Twenty Questions

"The humiliation factor is a big reason why I love fantasies like this one. Another one I like is a conversation between an 18 year-old sexually inexperienced boy and a nurse at a clinic where he has undergone an extensive and embarrassing series of examinations. She is putting him to bed for the night and asks if he ever allows himself an orgasm before he falls asleep. When he responds that he sometimes does, she says, 'Why don't you do it now? I love watching men play with themselves, and that way I know you will get a good night's sleep.' Ultimately, she places his hand on his penis and watches as desire overcomes the embarrassment he is feeling. He ejaculates for the first time while someone else is watching."

"How many more do I have to go?"

"Ahh, um, let's see, um, three I think."

"OK, I'll try to be more concise. I also use fantasies about enemas; but much less often. There is one where a neighbor (who happens to be a nurse) is asked by an 18 year old boy's mother to give him an enema because she is worried about a stomach ache he is having. She administers the enema on the floor of his bathroom and assures him that the erection he obtained is entirely normal due to the sensitivity of his anal area. She then reveals that she often masturbates while giving herself an enema and offers to do the same for him. He produces an enormous ejaculation as she fingers herself to orgasm. Her naïve victim is completely unaware."

"A less specific thought I use sometimes when I masturbate is simply to envision girls with enticing breasts. You see, I am incredibly turned on by small breasts. I love their firmness and the subtle movement they display. They often have prominent areolas and pointed nipples that I find very alluring. Furthermore, girls with small breasts often project an aura of intelligence and self-confidence. There is also something about girls with small breasts that plays to my infatuation with humiliation. I suspect many flat-chested women feel embarrassed or inadequate about their breasts and this feeling is a turn on for me. A magazine I once had that was dedicated to flat chests had an interview with a women who said she liked the magazine because it made her feel proud to have small breasts. Thinking about how she feels while I masturbate usually leads to a powerful orgasm."

My interviewer had a far away look in her eyes and her hands had involuntarily moved to her own breasts. She was 100 miles away.

"Are you ready for me to go on?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes please. I just got distracted for a moment. Are you ready for the next question?"

"Well, actually, I think we still have one more fantasy to go."

"Oh of course, please proceed."

"The last category of things I think about during masturbation aren't really fantasies, but actual experiences I've had. These include some of the masturbation sessions I've already described, old sexual encounters and conversations with old lovers. The one I use the most often doesn't seem like it should be so compelling because it doesn't even involve masturbation or intercourse. An old girlfriend I had during grad school and I were fooling around in her apartment one evening. I suspect we were a little stoned and I was sitting on the floor cross-legged across from her. We were naked and she was caressing my penis. Her fingers moved down my shaft and began fondling my scrotum. Her touch felt wonderful and I told her so. She responded, 'That's because it's a part of your penis. That's where it begins.' There was something about the way she referred to my penis and tried to educate me about my own anatomy that was a real turn on. I felt like I was under a microscope and subjected to her searing evaluation of my erection. It's hard to describe, but if I think about what she said, I feel very exposed very basic about my penis. Sometimes when I really want to have an orgasm but I'm not sure I can I think about this line over and over saying to myself, 'It's part of your pe-nis, It's part of your pe-nis, It's part of your pe-nis.' Eventually, that basic feeling takes over and almost always leads to a satisfying orgasm."

"You're doing a wonderful job, but I think it's time for a short break. If you need to use the men's room, it's just down the hall. Why don't you meet me back here in about 10 minutes?"

She looked like she needed the break a lot more than I did.

"OK, fine."

Her demeanor was once again professional and refined when she reappeared. The next question was already on the screen.

6. What criteria do you use to judge the quality of your ejaculations?

"I suspect most guys answer this one the same way. You can sum it up as a combination of volume and power. There is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of stream after stream of semen flowing through your erection and being forcefully expelled. Sometimes you can actually feel it move through the urethra and tickle your pee hole on the way out. If this happens while a man masturbating while lying on his back, the height of each stream is a measure of its forcefulness, and the number of spurts is an indication of his volume. I think I'm safe in saying that virtually all men believe the ability to produce such an ejaculation is a profound measure of their virility. I once read a story when a man on the verge of such an orgasm stated, 'It felt like everything in my body was about to be ejaculated.' I dare say all men crave such a special and empowering feeling."

"You're correct in that all of our other subjects have mentioned the same two criteria, but perhaps not as eloquently as you. The next question is a bit of a follow-up."

7. Do the characteristics of your ejaculations differ between sessions? Please explain.

"This one is more complicated. Of course such characteristics vary. I'd be comfortable saying that no two ejaculations are exactly alike. Assuming ejaculation occurs during a masturbation session (and this is not always the case) there are many factors that characterize it. Both volume and forcefulness tend to increase with the level of arousal and the intensity of orgasm. Another obvious factor is the interval between ejaculations. A man who ejaculates in the morning will diminish his supply so that the volume of semen he is able to produce later in the day will be lower unless some other factor (such as a particularly high arousal level) can compensate. I remember one time while I was in grad school and I had just masturbated when an out of town girl I was dating made an unexpected appearance. I was young, so I was still able to have sex with her, but clearly the quality of my ejaculation (and therefore our enjoyment) was diminished. I wanted to explain my predicament, but I was ashamed admit to her that I had masturbated. "

"The consistency of semen produced is another variable. The semen produced from a quality ejaculation tends to be thick and viscous. However, if the next ejaculation occurs soon afterwards, it is likely to have a thinner consistency. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. I remember one session where I had not masturbated for at least several days but for some reason I had a difficult time achieving orgasm. When it finally occurred, my ejaculate consisted of multiple thin spurts of very watery semen. I don't think I've ever had another ejaculation like that."

"Age is another obvious factor. It is well known, that the volume of semen decreases as a man ages. I can't be specific, but when I was a young adult, it was rare to have an ejaculation that did not consist of multiple spurts. I remember one time when I was having sex with the young woman I mentioned earlier (the one who talked about my penis) and as I came into her, she hugged me tighter and cried, 'Oh, feel the kid! Every little squirt!' as multiple streams tickled her vagina. Now that I'm older I would kill for such an orgasm. At my age, I'm lucky if even one spurt shoots into the air. It's more likely that my semen oozes gently out of my penis and dribbles down my hand. Sometimes, my wife doesn't even realize it when I ejaculate during sex unless I let her know some other way. I'm afraid the old adage is correct: 'Youth is wasted on the young'."

"My interviewer was blushing again. First I allude to her small breasts, and then to her tender age. I was beginning to feel a little sorry for her. The next question flashed before me."

8. Please describe the most common ways you have used to dispose of your ejaculate?

"I guess this one invites another trip down memory lane. As I hinted before, the bathtub played an important role in my masturbation history. This environment provides a ready made mode of disposal. The only trick is to make sure all of the evidence goes down the drain – at least if there is concern about being discovered. My strategy was to corral the clumps of floating goo with my fingertips and coax them towards the drain as the tub emptied to make sure they disappeared."

"Of course masturbating in the tub is also conducive to using soap as a lubricant. The trick is to use just enough to provide the desired slipperiness but not so much that there isn't enough friction. It took me years to realize that soap was not, however, an obligatory part of the process. Until I made this discovery, my sessions were limited to places where soap and water were available – usually bathrooms. My standard approach was to apply just the right amount of soap to my hands (I got pretty good at this) and to stroke myself while I sat on the toilet lid. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to go back for more soap, although such an interruption was sometimes necessary. Just before the fireworks, I would leap up and ejaculate into the sink. This technique also allowed me to rinse the remaining soap from my softening penis while making sure all of the evidence went down the drain."

"Fortunately vast new horizons were opened up when I discovered that my two-handed method worked just fine without any lubrication. I still used bathrooms sometimes (especially when away from home), but I didn't need to worry about soap and water anymore, and could simply stroke away and ejaculate into the toilet. Of course, this approach requires a certain degree of flexibility while one is encumbered with a raging hard on. Most frequently my post-soap and water masturbation sessions were in the bed where I lived. However, using such a location presented the problem of what to do with the mess. When I was in grad school, I began to use dirty tee shirts. I would spread the shirt out by my bed, stroke myself until just before the point of no return and then jump up and ejaculate onto it. However, I was worried that the potentially embarrassing stains would be discovered by someone at the laundromat. After some time I switched to using dirty bath towels. Not only did they provide a bigger target, but my semen stains were practically invisible."

"My next method of disposal started after I got married. I was doing a lot less masturbating at this stage, but the urge still continued to strike from time to time. The laundry was part of my wife's responsibilities, so using dirty tee-shirts or bath towels was out of the question. I had not yet confessed that I still masturbated sometimes and I didn't want her to think I wasn't satisfied with our sex life if she discovered my dried semen in on my dirty laundry. At any rate, during the day I usually used the bathroom for my private sessions, but this option was not ideal at night. Sneaking into the bathroom while she slept was unappealing and seemed a bit too risky. So one night when I could no longer resist the urge, I quietly stroked myself and simply ejaculated over the side of the bed. I figured I'd clean up the mess in the morning before my wife noticed. It turned out that the next morning I couldn't even tell there was a stain – my semen dried clear and the residue was simply undetectable. My problem was solved – of course I still had to worry about my wife waking up and catching me in the act, but that problem was also solved when be both finally confided that we still pleasured ourselves from time to time."

"Before long, I discovered an interesting wrinkle to my 'squirting over the side of the bed' approach. One day, when I was vacuuming the bedroom (one of my responsibilities) I noticed several stains on the freshly painted wall. My heart beat faster when I realized that I was the source of these stains. Clearly some of my ejaculations made it all the way to the wall (probably 18 inches away). I also noticed that the wooden side of our waterbed was coated with crusty-looking material just about where my penis would be. Clearly, I was confronting damming evidence. Seeing those stains on the wall was a strange turn on for me. I had no idea I could squirt that far, and I reveled in a manly sense of pride. Before I was done vacuuming, I laid down on our bed and masturbated to one of the most intense orgasms I had ever experienced. My semen splashed forcefully onto the wall in several impressive streams. Most of them landed much higher than the existing stains. This performance bolstered my macho self-image and I was anxious to see if I could achieve such intensity the next day. I was headed to a business meeting and I could hardly wait until I got to my room to try. Unfortunately, although I gave it my all, I was disappointed by a very ordinary experience."

After my wife and I had our little confession conversation, it was no longer necessary to be secretive about playing with myself at night. Most of the time I would just let her know that I was interested, and if she was in the mood she would watch. I love when she does that because she always gives my erection a little attention before I take over and then caresses my testicles and anal area until I ejaculate all over myself – just like last Saturday. I'm usually the one to clean myself up with tissues we keep by the bed, but sometimes she does the honors. I actually love cuming on my stomach like this because I can prop myself up with pillows and enjoy watching it happen. I do the same thing when I'm staying at a hotel, and sometimes I actually save the used tissues. There's something erotic about examining them the next day. I feel the hardness of the dried semen and look for traces of color. Of course, I can't help but judge myself by how much was produced. I often use these tissues during subsequent sessions. I guess I must be pretty sick."

"I don't think you're sick at all. It is perfectly natural to be proud of the strength of your ejaculations. It's also logical for you to be turned on by your own semen. For one thing, it's a reminder that you engaged in what many people believe is a shameful, adolescent behavior. That reminder can be a turn-on because it plays into your apparent yearning for humiliation. On the other hand, an impressive amount of dried semen is a testament to your masculinity. We'll get into your personal feelings about all of this later. In the meantime, please answer the next question."

9. Have you ever tasted your own semen?

"Not intentionally. However, once or twice I tasted something acrid when flossing my teeth. I then realized that I had not washed my hands thoroughly after masturbating. I assume the acrid taste was that of my semen. Frankly, I didn't like it at all. Furthermore, the taste is very difficult to get out of your mouth. If what I tasted was really semen, I'm amazed that people can actually swallow the stuff."

"Well, it may be that females have a different perspective on this issue than you do."

My interviewer said this with just a hint of a smile, and I realized she was telling me that she is one of those persons. My penis, which had been semi-erect throughout the entire conversation, stiffened a bit more. The next question appeared on the screen.

10. Have you ever masturbated while another male watched?

"No. I've always considered such an idea repugnant. However, I'm strangely turned on by concept of male masturbation in general. As I've revealed, I often fantasize about men doing it, and I love watching porn movies of guys making themselves cum."

"I suspect you find these images exciting because you project yourself into the male character. It's also probably reassuring to your psyche that other men continue to engage in such "immature" behaviors. Let's move on."

11. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

"Not really. However, I've had to scramble once or twice when my wife or kids came home unexpectedly. Also, although I rarely masturbated in my college dorm room, one time while my roommate was away I took advantage of the opportunity. It's a good thing I locked the door because someone tried to open it while I was in this compromised position. Afterwards, a guy on our floor asked me what I had been up to, and just for fun I said that I had been beating off. It turns out; this was the guy who tried to get in. He said that was probably true since my door was locked. I laughed it off, but it scared the shit out of me, and I think we both knew the truth."

My interviewer observed that it's too bad getting caught engaging in a normal behavior practiced by virtually all men and women could be so damaging. Once again, the look on her face made me think this was her subtle way of letting me know she also masturbates. The next question gave me an opportunity to be even more revealing.

12. Have you ever used sexual toys to assist in your masturbation sessions?

"I have, but only sporadically. My wife and I went through a period when we used a hand-held vibrator (the kind with a handle that accommodates lots of different attachments). The attachment it came with was a blunt knob that is intended to stimulate the clitoris, but we also had a long narrow probe-shaped attachment that had an arm like a cactus. The idea was to insert the long end into the vagina and position the arm so that stimulated the clitoris. Finally we had a bell-shaped attachment designed to fit over the glans of the penis. I used the penis attachment a few times, but I didn't like it very much. My own hands allowed much more control. A few times, I also lubed up the probe-shaped attachment and worked it in and out of my anus while I stroked with the other hand. I liked the feeling it provided in my rectum, but not enough to do it regularly. Part of my problem was that at the time of this experiment I was still using only my two-handed method. The fact that I had only one hand available to work on my erection was frustrating. Come to think of it, now that I have an acceptable one-handed technique, maybe I should give it another try."

"It's good to keep exploring new options, but it must also be nice not to have to worry about traveling with toys that might be discovered at the airport or by a hotel maid."

I was probably over-interpreting her comments, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was speaking from experience. The next question was another probing one.

13. Have you ever made a video of yourself masturbating?

"Yes, actually I have. About four or five years ago I went through a period when I decided it would be a turn on to watch myself masturbate. Once I had the idea, I couldn't wait until I had the house to myself. There was no way I was chancing this unless everyone else was away for at least a couple of days. When such an opportunity arose, I would carefully position our video camera on a tripod next to our bed. It was tricky because there was no way to see the exact shot that I would be getting. Nevertheless, I placed a towel on the bed to mark where my penis would be and focused the camera on that spot. My goal was to capture the essence of the entire session. When everything was ready I positioned myself on the bed while still wearing my underpants. I began by gently caressing the insides of my legs before working my way up to my penis. I started caressing myself through the white cotton as my penis responded. After a little while, I slid down my shorts and began to play with my exposed organ. Before long I'd be masturbating in earnest, using both of my techniques. These sessions were not the most relaxing because the camera was intrusive, but they all ended up with some type of ejaculation. The camera would continue to run as I cleaned up the mess with a tissue that I had previously positioned next to me on the bed."