me, and so I want to feed him. He's a man, he can feed himself, that's not the point. I want to feed him because I can, because my body was designed to do that, because it brings us close to each other. It's as natural as him putting his dick inside me, into my vagina; it's meant to go in there. I feel like his mouth is meant to be at my breasts, too.

Interviewer: A few minutes ago we were talking about marathon sex. Out of curiosity, how often do nursing sessions lead to intercourse between you?

(the couple exchanges glances)

Julia: (laughing) Well, pretty much every time.

Adam: Not in the mornings, though.

Julia: Well, yeah, in the mornings there isn't that much time. Adam's usually pretty horny in the mornings and would love if we could do it more, but we really don't have time to go beyond just taking my milk. I mean, sometimes we do it instead of nursing, and then I'll just pump later. But usually in the mornings it's just nursing.

Interviewer: How about at night?

Julia: We pretty much do it every time. Actually, again, it's not strictly true. I mean, I get home from work before Adam, and I leave my top off after I change, so when Adam gets home he has some extra motivation to do a nursing session right then. But after that, we usually have dinner.

Interviewer: Adam, doesn't that spoil your dinner?

Adam: Well, it's sweet, all right. Sort of a dessert. But I always have room for dinner. Julia's a great cook.

Julia: I'm sitting across from him, still half-naked, so he's got a good reason to finish his dinner. (laughs) Anyway, after dinner, we do another, longer breastfeeding session, and that almost always leads to us making love.

Interviewer: I see. So, let me ask a delicate question: how do you work around your menstrual cycle?

Julia: Ah, I knew you were going to get to that. (laughs) Well, you know ... that's when we go anal.

Interviewer: Adam, you probably don't mind that at all.

Adam: Well, ...

Julia: He likes it, but I like it better than he does. I come a lot when we do anal.

Adam: Yeah, I don't mind it, but the truth is, her vagina is actually tighter than—than she is on the other side.

Julia: The orgasms are just really different and super-intense.

Adam: She shudders.

Julia: I feel like I'm losing my mind, in a good way. I mean, my other orgasms, the clitoral ones and the vaginal ones—they're good too, and different. And I do come a lot that way. But the anal ones are the most intense. Adam says I get so loud I hurt his ears.

Adam: She passed out once.

Julia: Almost passed out, yeah, from the pleasure, it just went on and on and—

Adam: I'm pretty sure she passed out, for about ten seconds, anyway.

Julia: I guess I really couldn't tell.

Interviewer: So in terms of breastfeeding, your breasts don't get too sensitive or sore from your period so that it's uncomfortable to nurse Adam?

Julia: Oh, no, that doesn't happen. If anything, breastfeeding relieves some of the symptoms, and my period doesn't last very long.

—

Interviewer: How would you describe your breastfeeding relationship to someone who didn't know anything about this, that it was even possible? How would you describe what it's like?

Julia: It's like this private secret we have between the two of us. I mean, obviously our friends know, and now you know. But the specifics of our relationship, especially this aspect—that's just a private thing between us, and we love that.

Adam: I'll get these texts sometimes, during the day: "Got a lot today, feeling full. See you tonight." And I'll be a little bit excited the rest of the day, thinking about what's going to happen at about 7:00 PM.

Interviewer: You mean how much—how much milk you have varies, Julia?

Julia: Totally varies. I mean, I always have some to give him, but it depends on how much water I've been drinking, what I've been eating, mood, menstrual cycle, whatever. There are days where I feel full enough to almost feel uncomfortable; it never gets to the point of serious discomfort, but I can tell I've really been producing. So I'll text Adam because, for one thing, I know I'll need relief, and I'd rather that he be the reliever! And also, when my breasts feel full, it usually makes me feel a little extra-sexual, and I want to go be with him.