All Comments on 'Trippin''

What do you think you are, some literary cartoonist? How many times did you have to go to dictionary.com to write this mess? Pretentious garbage. Almost as bad as a Lordslamdog comment.

Keep trying ;)

But fairly unclear on what is happening, especially at the end. I assume there will another part? Seems pretty much to be leaving things hanging, but not sure what is left hanging. I agree that you should simplify the prose somewhat. Not every other word needs to be a $20 one. You definitely have style and verve, so please continue to write but be more specific rather than atmospheric.

Amateur wantabe writer trying so hard and just horrible.

I do believe the drafter is playing US along ... I shall wait and see... Thanks

your vast knowledge of the english language makes a good story bad

And terribly awful. Please, no more.

But honestly, you spent more time discussing his bowel movements than whatever happened. I have almost no idea what You were talking about.

Just crap.

You alluded to a lot, but didn't connect it in this part. There have been a lot of stories that say "part 1" but are meant as solo stories. If this is indeed meant to be multiple parts than say it in the start. Also, we don't have enough back story to get into the characters or understand what happened in their past to get why he is having such issues and what she did in the past either.

Decent writing and good allusions, just bad place to put them all without some context.

You haters have driven all the writers away! You big meanies. Sorry, couldn't resist. I tried to read it. 500, meaningless big words. I like big words but these seemed just randomly scattered around as if to impress. You need to do something with them.

take her papers, her passport, the tickets and leave her to be another island whore

1*

annony is just an old fat ugly fag fool who reads every one of these stories and then bitches like the king of the cuck that he really is. His wife made him a cuck for years and then she left him so she could fuck the fleet. He's just a sorry old fool!

Was this supposed to be CucksRUs, with a Ph.D., from the university of arkansas?

What a fucking waste.

Definitely a unique style of writing but so hard to follow. If there's a story there it's well hidden!

2*

Look, its true there are near-illiterates mouth-breathing about Lit/LW...

But not everyone.

Internalized reverie OK.

Taking a run at stream-of-consciousness OK.

Running on sentences like an orgasmic Molly Bloom, fine.

But Finnegan's Wake is an unfortunate style for porn.

Here's what you get points for:

1. Great vocabulary

2. An understanding of emotion & ability to express it.

3. A willingness to make your hero despicable without rationalization (this enrages many readers).

Your biggest need?

A story. A linear narrative. Always remember. First, last, in between. The story.

.

I do have a PhD (not from Arkansas) and I found this very difficult to read. I can't think of anyone who talks like this even on university campuses. Try writing the way you talk. That might make your work readable. You write like the late William Buckley talked, but he was intentionally trying to let us know he was Ivy League educated and disguise vacuous ideas. You have a choice to make. Do you want readers or do you want to impress the odd masochist who is willing to wade through your prose? Did you intend the incongruity between the language in your text and the slang of your title?

You were trippin when you wrote this .... Right?

Was that? Don't have the largest IQ but not stupid either...kept thinking it would get better but never did...at least for me. Don't do this again!

Cut the crap Bonnie. If you're going to bitch about the anons, don't do it as an anon. Idiot. -1 star for this trash

...and I have a Masters in English Literature from Penn.

garbage. If this an attempt to make this sound so above everyone then it succeeded BUT at least some of it should be coherent to us mere mortals. Rambling rubbish.

JJ

I normally like loving wives stories that have some semblance of a being readable but this was unadulterated rubbish. Gave it 1 because I could n I t go lower.

Way too wordy and hard to follow . . to the point of losing any flow to the story . . . honestly can't say if I liked it or not because I'm not entirely sure what he was trying to say

I should have known this would be trash when I saw "Caribbean cruise" in the lead line, and "Bermuda" in the first paragraph. Bermuda is hundreds of miles from the Caribbean Sea. Yuck!

Simply put........BORING!

This sophomoric vocabulary exercise is pure silliness.

Guess i'm too far past uni english class do decipher all the literay prose etc ... not sure what did happen in Bermuda and what were his dilusions of porn

Please reinform us. I think the scumbag is a cuckold, but not sure how or why or even who. And did he want it. This story was either way over my head or simply a pain in the ass.

What a bunch of crap!!! MINUS 5*!!!

But any man I know would be on a plane home, alone. This sham of a marriage is dead, do both of you a favor.

... you tried to write in a different way than the other cuckolds here do so. But you failed. Your mysterious style is neither exciting nor entertaining. May be when being drunken it would be more readable...

I thought this story was a great read! The use of higher level English is fine with me... The whole story is a conversation in HIS head. The self loathing of a cuckold, the angst, the excitement. The wife seems cold, but we don't have her story. Every action could have more to it that we haven't seen. Maybe she isn't cold at all. Maybe she is a kind, caring wife but his problems living out his fantasy force him to seek to blame her. I expect better from most of you in your comments. I agree that it's confusing in a couple of spots, but isn't that natural in a relationship where something is desired but not well communicated?

I read this crock of shit in about ten minutes. Well that's ten minutes of my life that I will never get back. What was the point of this story ?

stop writing.

After this POS, I won't try another of your stories. Scores are much too high on this one.