True Lies - Redux Ch. 05

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Rachel -

Well, here it was Saturday again. Another weekend and I had absolutely nothing planned - business or social. All my girlfriends were either married and with husbands and even children, or single but still with boyfriends in committed relationships.

I was separated from my husband and my own "boyfriend", Grayson Peterson III, well, that was pretty much a joke - him as "my boyfriend." And the joke was on me. As far as I knew Grayson was still out of town. I had not heard a word from him all week and I was not about to call him.

I was pretty sure I didn't want to see him anymore, either socially or professionally. I was trying to figure out how to do that - professional withdrawal - gracefully and without resigning from the law firm. But if it came to that, I just might resign "for personal reasons" and run back to Daddy in Chicago.

Maybe Jim would follow me to Chicago if I did that? Why was I even thinking this? I had not heard from Jim all week either but that was explained by that last voicemail I got from him. Surely he would be back in town sometime this weekend? I really needed to talk with him. He was just so cold when he left me, and I knew he at least suspected I was sleeping with Grayson. But then he had practically been begging to get back together with me ever since. But did he mean that? Is what Dr. Ruth told me his true feelings - that whole "playing a game and got stuck in it" thing she said he said?

I felt like I didn't really know Jim anymore. Maybe I never really knew him. Was that possible? Did those four or five years of being together - being in love - really happen or not? Was it real - or not? And then how or why did I go from being happy and satisfied with Jim as my man, my husband, to unhappy and dissatisfied enough to try someone else on for fit? And really, Grayson?

Now that I felt I really knew Grayson - and maybe more than I really knew Jim - I could see that Grayson was deep down just not a nice person at all. For all his ambition and wealth and power and even physical attractiveness - and yes his big dick and sexual prowess - he was just selfish and greedy and...and sadly alone. And his sadness was catching. No wonder he depended on feel-good drugs so much. I never needed drugs to be happy with Jim, ever. Even these last two years as we just...drifted. And I never felt alone and sad when I was with Jim. My own unhappiness and dissatisfaction always hit me when I WASN'T with Jim, I suddenly realized. When I was at work and started spending those longer hours away from him.

I would just try and take it easy today. Maybe I would actually call Dr. Ruth and go over some of these thoughts with her this afternoon.

About one o'clock I finally got bored with myself and decided to go to the mall for a bit. Grab a bite at the food court and just do a little shopping.

I had just finished eating and was walking out when two guys in cheap suits accosted me.

"Mrs. Johnson?"

"Yes."

"I'm agent Heydon and this is agent Monroe," and they flashed some ID's at me, "with the FBI, and we need to talk with you about some issues of national security. Please come with us."

"Now? What's this about? Am I under any kind of investigation? You do know that I am a lawyer, right?"

"Ma'am, all of your questions will be answered by my superior. We only know some basic info about you. It's my understanding this won't take long and you will be returned here or wherever you want to go, afterwards. Please cooperate. It will be to your advantage I'm sure."

My heart rate sped up a little but what the hell. I had nothing else planned and was pretty bored anyway. Maybe this would just be a little adventure.

They drove me to a quite prominently displayed "FBI" building in their obvious government sedan. I was ushered in and put into a conference room.

"It'll just be a minute. Would you like something to drink?" Agent Heydon asked me.

"Coffee would be great," I replied. "Double cream."

Pretty soon he returned with my coffee and shortly thereafter a surprisingly young and attractive looking blonde woman entered with a file folder. She nodded at the agents and they just left.

"Mrs. Johnson, my name is Elaine Bennett and I'm associated with the Department of Homeland Security working with the FBI on some matters of import to national security."

"Wow, what a bunch of doublespeak! Let me tell you, as a lawyer and pretty good at that myself, I am impressed." I smirked at her.

She just smiled right back at me.

"So much for small talk. How's your marriage, Rachel?" she asked

What a weird and unexpected question.

"What does my marriage have to do with anything you would be interested in?"

"Let's just posit that it does. Want to answer my question?"

"No. I'm not talking to you about my marriage. That's just my personal business."

"Ah. Let me guess. 'Anything two - or maybe three or more? - consenting adults want to do in their private lives bedroom should be no business of the state or even society at large'. Is that the principle we're talking about?"

I started to squirm a little. What did she know, or think she knows?

"My marriage is fine, thank you. And thanks for your concern. Now, what is this really about?"

"So even if these two - or more - consenting adults ALL happen to be married to other people who don't know their spouses are about to have cheating sex - that's still just a matter of personal privacy and screw the state's concerns about supporting marriage? Do you know what the stats are on actual life outcomes of kids from stable marriages versus "all other" arrangements of their biological parents? Kids from single parent or broken homes are SEVEN times more likely to end up in jail than merely kids from stable married homes with both their biological parents. Still think "the state" shouldn't care about activity that is risky to marriage? Ah, just a hypothetical question for you to ponder.

"Now, back specifically to YOUR marriage. Your husband Jim doesn't think your marriage is fine. He doesn't actually live with you right now - and he has been seeing a counselor - a psychologist, Dr. Ruth I believe, about his marital concerns. Haven't YOU seen Dr. Ruth at least once, yourself?"

I blushed a little.

"Again. I am not talking to you about my marriage or my private life. If that's all you want to know then I am out of here. And I don't have any kids. It's NOT 'the state's' business!"

Elaine smiled and looked back down at her file.

"OK. Do you know a Grayson Peterson III?"

Shit. Things are suddenly getting a tad more serious.

"Obviously you know I do. He is a client of mine - professionally - I'm one of his lawyers."

"Is that the only relationship you have with him - just "professionally"? Before you answer let me remind you that lying to an authorized law enforcement agent of the government in criminal matters IS against the law."

"We have become friends and we do socialize occasionally. Things like dinner and attending charity events. Just things like that."

"Hmmm, just that? Not maybe a little "friends with benefits"? Before you answer..."

She just looked away and said a tad louder. "Send Flynn in."

Jesus. Flynn? He walked in and I turned a little white.

"Hello, Rachel," Flynn said and gave me a little sad smile.

"You work for this bitch? You're some kind of agent and you were playing me?"

I felt very violated and very angry and very scared at the same time.

"What did Rachel tell you Flynn, the night she slept with you?" Elaine asked.

"She told me all about her very sexual relationship with Grayson and how conflicted she felt about the whole thing now - where it might actually be headed versus her own guilt and shame how she was treating her husband."

"Jesus, you people are unbelievable. You get off peaking in bedroom windows? What?"

"You just chose a very bad man to have an affair with, Rachel. He is an enemy of the United States and he is working very hard and diligently to not only just line his own pockets - but bring potentially vast harm to thousands if not millions of US citizens. We can't let that happen, Rachel. Do YOU want that to happen?"

"If true, of course I don't want that to happen! But how do I know you're just not blowing smoke? I have worked with Grayson closely and if you're just talking about his efforts on behalf of the Iran Nuclear and normalization negotiations then all I've done - and seen him do - is just quite legal and even moral. Just patriotic support for this Admin's policies and strategies to bring further world peace and INSURE American lives are safely preserved through diplomacy. Nothing but normal political lobbying."

"You've never heard Grayson indicate he was working to help Iran actually develop Nuclear weapons?"

"No. Just the opposite. The treaty prevents that. I'm sure...doesn't it?"

"Actually, the strict wording of the treaty leaves room for "interpretation" - and at best, if Iran strictly follows the apparent common sense interpretation of the words used and agreed too, it merely slows down Iranian development of Nuclear WMD's. But every intelligence study we've run seems to indicate that Iran hasn't really slowed down its development much at all. We are all concerned about this. Very concerned. Would you be willing to voluntarily work with us on tracking and probing into Grayson's thinking and activity?"

"Spy for you? You can't be serious! I'm his lawyer - all those lawyer client confidentiality and privilege ethics I would be breaking! I could be disbarred, minimum."

"I am serious. And we would protect you both personally and professionally. So, your professional ethics mean so much more to you than your marriage vows? And what are the professional ethics surrounding sleeping with your clients? Your ethical sense seems pretty malleable to me. If you don't wish to cooperate voluntarily you just might ultimately find yourself as an indicted co-conspirator. I am serious as a heart attack and I can bring immense pain to your life in all kinds of ways."

"You people are frickin' crazy! I'm just doing my job - legally and constitutionally protected - and it's a Goddamn important job and you just want to trample all over Grayson's and my own constitutional rights for your own damn reasons wrapped in the flag! What is it? Your own career advancement? A feather in your cap bringing down a billionaire, just because he's rich? Some right-wing tin foil hat nutcase conspiracy that is nothing but "AGAINST" a liberal Democrat Administration which JUST might be advancing world peace a tad with sane diplomacy rather than just "bomb the crap out of them" war after war?

"Shit no, I won't help you just because you say something and yet offer no proof at all of your allegations. I'll go public. This whole investigation is probably illegal and I know quite a few wise Senators who would love to start a Congressional investigation on this kind of abuse of power nonsense!"

I was on a roll and I was sure I was on the side of right! My moral outrage just felt SO good. These little bureaucratic fuckers...

Elaine just shook her head.

"Send in the rest of the team," she said to the room at large.

A tall and striking red-head walked in. Wait a minute. I knew her - it was the girl, Jennifer, that Grayson and I had had sex with the last time I HAD had sex! What. The. Fuck.

And right behind her was - my husband! Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. From a moral outrage high to immense feelings of fearful shame I just plunged - about 100 stories, it felt like. Had Jennifer told Jim? EVERYTHING? Instant tears clouded my vision. "Don't cry, don't cry. Act cool," I mentally told myself.

"Jim! What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Rachel," he replied very neutrally. This was his "game playing" persona, per what Dr. Ruth had told me. His coolness was also very frightening as all the permutations started zinging around my mind...was I a trapped rat? On a sinking ship?

"Jim works for me, Rachel," Elaine said.

I felt like my world was collapsing, even more so than the mess I alone had previously made of my once so happy and boring life.

"These assholes pulled you in, Jim? Don't believe them. They'll mix truth and lies for their own purposes. They have already tried to blackmail me. I...I've done some things I'm not proud of and I'll tell you everything, myself. I will, I promise! But don't believe their twisted version of the truth!"

Everyone just looked at me as the tears started flowing down my cheeks. I felt that Jennifer wanted to hug me, but no one else did. Especially Jim.

Elaine said, "Jim, how long have you worked for me? Or rather, the agency?"

Jim replied, "Since I was a freshman at Notre Dame."

Jim was watching me. I didn't really react 'cause it just didn't compute. Didn't make any sense to me.

Elaine continued, "Where have you been the last week?"

"I've been to California on agency business, then flew via US Air Force to Iraq, then spent a couple of days in Tehran helping get Jennifer away from Grayson's clutches."

I think my jaw dropped and the tears stopped. This must be a Twilight Zone dream or something.

"Jennifer?" Elaine then asked.

"After Rachel and I spent the night having sex with Grayson last Friday - Grayson requested I go with him to Iran. You remember last Friday night, don't you, Rachel?"

I was watching Jim watch me and he looked pained as Jennifer matter-of-factly mentioned my infidelity. I could only blush and look down. Jim knew EVERYTHING. No doubt about it now and no sense denying it. My marriage was over. Maybe my career. And for the first time the thought arose, maybe my life. How dangerous was Jim? How much did he hate me, now?

Jennifer continued, "Grayson had some business to attend to with a VAJA - that's the Iranian Ministry of Intelligence - official named Colonel Jafar Mandani and I happened to be a kind of payment to the dear Colonel. Grayson actually gave me to the Colonel. But I escaped, with Jim's help. But we learned what the basics of Grayson's business was - acquisition of proscribed hi-tech devices that are necessary for advanced smaller high yield Nuclear warheads. Unfortunately, since I was naked while overhearing these details, I could not record any of it. Do you honestly think I am lying? That's your question to ponder, dear." Jennifer addressed that directly to me.

There was silence for a minute or so, then I quietly asked, "could I have some private time with my husband please? Jim, please?"

Elaine got up and nodded. Everyone traipsed out and Jim and I had the room to ourselves.

"Why Jim? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Jim sighed. "I was always 'deep cover' - an agent pretty much secret from everyone else in the business, friend and foe. It was for your protection mostly - and our extended families. But it was also a kind of belt-AND-suspenders 'who guards the guards' idea. I never actually spied on any other US National Intelligence agents or ops, but I did do some double-checking ops myself and alternative analysis to our ever increasingly politicized and ineffective standard agencies. You know, like the CIA, NSA, and FBI. I and a few of us like me, are not nearly as hamstrung as the politically correct and more leftist leaning "America last, globalization first" crowd who now controls most Federal organizations. And our discoveries have often been disturbing in many ways versus the official conclusions - like just what IS happening with this whole Iran negotiations deal.

"It's just not how it's been sold publicly. Whether Iran will actually use - as in deploy or drop - a Nuclear weapon is still unknown. But they're still working hard to develop them. And they will definitely use them for blackmail. Much more so than Pakistan has. India and China both pretty much neutralize Pakistan. Without a doubt the Iranian Mullahs have other ideas. And every indication is they will use one or more against Israel or even the USA with even a moderate "plausible deniability" cover - like maybe pinning it on ISIS or al Qaeda. Iran IS definitely helping ISIS right now - as both an "enemy of my enemy is my friend" strategery but ALSO setting them up for possible nuclear annihilation by retaliation from us - and then letting Iran just walk in and take over Iraq and Syria - what's left of them, after.

"Grayson is in on all this up to his neck. It really is true. Can you live with yourself if you don't help - and it all goes bad, worst case? Like a backpack Nuke going off in DC or Chicago? Or even a Nuke delivered by missile to Tel Aviv from Lebanon or Gaza?"

"I just don't know what to believe, who to believe. Who the hell are you? Did you ever love me or was I just part of your 'deep cover'?"

"I loved you. I still do. I know I wasn't fair to you having this whole other professional secret life. But I loved you and I never had an affair just shopping for someone better to replace you with. I thought that I was a pretty good husband overall. Everyone has their professional life somewhat displaced and separate from their close, personal, family life. You certainly had that. I never wanted out of my marriage, but apparently you did. I'd just like to know why? Why did you stop loving me and just started wanting someone else?"

"Maybe you sold your deep cover a little too well. You went from "exciting" to "dull" really quickly. You became totally predictable and boring. You stopped doing any martial arts as a hobby. You hid your intellect. We both stopped going to religious services and stopped our discussions on those issues. Things I really enjoyed once because we never really argued but just reinforced each other's separate faith traditions. All those really good lessons from both modern Judaism and Catholic Christianity that both really do love and respect the same one true God.

"You basically became a different person from the man I married. I admit I didn't really notice so much at first. It was masked by the move to a new city and my own transition to my new professional life. But NOW it all makes so much sense. You wanted to be utterly banal and of no interest to anyone. Amazing. You succeeded so damn well.

"Too bad that included me too, your own wife. I even lost interest in you. Great job, Jimbo!" I said bitterly.

At least Jim had the grace to look embarrassed.

"You are right. I never thought it all the way through. I am sorry. I can only promise you now I WILL spend as much time as you want or need after we conclude this Grayson emergency answering all your questions about me and our whole relationship. I will give you a divorce without conflict, if that's what you want. I - and the agency - can help you get your life back on track as you wish, if you help us out with all this.

"But...you're really in this mess now and my people are serious. We can do all kinds of things to utterly ruin your life if you decide to not help us. It's that important. Maybe you now feel like you can't trust even me on this. I understand that feeling in spades. I feel betrayed by you at the same, if not deeper, level and I can not really trust your promises or decision making either. We both fucked up and we're both screwed. I'm begging you to now help yourself by helping us."

"You really want me to do this? You're basically sending me back to get fucked and abused by that asshole. That's what you want? Even if I don't want to? Do you get off on that power and control? How are you NOT just like him?"

"Fuck you, Rachel. You made that bed and jumped in it with both feet and eyes wide open. Too damn bad it's not all that rosy after all! I will get off when that asshole is totally burned, which he is going to be, one way or another. I'm trying to keep you from getting scorched too - but sometimes I ask myself why should I care? I carelessly lost your love, but it was an honest mistake and I didn't even know I was doing it. You never said one damn word to me. Just started shopping for a new lover. Well, you got him. And now you get to live with him for at least a little longer!"