All Comments on 'Twisted Ink 4 Alex'

Fantastic story! LOved it!

Only problem was the transition between scenes. Please put an underline or dashed line to change scenes. It was annoying when the scene changed so suddenly from one person talking to a new person in a different setting.

Other than that it was great! Looking forward to more of your writing, :)

Just wow! I loved this! Thanks so much for sharing!

what a great story! the only issue for me was realizing the change in scenes.. just a dash or a mark of some kind will clear that right up!

I sincerely hope you intend to share more about this family and others in the future!

Thank you for sharing!

I definitely agree about separating scenes, though I would go one further and suggest that scenes be planned and fleshed out a little more. In many instances, where the scene was taking place wasn't clearly defined, nor was the timeframe of events. I picked up clues along the way but it can be hard work for a reader to be the one who has to piece a story together without any details. The same goes for introducing characters. There were a fair few characters that I had no clue about who they were nor whether they were relevent to the story. Just a bit of context will help with that. Also, a tip: the less you describe or introduce a character, the less a reader will pay attention to said character. If you want them to remember this person, give them a hint through an appropriate introduction and they will. Also a note about using characters from other stories, especially on Literotica. Always assume that your reader hasn't seen the other stories or at the least, may have read them but needs a refresher. A quick summary of a character's role in the overall plot will help a lot, especially if your other stories cross genres on Literotica. I'm very unlikely to read an Erotic Couplings story or Romance and so there's just no way I would know who Raine, Deak, Ben, etc. were.

About the plot, I think things were far too easy. There were myriad obstacles in the way of various relationships in the story and they all provided great opportunities for character and plot development but in every instance, what would be a major issue in a real relaionship was surmounted by the characters before it even started. For example, Andy won't ever date a man in the closet, except without even one date he does. Andy sees Dee and Alex together and they have a 20 second fight before deciding they are madly in love again. Dee states that Andy will jeopardise their operation, but only warns Alex once. Andy has a daughter he's expecting Alex to have difficulty accepting, only Alex is a perfect father right off the bat with no experience at all and Emma magically loves him where she's never touched a stranger before. Andy has been abused in a previous relationship and yet his fear comes up only once, not even when Alex becomes violent in his defence, and he shows no signs of an abused personality. Alex too has a messed up past but somehow, he's extremely well adjusted, polite, loving, etc., especially considering in the first paragraphs, Alex mentions being a killer and part of the Russian Mafia. He rarely acts like it. Undercover operatives are almost crushed by the pressure and anxiety of their role, frequently have to sacrifice their own principles to sell a cover ID, therefore placing themselves in constant existential crises. Alex's mother is a homophobe/xenophobe and then suddenly, she does a complete 180 with no explanation at all. Alex stresses about having Andy over for dinner at his heavily surveilled apartment but in the end he does nothing about it and it never comes up again. It could have been clever to connect that to the 'how' Andy and Emma were discovered and captured by Oleg in the first place, as that was never explained. Andy forgives Alex at the drop of a hat for lying about his lfe and putting his daughter in extreme danger, and yet Dee's advice to Alex was to beg forgiveness from Andy when it was all over. Not even Alex's guilt lasted longer than a paragraph. These are just a few instances. All the way through are these character points and conflicts that are introduced and then abandoned straight away, lending no credence or weight to them and having not much impact on readers either. Keep it simple with characters. They're supposed to be real people and real people can't deal with more than one or two major problems at a time and in real life, very, very rarely do conflicts work themselves out in a timely fashion with no damage on either side. I was very intrigued by Alex as a Russian Mafia enforcer and rather disappointed to discover he was just an undercover cop. I was thinking Alex would be this massively scary guy in appearance and in deeds but it turned out not to be the case at all. I think there was only one paragraph devoted to furthering Alex's character as a bad guy/undercover cop. A lot of rich territory there that wasn't used. It's better to limit the number of concepts you introduce into a story so you can fully explore the concepts you choose to write in. Use the tension to engage readers and get them to emotionaly commit. If there is never any tension at all and situations are resolved within a paragraph, then readers will assume it's no big deal. It's perfectly fine to let an unresolved situation stew for a few chapters. You're raising the tension levels and out of that come opportunities for plot development and twists. Take risks! Writing fiction is where we live out the risks and situations we can't have in our normal lives. Just mind that when you raise tension, you have to lower it a little at intervals to give the reader a break.

The sex scenes were good and the premise of the story and set up was very well done and drew me in quickly. I loved the Russian language too. I just felt that all that amazing set up lost its momentum.

Definitely keen to read more of your work. Your work draws me in, just needs a little more planning and ground work.

Okay, so I just wanted to remind readers that this is a free site. The author gets nothing but accolades, some objective critical comments and, on occasion-trolls. Many of akshun's points are valid (certainly not calling him/her a troll). However, one point made about the reader needing things spelled out more completely, in my opinion, is wrong. I believe that some stories lose much when making everything explained to the point that it is predictable. Not saying this story wasn't predictable. As soon as you meet the bad uncle (or at the explainer if you read the previous stories) you knew what was going to happen, just not all the details. Predictability happens in many (if not most) stories. And the less I'm able to predict, the better I like the story. That means making me, the reader, work. This is a complete story, not a little masturbation quickie (although, I like those, too).

Also, as far as explaining characters from past stories, that's a big fat "Aaack." I hate having to read reiterated crap. Remembering stuff from past stories is on the reader. And, so what if the Literotica reader doesn't read every category. I certainly don't read the gay male category. It's not my thing. Read this one. It was good. Because the previous stories I read from same author were good. It would be better if this story was placed in the same series as the other stories; but, I think that may be a tech or naming issue. If the story I wanted to read was in a series with other categories, I would actually start at the beginning. That's just me. But, I don't feel the author should cater to the site.

Regardless, it really boils down to this is a free site, author gets nothing but the satisfaction of completing something (or not, as most story lines on Lit seem to be). I'm just so happy that each of these stories are complete and there are no friggin' cliffhangers. Although, a good author will accept legitimate criticism.

Thanks for the good times, Devinamaria. Would love to read another one of your stories. =D

sly

Love series stories, and this continuation was an excellent addition. Waiting, not too long I hope, for the next installment.

If I could give more than 5 🌟 I would.

your whole series was better than half of the books i've bought !

you have to seriously write more books and publish them, you had me gripped from the first page of the first story

I read your entire series in one sitting enjoyed them immensely. Please do write more.

thought however that the plot and alex's secret life was not fully used, I got that he was undercover but alex seemed more out and in the public view that would be right for an agent for example when andy turned up to her house like twice it didn't seem the smartest thing to accept for wanting to stay undercover, it was a good read for the relationship and contnuaton of the story and other characters but it had room to build the tension of danger - but it didn't get there. I accept this is a free site and youre writing because you love too, this is my take which I hope helps you and your writing. still I enjoyed very much the series

I binge read your whole series and loved every word you wrote. I really hope you continue to write and hopefully you will publish someday, if you do please let me know I will buy the first book!

I absolutely love the whole series but these two guys stole my heart! I would really like to read more from you. If you publish this series please let us know.