All Comments on 'Two Cousins in One Room'

Badly written dumb story. Give up while you are ahead.

Hank Williams could write. Very well. You can't even do the basics. Using his name for this shit is disgraceful.

Not bad but the errors remain a staple in your stories, as is screwing the buildup with last few paragraphs. I thought it might be just me but then again the same transpired in most of your stories lately.

I gave you 3* though because I liked the chemistry between the cousins even if you decided to trample over it.

You really need to get a proof-reader or something. Your paragraphs are put together almost like they are being badly translated from a different language.

How many people have to tell you what you're doing wrong before you make any kind of effort to stop doing the same shit wrong? If nothing else, find someone to proofread your story before you post it. THEN we can determine if your story sucks, or if YOU suck. For now, the point is moot.

The story treads is good, but short.

I know is some grammatical errors, but I can understand if English is not your native language (as me too).

Maybe you need to use a good grammatical corrector to help you.

I give you only 4 * for this, but I hope your are capable to solve this problem.

I`m really waiting the next chapter (longer, please), I think that this story promises to be very stunning.

Continue in the same way, and try to correct the grammatically errors, ask for help, if is necessary.

In general, good Job!

I couldn't finish even part of the first page. I don't know if the story itself is good or not. The writing is terrible. I could not follow the dialogue, the errors are so distracting. You need to get someone to proofread your work, but first you need to go to a local college and take some Grammar and Composition courses. English courses, Short Story writing, and just learning when and where to use punctuation and indentation will be of great help. I know many writers tend to delete comments that are not complimentary, but I really think you need to help yourself become a better writer so that when you record your fantasies for others to read about, they will be intelligible.

I'd a been? (it's "I'd have been...")

Kit & cubital? (It's "Kit and kaboodle.")

That isn't English. Get an editor (or several) before you submit any other stories.

Some of the dialogue seems a bit muddled but apart from that when's the next chapter please!

This reads like it was submitted from a resident of a sheltered workshop!

Stopped right after they got to town. Just couldn't take any more.

I've read your other work but the English in this is the worst yet. You need grammar check and an editor.

I totally agree with all but one of the comments above. The so-called story is extremely weak. The language and spelling is dreadful, especially to an English grammar school boy.

I read it to its completion for the simple reason of not wanting to pre-judge.

This is pure HILLBILLY-TRASH Grammar! I'm betting that there isn't a single reader that was able to follow this story without going back to make some sense of it.

Go back to pig farming where I'm sure your audience better appreciates you.

The setting and idea behind the story is nice and all, but the writing is really, really off. It takes away everything.

I see someone beat me to this, but with "plain flight" and "kit and cubital", along with the rest of the atrocious spelling and grammar, this is truly appalling "writing".

Is English your third language? To be fired from a job is a job LOSS, not a job loose. The complete package is the whole "kit and Kaboodle" Cubital seems to be something to do with a Rubik's cube. A Plain is a really large stetch of mostly grassland, or food without salt. An airborne vehicle that you board (not bored) to commute from point A to point B is an Airplane or Plane for short. You really need to stay far away from computer "spellcheck" programs. They can tell you if you've spelled a word correctly, but not if you've used it correctly. For that you must actually learn. Inside your head - type knowledge. English Grammar and Composition is a course you need, with a strong emphasis on punctuation also. This might have been a good story, but I became weary (that's mentally tired and not spelled weery) of trying to make sense of your writing after less than half of the first page. I suspect the rest of this, and the next two chapters will be more of the same. I will just find stories that are better written or get out my Kindle. Remember, when you put stories up on here - none of us have to read them. It is YOUR responsibility to make your words to make sense. English is how we express ourselves and communicate ideas and stories. Learn to use it.

I know people keep dragging you over the coals for your atrocious attempt at the English language, but I did like the story. There seems to be some background and the characters have some chemistry. However, the spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes kill the flow of the story.

English may not be your first language, and that's OK. I highly suggest you get an editor or proofreader. There is an extension you can add to your browser called Grammarly, or you can just use their website; you can type your story directly on the page on the website, or upload a document already written, and Grammarly will help you with some of the most common grammatical errors for free.

You have what seems to be the beginning of a great story, don't let it be overlooked by mistakes that are easily fixed.

It really is a good story but the grammar is too.....awkward? I guess that would be the word for it but either way the whole wording is too formal and sort of repeats itself. There were a lot of words in there that really had no point

...but stuck it out a bit longer. Called it quits at "kit and cubital".

One word: unfuckingreadable!

This was a refreshing submission from someone from (I assume) a country that isn't as sexually repressed as we Americans are.

After the first few paragraphs, I had to start over and pictured the story being told by Swedish guitarist Skwisgaar Skwigelf from Dethklok/Metalocalypse (with a touch of "trying to sound like an adult" as if it were Vincent Adultman from Bojack Horseman). This made the story much more enjoyable.

Four and a half stars!

Couldn’t make it more than a few paragraphs in. The grammar and punctuation is horrible. Full of run on sentences and you never really know who is speaking.

... not cubital

The thought is there. Grammer, run on sentence structure and can't really tell who's what. I almost stopped reading in 2nd paragraph. But i am a ex teacher. I have most definitely read worse. Good luck. I had similar experience. But mine was that awkwardness male kids go through when finding these new sensations of the body. I was a pre teen then and now almost 60 still think about those childhood joys....

Boring

I, too, was pretty bored with this story that had far too many details not pertaining at all to the sexual parts most of us wanted to read about.